'his HV (SN one) says he wouldnt need a statement as he is not severe enough to qualify'
Bollox. It has nothing to do with severety, but with need.
'plus her and SALT and pre school etc all say he should start school and see if he needs any extra help before we can apply for extra help iyswim as he may not need any.'
Bollox again. In fact, strategically it is better to apply for a statement 'before' he starts school so that he doesn't have to 'fail' for a couple of years before they have enough evidence to support an application. You do have a bit of advantage doing it before school.
'Also I dont find out which school he gets into until end April, so cant really do anything till then anyway can I?
All so confusing!!!'
Yes you can. A child doesn't need to be in school to get a statement. It will take 6 months at least anyway and if you do it now, it may all be in place for a start in September. It should be based on need not diagnosis.
It isn't always necessary to get a statement, but in your position I would do it, purely because I have no confidence in these professionals who you are working with since they either no nothing, or are lying to you. A statement is legal protection of your ds' rights to an accessible education.
Have you been onto the IPSEA website. There is a model letter there you should copy and send. Be prepared to be refused and be prepared to appeal. It sounds scary, but it is pretty matter of course and only a paper exercise at this point.
hth