Do you ever hear other children commenting on your dc?

[aSilverlining]

I get this a lot with DS, he is 5 but very big for his age, he has High Functioning Autism and is quite obviously quirky especially around other children. He also has long blond hair and a unisex name to add to confusion, so as well as people commenting on his odd behaviour he is 90% of the time referred to as a girl to boot.

Been swimming today and DS likes to get in the hard play pen thing they have in the changing room while I get sorted. There were no tiny babies or tots so I let him, and gave him his 'monkey pants' to put on (these are his prescription pull ups). Cue a little girl shouting loudly 'mummy why is that big girl in there and why does she have a nappy?'. Stuff like this normally goes over my head and doesn't even register with DS but today DS registered her comment! [shocked] He was annoyed by her innacuracies and corrected her in a very condecending tone with perfect grammar and lack of regional dialect. Well, anyone who wasn't staring from the little girls comment was certainly staring after DS responded! I was not fussed by people staring but really felt for DS who is not keen on swimming changing rooms in the first place without extra upset being thrown at him. A lady tried to talk to him and he freaked out, it was just all too much for him!

I was pleased he defended himself but also SO SAD that he registered that another child had noticed him as different and that he had been upset and offended by it. Anyone else been through this? If he is starting to be aware of his differences I think I may need to start talking to him about them and his autism.

Go your DS!!!!!! I think it is important for you to discuss that everyone thinks and feels differently and thats what makes us unique. Tell him that his way of thinking has a name - autism - but that makes him all the more special and doesn't make it a bad thing. All children have names for things and monkey pants is brilliant!!!! Just goes to show what a clever and imaginative ds you have.

You can get cards to give out to people explaining autism, very useful for starers. When someone stares give them a card - it also says to ask if they have any questions -these people are then usually the ones that feel embarrassed.

My cousin is autistic, went to mainstream school and joins in with all family events. (theres bout 50 of us when we all get together) He finds it hard to cope so a few of us at a time will sit with him to chat or play pool and include him. He actually has a sense of humour regarding his autism and accepts it as such that where my family take the pick out of me for my scattiness we can do the same about the autism.

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT UNIQUE IN THEIR OWN WAY AND IT SHOULD BE CELEBRATED xxxx

Yes, i often hear other children comment on dd2 , 'look at that big baby' (when she's in her Mac major) and some child said 'look at that discusting child' when dd2 was picking food apart at a party. I get upset when i hear these comments, in a way its worse than hearing it from adults as it makes me worry how dd2 would cope in MS school.

jailsort - we refer to his prescription pull ups as monkey pants because I don't want DS referring to them at school as nappies or pull ups and getting teased all adults who know him call them this name at my orders

He is not at all imaginative but he is very dramatic and entertaining and has a great SOH.

We get that too Marne - DS has a major and I find adults are worse than kids in terms of buggy ignorance. I do think bus drivers in my area may ahve recently had some training on special needs pushchairs as I have noticed a marked improvement in their awareness in the last week or so. I had one full bus conversation with two adults loudly talking about lazy older children with lazy parents who just put them in bigger buggies. . After that I had signs on the sides of his major for about 2 months, most stuff goes over my head but I went home that day and sobbed.

The other thing to remember is that small children will comment on anything that is new to them.. I recently ahd one little girl say to her mum "Why has that lady got big boobs & a wobbly tummy"
Needless to say her mum was a skinny size 0.
With children I just answer them as simply & as honestly as i can.
Its the adults that should know better that get a fierce stare back.

Yes you are right anon kids are not known for their tact! I guess I was more thrown today by DS registering it - he is usually so keen to filter out unwanted noise/talking/dialogue that any negative comments go right over his head but he really heard this little girl today and my heart went out to him.

I am waiting for that Leonie. My DS goes to a small mainstream school and even though DS usually hides or goes 'aaargh' in genuine terrror when his classmates so much as say hi to him, they are non the less welcoming and accepting of him in the majority.

Well done, asliverlining. I'm glad that your DS stood up for himself.

We've had this with our DS. A whole family once stopped to stare us when their child said, 'look mummy, it's that naughty boy from nursery.' At the time, I felt unable to deal with it, but I wanted to say was, 'Look, X, it's the intolerant family who don't teach their children any manners...'

(previously jallsort 80 above)

I agree children are naturally inquisitive and will ask questions that need to be answered honestly at the childs level.

I work in a special needs school for children with severe profound and multiple learning difficulties. We have children with CP in wheelchairs and children who are ASD or other also using a buggy for H&S.

I think it is ignorance that makes people stare and may be more education is needed. When I see a child in a major or other buggy I am aware they must have a need but immediatly try to engage with the child if they wish. This is because I am educated as you are and others on here.

There are the cards I've mentioned above if this is something you might find helps you??? Many of the parents in my school find them useful.

I would like to wish you and your family the best of luck.

When dd2 was using her wheelchair/major we used to hear comments from other kids all the time.

I didn't mind them - they were always curious or questioning - it was the pass-remarkable adults that did my head in, but dd2 was a match for them too!

The nicest thing happened when I was really worried about her being isolated at school (due to the chair, and not getting out at playtimes) and we arrived one Saturday afternoon at a party. When she limped in to the room, this huge cheer and a shout of "weegiegirlie!!!!!" went up - they were so pleased to see her, she wasn't isolated at all!!

Thats a lovely story.

I think children ask many questions but are also very accepting of answers. And if a child with additional needs is in the class they will grow up seeing the child for who are are and not what. Some kids are cruel and you get them everywhere but these children will be nasty bout height, weight acaedemic ability not just children with special needs. As long as the school deals with it correctly theres no reason why a child should be isolated.

Yes, we get lots of comments. DS1, who is 6, doesn't attract so many, though he is beginning to be teased a bit but DS2, whi si almost 4, non-verbal and ferried to school and back in his mac major, often singling like a drunk is beginning to attract a lot of attention from kids who don't know him yet. They hear him expect a tot and find a kid almost as big as them (also with gorgeous lovely, silky long blond hair!!!) and seem shocked.

Even kids in his nursery class and reception (who are all in the same room) ask why he makes the noises he does. I explain that he's not learnt to talk yet and try to explain what his actions at the time mean, whether they're happy singing or distressed whining. All the same, even if he's singing anew song, complete with actions and everything and showing signs of having made lots of progress, I do go through massive bouts of feeling so sad for him. I don't know why, since he doesn't give a shit, (and yes, I've been asked why we've arrived at school with bags of nappies, too) but my own experience probably makes me so aware of the fact that he's not going to be so young forever and that, rather than catching up, this gulf between him and his peers may actually widen.

Just to add, since I didn't actually answer the question at the end of your post, that DS1 is starting to become very aware of his differences. He reacts with anger, more than anything. The fact that he wants to do things like his peers and be treated like them is so apparent, but he can't actually cope with it. We're having a very hard time with hi, right now.

Yes we have had comments from older kids at my ds1 school - when dd2 is with me on the school run in her major - who say things like 'she's a baby in that big buggy!' and my son said very quickly ' NO she's not a baby! '

We had the awful experience of having to take dd2 to ds1'a assembly on friday. I thought it may not be too bad but dd2 was so loud whooping and shrieking and laughing that the whole school turned round every time she made a noise and after a couple of times they were all laughing and staring at her.. I was more upset when I saw my son's face and heard someone say 'That's ds sister!! ' I took her out and missed it all.. He said he didn't mind her making noises but was sad that I missed it.. I felt sad for him and us.. DD2 completely oblivious to her difference at this point but may not always be that way so feel for you.. Must have been very hard for you both..

Yes

Every time I help out at school I get people saying ds1 has hurt them or could I stop ds1 hurting their sibling.

I now amke a note and send it to LEA / SENCO as am pig sick of it.

OTOH when dh or I pop in the SNU people come out to tell us how adorable ds3 is. First time dh went in with some cakes for afayre teh Head looked confused (nbecause he's obviosuuly taxi'd in) and asked who on easrth he was.... the started gushing

Everyone loves ds2. IN a sort of 'he's so gorgeous but blimey he can't stay still....' sorta way

You know, I think one thing that smooths the eay for ds3 is that at pushing 7 he still looks 4-5. perople do notice now but the expectations seem to be less. Actually ditto ds1 who wears size 5 . 6 trousers but is 10.

Yes frequently, because DD has a missing left arm.

Much prefer if child asks and I explain she was born like that. DD aged 4 is starting to be able to explain herself.