Running away from the other boards...

[debs40]

...and hiding here.

I am supposed to be working but on this Easter morning, full of the joys of not being at bloody school, I've got myself in to a right battle of something stupid on the Primary Ed board and have the weight of teacherdom turn on me.

I should have known better than to venture into the outside world of mumsnet with the lovely 'normal' NT kids all getting 3s for the SATS etc etc

All my pent up angst about school came gushing out as I sat here angrily typing and crying .

Silly mare.

But on a serious note. The more I wrote about school, the more I realised what a bunch of sh**ts they'd been all year and how many battles await me when I return.

Do you ever feel you are losing the plot? I make such a fuss about everything now, I seriously don't always know whether I amm doing the right thing. Is DS happy where he is? Am I making too much of everything? How can a 7 year old with SCD be relied on to tell me either way?

Then I carry him back from a walk yesterday or hold his little putty like hand and wonder how if he ever remains upright through a school day without all the other stuff

Are there better schools out there? Someone on Primary Ed posted about one in Dorset which looked lovely - SEN policies and DDA statements on their website! Not alot to ask

Sorry, getting incoherent now.

Hi Debs

£3K is a very small price to pay to have your questions answered. I paid more than that on solicitor's bills trying to get the LA to even acknowledge there may be a problem

I'd go for it.

You would then have the 'evidence' you needed plus a whole load of advice as to suitable placement and what educational support is required.

Contrary to all the rubbish I read on here the LA must take notice of any reports / dxs that have been obtained privately. My own LA acknowledged a private dx (was even included as an annex in the Statement) and a private Ed Pysch report secured him the residential placement.

Ok morally it may be 'wrong' to queue jump but I'd have walked barefoot over broken glass to get my son any help I could. Just look at it that you are saving the NHS / LA a load of money by doing it privately.

I've seen too many parents living for years and years with no diagnosis while the 'experts' faff about failing to deliver a dx and therefore the child is denied adequate support at school. There is no need for this.

As for where you live - the best place that a bright Aspie could possible be in is a grammar school surrounded by those more academically inclined. Mine went to the bog-standard comp where the anti-social / anti-learning element made his life hell.

But you need to get this ball rolling - you're gonna drive yourself nuts otherwise

Thanks Wet. I think it probably is the way to go given that the Dyscovery Centre also seem to have particular expertise in motor/sensory/coordination issues too and DS struggles there as much as with anything.

Thanks for listening and bouncing things back at me in a nice, cuddly, warm supportive way

We don't get that with 'the others' ...as they say on Lost. If you haven't watched it you'll be going

Leonie - no worries - hijack all you want. Looks like we're in the same boat!!

Leonie

It's all about evidence - your evidence against the school's / LA's evidence.

If you have a private Ed Pysch report written by a qulaified, competent and experienced Ed pysch then you have the evidence you need to start demanding the correct support.

I particularly liked our private Ed Psych who listed all her qualifications, books she's authored and papers she's published in her report's introduction and went on to berate school for lack of action. Brilliant .

Nah - I watch Lost - currently on Series 5 boxed set.

Well that's the problem Leonie isn't it - you know something's not quite right but you don't have the evidence to 'prove' it.

Why don't you call the Ed Pysch yourself, restate your concerns and invite them into school to observe your child?

You can you know. It's not schools that have a monopoly on calling in Ed Pyschs - they are paid for by you as a council tax payer and therefore a resource that you as a council tax payer can call upon. If they refuse then complain in writing to your Local Councillor.

And when you've got the Ed Pysch in remind them gently that they are supposed to work in partnership with parents (SEN COP) and that you'd like a written assessment fo your child's difficulties and the Ed Pysch's recommendations for overcoming them.

Start collecting reports, IEPs, school reports etc etc. If you are persistent you'll soon have sufficient evidence to build your case for assessment.

Best wishes

"but they promise she'll be back in this week i think, and they will leave her a message that i want to speak to her... "

Leonie

The above statement is part of the problem.

You shouldn't be relying on someone somewhere remembering to leave the Ed Psych a message blah blah blah

Write directly to the Ed Pysch.

That way you have a written record of your attempt to get her involved. She has to answer a written letter - she can conveniently state she didn't get the message if your communication route is via some 3rd party.

Tips and tricks are what it's all about.

Always write.

best wishes

Wet, how did you find your Ed Psych? How did identify someone with particular ASD expertise?

Solicitor recommended her. She had ASD experience. Her tests confirmed he had an 'autistic profile' .

If you want her details email me. Expensive but worth it.

NAS has a list of Ed Psychs with experience/knowledge of autism on their website, here. It includes details of prices, experience and whether they'll appear at tribunal. Worth paying for one who is prepared to go to tribunal; not all of them do and giving evidence for/writing reports for tribunal is quite a specific skill. It's always best to go with a personal recommendation but this list is a good start if they're not available.

'Thanks for listening and bouncing things back at me in a nice, cuddly, warm supportive way'

WetAugust, I'm glad I've lived so long as to hear you described in these terms!
Taken years, but finally!
You always give the best advice, and I second that a dx, communicate in writing and work towards a statement is the best way to ensure provision is secured and enforcable.

Aww Goblin

I'm over-awed. Thank you. You're the bestest teacher in all the world.

Hugs hun (as the goat-breeders forum used to say)

'bestest'? Get a grip woman.
I suppose it's one of the dubious advantages of our lot all being in their teens though.
We know that first you ask, then you insist and back it up with paperwork and the law if necessary. Waiting politely with your hand up, relying on others to remember to do what they promised and keep doing it isn't very effective or efficient. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.
DS has his work experience in June, that's all on track and looking good. Combination of good liaison, and a few personal touches. And a lot of emails, which I've printed and filed.

Thanks Goblin too. I know you were trying to help.

It's hard for us novices to keep a straight and clear head sometimes!

Wet I will CAT you about Ed Psych - ta!

Oh Debs, i know the feeling all to well.

When teachers are telling me my ds doesnt have any difficulties at school and has lots of friends, i wonder the same thing, am i making a fuss about nothing.

Then i look at the pictures i have of where he picked and scratched the skin off of his face, the bald patch in his eyelashes where he pulls them out, the soiled trousers he sat in all day at school because he wont ask for help, his lunchbox that remains untouched everyday.

and ive reached the same conclusion sometimes teachers, even when faced with the facts dont know what the hell they are talking about.

Im tired of fighting, im tired of having to prove myself, is it all worth it.....no, im getting nowhere fast, but its better than the alternative giving up and standing by and watching.

WetAugust knows her way around the legal side of things, I'm pretty good at nailing people down to specifics of provision and maintaining it. Just about the best help available is from fellow parents who have gone ahead, although every child's needs are different.
Mine wasn't a flappy, withdrawn type of Aspie. Get it wrong and his instant, physical meltdowns put Krakatoa to shame. he was difficult to overlook or marginalise. Easy to exclude, mind.

One of the difficulties is that if a teacher has had experience of one spectrum child, they generalise that they are all 'like that' So when the next one is completely different on the surface, and with different co morbids, they don't understand what's going on.
The arrogance often hides insecurity and ignorance, and that's how I weasel my way in.
If that doesn't work, then I become more assertive...

Dissect the letter a point at a time and refute their arguments. Tell them what they've got wrong and why, then tell them what to do about it. This is where a dx is essential, because it's proof they can't dismiss as a fussy mother.