Would you be worried?

[carupgrade]

Apologies for crap name but wanted to name change to get some fresh views iyswim.

Dd is almost 4 and will start Receptionin September. I have these concerns about her:

Very "in your face" in terms of personal space with other children.
Likes to make her own rules for things and then stick to them.
Bossy/overpowering with other children.
Can get very, very upset over very little things/events though can now calm down.
Extremely active.
Slightly odd mannerisms/hand gestures.
Very adult use of language.
Occasionally uses phrases repeated verbatim from books, however this is in context and she seems aware that she is doing it, almost a joke?

However....

She is lovely, kind and helpful.
Wants to be friends with other children.
Has always had age appropriate SAL development and in general appears to be bright and interested in life.

I'm very aware that Aspergers is often missed in girls and I wonder if I have cause for concern with dd.

Nursery describe her as having a "big personality" though they do comment that some of the other children don't like sitting next to her at circle time as they find her ott physically.

Hi,

I think all your concerns re DD are certainly valid ones.

Has your DD had any additional support in nursery in terms of one to one time, SENCO support?.

If you have not already made an appt with your GP to ask for a referral to a developmental paed I would suggest you do so asap. Such a person can make a diagnosis.

Your DD could well be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. When you write hand gestures do you mean she flaps her hands?.

hmmm,

tricky isn't it?

what's her rate of improvement been in the problem areas over the last six months?

second attempt to actually answer your question.

Yes I'd be worried - I'd be worried that she wouldn't have developed further enough by September to be accepted by her peers - girls seem to expect so much of each other. I'd be worried that any early peer group rejection could set a bad pattern and make her anxious about relationships and other people. But I'd keep open the possibility that with lots of work from me (having read all the Aspergers books!) her social skills might be quite a bit better by September .

I think I would ask nursery to write a report on their observations and then make an appointment with the head of the new school. I think my number one concern would be to make sure that school took the concerns seriously.

DD2 is 4 1/4 and will be starting in September too. She has some of the issues you describe. I tick a lot of the Aspie boxes without actually having Aspergers' iyswim.

DD2 has made huge progress socially in the last 4-6 months. Huge. OK, she's still overbearing and eccentric, but she's also negotiating interactions with the other kids much better and as a result they seem happy to play with her. So while I agree there is plenty there to raise blips on the radar, it might be a different picture come September. I'd ask Nursery to keep a close eye on her progress over the next couple of months. And then, as Lingle says, you've got something to discuss with the new school.

Thanks for responses, will be back again later.

Hand gestures I mean hands on hips and a lot of hand gestures with speech (particularly turning oyt her hand as she makes a point iyswim, hard to describe). No hand flapping.

Recently she was shy in a new social situation and I was pleased as I felt that it showed some awareness in her of unwritten social rules and an awareness of behaviour being different/different expectations in different environments.

that sounds promising doesn't it?

They are supposed to help with precisely this kind of issue during reception itself, so that's another thing to bear in mind.

I used to do the verbatim phrases too. It kind of forces you into an "eccentric academic" or "court jester" role with the other girls (those are the best roles available).

I used to be ok with new girls because communication was fairly formal for a little while and I could learn the rules. But when it got less formal and more fluid I tended to be left behind again.

It would have been lovely to have a mother accepting me as I was but working to develop my play skills at 3+.

One other thing - she may be using her language skills to compensate for some other weaknesses and hide her fears. I, for instance, am pretty face-blind and have some difficulty processing certain types of language (I've long learnt to compensate but that's another story). A professional might spot things that we as mothers wouldn't.

Hi, yes everything you have mentioned could be cause for concern but then again maybe not (sorry that was probably no help at all)!

I was just wondering if your DD is an only child. If so, maybe she is just going through a learning stage of how to be around other children her own age. She is so very young and still learning. Like others have said maybe just ask the nursery to inform you of any concerns they have over the next few months.

If you are concerned I DEFINATELY think you should talk to your GP, and ask for her to be referred to a paedetrician and assesed for Aspergers.

(BTW my son has Aspergers)

First of all - who will do this if you don't? It turned out my school thought my son had Aspergers all along - but they didn't bother telling me...

Secondly, what have you got to lose? If she has Aspergers (or something related) you'll be much better off with a diagnosis, and if they assess her and tell you she's fine you'll feel brilliant.

Good luck.

Liz