How far to go in encouraging age appropriate activities?

[TotalChaos]

DS has just turned 6, and has IMO (and that of parents to kids with SN) but not officially mild language delay.

A few things are troubling me lately - DS's unfading enthusiasm for Cbeebies, and his still enjoying playing peekaboo like games. A nice older brother of a class mate will indulge DS in chase etc games - but today father seemed to be looking daggers about it. And DS wanted me to get him a 3rd and sodding Bird DVD. I tried to discourage DS from both the DVD and the peekaboo games by telling him it was babyish .

But am I being cruel even saying this? I just don't know. I want to help him integrate socially - but equally I don't want him to feel I don't accept him for who he is. BTW in the house I let him have some time to be shrieky/spinny/silly and watch Cbeebies!

Some of his interests - primarily the Wii/Mario/Sonic are age appropriate btw.

He is very conformist and currently doing quite well at school, so school aren't seeing (or won't see) problems.

Still plodding on with fireman sam Cbeebies that awful one with the 3 animals that save people, but Wii and DS games more or less age appropriate because of good visual apatial skills.

Zigby per chance (which DH and I have privately dubbed Shitby)

wonderpets is I think only on NickJr. shame eh..... DS has shown interest in the wonderpets toys, but have avoided thus far...

my ds is the same, aged six and watches cbeebies and playhouse disney and has slight sn. i think its more of a comforter than anything else, the fact that it is familiar to him watching these programmes and he knows what to expect. i have managed to wean him on to scooby doo and am now trying with ben 10 and other older kids programmes but it is a very slow process. he likes the wii so i have tried to buy games etc that are age appropriate and from programmes, ie ben 10, in the hope that he wants to watch it as he becomes familiar with it. i have also sat down with him and watched other programmes with him and talked about them as the programme was on, ie scooby doo. it has seemed to work

apparently DS's written work shows a really good vocabulary . agree that the written word is a definite help with language.

hi countydurham. i would try weaning DS but he can be very controlling about what he watches at home - he will sometimes watch Tracey Beaker or Nanny 911 with a teenage friend, or a Disney DVD. But otherwise it's v. hard to influence him. Funnily enough the first sign I had of him getting on better with reading was him being able to operate our virgin catch up tv service (which only has names of programmes and no pictures!!!)

actually it's less the TV programmes that worry me than DS relationships with his peers. Sometimes I think the whole SN stuff hits you hard with a bump, the rest of the time you just plod on.

Hi. My ds is 14yrs. He has complex additional support needs. At school,he likes to be "one of the lads", though can display immature behaviour.
At home, he has an x-box etc. But, most days he spends some time playing with his vast collection of figures,making up games etc. He still loves "chase" games, and gets on with younger dc,(though not really his siblings!),as he can relax more with them.
I think many dc with SN are behind their peers emotionally and socially,and will go at their own pace with age appropriate past-times.
I would say,go with the flow with your ds, and as he grows older he will work out for himself when it is appropriate to do what activities.

DS1 is 6 and freaks out if he sees a CBBC logo on anything. It has to be CBeebies or CITV Minis (or milkshake, in the mornings.) He's lucky he has a younger brother.

In a hat with some parents, recently, mind, I found out that a few of his classmates, for all of their Ben10 fanboyism, love a bit of CBeebies.

I have dispensed with the Thomas the Tank Engine back pack, but apart form that i just go with the flow. I'll confess to finding some of the older kid stuff downright obnoxious, anyhow. There's a lot of stuff with kids being rude to each other and I have no beef with DS1 simply not liking that.

hat = chat, of course!

What a tricky one total.

I would suggest that a majority (not all) of kids aged 6 still like the more "babyish" things. DS1 (7 and hangs in there with the alpha-male crowd at school) will arrive home and see what DS2 is watching and shout "Cool! Thomas the Tank Engine!" DS1's favourite game is tickle monster (I chase him and DS2). Children with a younger brother or sister tend to use the younger sibling as an excuse to do the "younger" things that secretly they really want to do too.

I wonder if you can think about crafting some statements you can use both with him and with outsiders who you think may be looking down on him.
For instance, with DS, could you say that some other kids think activity X is babyish (but don't suggest that you do). You could suggest he plays/watches it only in the appropriate environment (at home, but perhaps not on the playground if there is a risk of teasing).
And with the disapproving dad (why would he disapprove? Are you sure about this? is he a tosser? I'd love my teenager to be good with a 6-year-old) could you prepare some remarks along the lines of how DS pretends to be so grown up all day at school but when given the chance to let off steam wants to run around and watch CBBies like he did when he was little? Something that acknowledges the young behaviour but expresses your acceptance and confidence in your child?

I do appreciate that it takes huge confidence to do this and that's something we can be in short supply of.

I'm thinking of all those undergraduates who watch children's programmes (and you're actually left out if you don't), or of one of my colleagues (universally seen as cool and elegant) who goes round with Hello Kitty accessories (we're talking a woman in her 40s).
Will we ever see the day when people can just play or watch whatever the heck they like? I completely see the problem (I have started to worry about Pingu myself), but sometimes having a child with ASD just seems like an interminable exercise in teaching conformity

I remember ages ago that MN had a webchat thing with someone to do with CBeebies. MNers were questioning why there was such a big gap between CBeebies and CBBC - ie children were fed up with CBeebies by school age but CBBC programmes were too 'old'. The CBeebies person said that actually their target audience was children up to the age of 7 or 8 (or something like that).

I agree too that there will still be a lot of children (and adults!) still watching CBeebies programmes and playing games that we'd probably associate with younger children. I know heard Nick Jr used to show things like Bagpuss and the Clangers long after most children had gone to bed.

It might not be a problem socially at school. I can still remember ds1 coming home from school telling me how he'd been playing Power Rangers at school with some of the other boys. He'd never watched a single episode in his life but still managed to join in.

I only watched it to keep dh company. Honest!

Dd1 (6) watches cbeebies (dirt girl world and waybuloo) and keeps asking if i can send her birthday card in

Dd1 also plays power rangers at school (and has never seen it on the TV). My neighbour also asked me why dd1 was playing vampires and sucking blood with her PFB dd last week, i didn't even know she knew what a vampire was and i think my neighbour assumed i had been letting her watch horror films , when i asked her about it she said the boys play it at school. So they do manage to join in like coppertop said.

I also think lots of people have a perfectly natural need to regress or at least to do regressive activities for pleasure and I think its ok to let our kids do this from time to time too. If I'm really tired and down I'll read children's books (the same ones, time after time) and that's my equivalent. I think they do pick up stuff from school (I've also had ds1 playing power rangers when he's never seen an episode) and though in general he throws a wobbly if I try to put cbeebies on if it's chuggington, well, that's different.

thank you very much ladies for all your thoughtful answers.

Bigpants - v. interesting to hear from someone with an older child. Think you and others are right, and that I should let him be him as much as possible.

Lingle - dad is a miserable grump at the best of times.

Ds is almost 5 and i keep getting told that maybe i should encourage him out of Thomas etc but then for now he is oblivious to being differnt that way but is very aware that he is not as physically able.

think for some dc its case if they can of having 2 differnt sides and knowing how to handle each situation

oh and ds15 nt is noit adverse to hide and see it or peekaboo with his younger siblings