AS Teen Support

[AspieTeenSuspect]

Hi, I could really do with some support for my suspected AS teen

I posted this

detail of other post

in the teen section and got no replies - any ideas? should I re-post it here do you think?

Hi, no real expereance of AS teens as my dd1 is only 6 (going on 13) but my friends brother was diagnosed with AS in his teens, he suffered from depression from the age of 12+ and was always anxious, i would say it was a very tough time for his family, he often shut himself away in his room. He's now a confident adult and no longer has the anxiety problems which he had before. I think 17 is a tough age for any child (AS of not) and his dad moving out would have upset him (my dad left when i was 17).

The trouble is with an older child/teen is getting them to see they need help and getting them to agree to see someone. When my step son reached his teens he had similar problems and started self harming, he refused to see any one and we couldn't force him. Luckily he stopped self harming and calmed down slightly, he still has AS traits but he is coping well (he's now 17).

Hopefully someone with more expereance will be a long soon to offer better advice.

Thanks Marne for replying,

I can relate quite strongly to what you say about your friend's brother and your stepson. Similar issues and concerns here.

I could really do with some on-going help on all of this as some quite scary stuff is happening and it's hard to know what to do. I can't write about it in graphic detail but if I could find someone with good AS teen knowledge it would help a lot I think.

I've had no replies to my post in the teen section and I'm not sure this is the right place either - what do you think? Or do you know of any other forum that would be a good place to go (have looked at a few but not seen anything that looks great so far (and I am an MN regular!)

Hi

Mine's in his early 20's so I've been through the teen years.

I read your post on the other board.

Why do you suspect ASD. Spending hours shut away surfing the inernet is common behaviour for all teens.

You mentioned the central heating. It's a common trait that ASD people can feel cold / heat more or less than the average person - but again it's nothing that would make me immediately think ASD.

Lots of reasons - have researched AS quite a lot and can give examples of how he fits quite a lot of AS characteristics listed. Here's a bit of a description of DS

Always seemed to be wired a bit differently to others
Lack of eye contact
A number of major meltdowns when younger
Extremely routine focused - very difficult to get him to do anything outside of anything that is the norm for him - much much better in a calm and structured environment - in times of change / stress he has always reacted very strongly - e.g. holidays have always been very difficult
Finds social situations very difficult
Finds friendships v difficult
Has always become the "expert" at things he has developed an interest in - has become kind of obsessed with those things
Pretty clever - can argue a point forever (but sometimes thinking not really "right")
Constantly picks me up on wording (i.e. I have to say things just right or my words are challenged - operates much better when I keep emotion out and say short specific sentences)
Sleep terrible
Now finding school very difficult - does not seem to understand what is being asked of him - can't seem to connect with learning - almost dropping out - school can't understand what the issue is and are fed up
Great when he has accepted a rule and will follow it religiously but getting him to accept a new rule or boundary is extremely difficult because "it's not what he does"
Food limited

The NAS are doing a teens course as part of their Help programme. I've just booked myself onto one in Stockton - might be worth looking on the NAS website and finding if the same course is coming to your area.

Those are all Asperegrs behaviours.

The big problem that you have is his age. You need his cooperation if you are to have this formally dx'd.

If he will not speak to his GP I can't see how you can proceed.

Thanks both

I will have a proper convo with NAS about it and see what they think about events (have also found another AS event happening in London and thinking of attending that just to help me understand more about it and how to help him myself). Tried them today but they are on limited hours at the moment.

Wet - it does look pretty consistent with AS doesn't it? There's just no way I could discuss it with him at the moment tbh and I'm trying to just figure out also how to deal with AS/drug issue together.

I think my best bet is to try to work with him to create some positive stuff in his world to help him get away from the awful things he's doing. Not easy though and in parallel I need to work on boundaries.

Rest of close family showing no AS interest. Anyone else had same issue? To quote one of them "and what difference would it make if he was AS anyway"?). A lot I think as to me it certainly affects the way we should be supporting him as part as I can see.

The most important thing would be to get some structure in his life. he has some as he's at school now but you need to think about amking plans for his future - otherwise he will be in his bedroom on the internet 24/7.

Most Aspies actually wecome a dx. They almost always have wondered why they are the people who find social situations difficult / impossible and who rarely have a large group of friends and generally feel 'different'. Perhaps that's a tack you could take to see if he will open up. The dx gives them a tangible explanation for what they sometimes wringly feel are their own failings.

If you could get his consent then while he is still at school he would be able to be seen by an Educational Psychologist. That would be useful because if he is planning to go on to HE there is a huge amount of support available in most Unis but he would almost certainly need an Educational Psychologist's report to access it.

Best wishes

I 100% agree with you on the stucture thing. Some have said to me that I should forget about school and just try to "get him right" but actually I feel that school is very good for him. He unfortunately finishes school very soon anyway so I'm just starting to work through how we progress after that. I'm afraid I've been emotionally overwhelmed by XH leaving/DS substance abuse for a bit and not feeling able to think "post school" but am getting more on the case now. DS is very intelligent and should have been able to go to a good uni but as grades have slipped so much in the last year (plus trauma at home) he can't go now (and currently hates school). Doesn't stop it being an option for the future at some point though.

Best thing I think in the short term is for me somehow (I really don't know how!) to get him some kind of job that provides some structure and shows him life outside his bedroom.

Other challenge of course is that he tells me he has no issues and it's very difficult to talk with him about anything. On the plus side getting a little better though as I am finding that me using straightforward language/short sentences/no emotion is helping and also lack of XH in house is slowly creating a happier household . Trying NAS again now! Opens at 11am.

P.S. As the days go by I notice more and more AS traits. He mentioned the light being too bright for him in the summer today - having googled it I think that's another potential AS symptom isn't it?

Hi Aspieteensuspect, things sound very tough atm for you and your family. I understand what you say about the family showing no interest in a dx, I have had some experiene of that from some (not all) family members and I felt that it de-validated my concerns. I am glad that you posted and hope that you have received that validation from the other posters.

I also agree with Wetaugust, teenagers can feel different and misunderstood anyway - which is part and parcel, however, being on the spectrum makes things much more complicated and getting a dx can really make sense to an aspie teen. Even if it is initally resented.

Getting an Ed Psych on board could help immensely to get the ball rolling on how to manage your ds in school and maintaining that and transition to uni. If you could get an Occupational Health Referral and get them to do a Home Assessment as well so that they can help create a structured environment for him.

Perhaps your GP could refer your Ds for some CBT (I am suggesting that because it's a free service some GP practices offer and it could help with self esteem/low mood) and maybe even for yourself to offload!

Also Contact a Family may be able to put you in touch with family(ies) who have a similar situation to yours, oh and keep posting X

Thanks HM

I've taken note of your suggestions and am trying to see what I can do to help him.

As he's almost an adult I can do nothing at all to directly help him (other than doing what I can through my own personal daily interaction with him) without his consent. Which means that he will not see the GP, a counsellor or a psychologist at the moment.

I had a very good discussion with NAS in the end which has given me plenty of ideas on how to progress. I'll go back to the GP myself to discuss those.

And in the meantime, over the last few days there have been a few encouraging signs (can't be specific on these at this stage as they're a little too personal). He's also seeming a little easier to talk to so we'll see how it goes. I'll post again as things progress.