Please tell me if I'm being oversensitive

[yanny]

DD(10) is currently waiting on an appontment with camhs, has been for 10 months. I suspect dyspraxia/aspergers.

Sensory issues are driving us insane at the moment, seams on socks and tights and soles of shoes. We are due to start body brushing during 2 week easter break, sensory ot coming out to show me how to do it. Had to wangle 2 weeks off work to do it but we are hopeful it will help.

Anyway, these issues make mornings a nightmare getting ready for school, sometimes taking up to half an hour of changes between skirts and tights to trousers and socks and trying to get the seams 'just right'. By some miracle we have only been late for school twice since. Firt time 10 mins late with a letter from me explaining why (teacher has sat in on ed pych review so knows the issues). Teacher commented to DD that it wasnt a good enough excuse. I let it slide, that was a few months ago. Wednesday she was 5 mins late, again a letter from me explaining why. Teacher commented 'well that's a good excuse' but DD couldn't tell if she was joking or being sarcastic.

I tried to write a letter to the teacher but wondered if I'm maybe being a bit too oversensitive. Teachers comments haven't bothered DD but made me feel crap!

We get up at 7am, takes 5mins to get to school. Should I write a bitchy polite note explaining again the difficulties? Or am I being oversensitive? I sometimes cant tell these days

Im off out now but will check back later

No you are not being oversensitive. This shows a complete lack of understanding of the issues by the teacher.

I am often late for school with my son who has profound sensory issues. A drop of water on him can necessitate a complete change of clothes. We are never reprimanded and the school understand that getting him in to school happy, albeit 5-10 mins late is better than a screaming, stressed child.

Do you have an OT report? Could you get your OT to write a letter summarising sensory issues pending a report? In the meantime, I would write/speak to the head (forget the teacher) explaining the treatment you are undergoing and how difficult it can be for children with sensory issues to get ready in the morning (irrespective of the time you get up).

You are not alone. But one thing I have learnt is don't waste time with teachers - go to the head and get a policy agreed.

I agree - you are not being oversensitive, have already posted elsewhere about lateness/refusal. Doesn't matter how early we all start, some last minute 'issue' can always crop up. The day school said 'don't worry, just get here when you can' was fantastic - you don't need the added pressure. We used to physically drag our DS along the road to be on time (only occasionally, and have since left that school) and it was so counterproductive.
I would go straight to head and get it sorted so there is no risk of negative reactions building up and causing anxiety about school on top of everything else!

Hi thanks for the replies

DD came out of school miserable today. Is normally very emotional and anxious. Her tights had ripped at lunchtime and other older kids had laughed at her. When she approached the teacher to tell her why she was crying she was told to sort it out as the teacher was getting annoyed

Unfortunately the headteacher is a dick bit hard to communicate with. I know many parents have had issues with him (myself included) and have also heard members of office staff talking about not interrupting him for fear of getting into trouble. Anyhow I will call the school next week.

Glad to know I'm not just being too precious

Have only just found this forum tonight. Have a 9.5 yr old DD have thought something was not quite right for a very long time, but things really went down hill last summer and decided to go to GP. He thought is sounded like ASD and we are now trying to get diagnosis, have had one appt and after having to pester finally have follow up one soon. It is very frustrating. Have found it such a relief to find people on here describing so exactly some of our experiences. I have sometimes thought I was going mad as it is so hard to explain to others what it is like, even to my best freinds who don't really understand. You have described exactly what my mornings are like. We have the same trouble with seams on socks and trousers and shoes(she won't do tights, skirts or any other girls clothes). Takes ages getting everything right and puts shoes on over and over until they feel right. Buying new clothes is a nightmare. I have literally dozens of new packs of socks and pants, all rejected as they don't feel right etc. We also have the water thing! She can't bear something wet touching her e.g. if you have wet hands or a cup that hasn't been dried properly.

I get so stressed about the lateness to school thing. I have been trying to talk to the school, but they don't really get it. The head suggested a list of special jobs for her to do when she got there as an incentive, as he seemed to think the problem is she doesn't want to go to school. I knew he was missing the point, but we gave it a go. It was a disaster, as it just became a huge source of stress, so we stopped it. The school is not complaining about the lateness at the moment (usually around 5 to 10 minutes on a good day, but can be 20-30mins) but I feel that I look like a bad parent. And I often feel like weeping after finally getting her there.

Anyway sorry for going on, but so good to read others experiences, particularly this one as I haven't come across this described anywhere before.

Hi MelJLincs

Welcome to Mumsnet

I rarely post but lurk often

I can't sympathise enough with fraught mornings and I usually get to work stressed and my mind is almost always elsewhere for the duration of the morning. Sometimes I have a good cry when it gets too much but before long pick myself up and soldier on (as we all seem to do!) I literally have piles of clothes still unworn as for whatever reason they can't be worn. Stitching on jeans pockets is the latest. DD kind of lives in leggings and a well worn(but comfy for her) pair of black boots. Up until the zip on one broke on Tues and all she can bear to wear now is gymshoes. Cue unimpressed teacher A bigger downside is over the last 6 months or so the only physical contact I have been able to have with DD is bear hugs and what I describe as 'rough' touch.

DD had Occupational Therapy for her poor motor co ordination last summer which helped a lot but after 7 sessions was discharged. Does your DD have co ordination issues? On Tues we have the sensory occ therapist coming to show me how to do body brushing which, fingers crossed, will help some.

I tried to send you a private mail (but couldn't) Feel free to email me wilkinson . leanne @ gmail . com and remove the spaces

Who did your GP refer you to?

Hi, so good to get your message - makes me feel human and not alone! I also have to get to work after taking DD to school and do end up in tears! But you are right somehow we keep going even when feeling at wits end and that no-one understands! I cried when I read your reply - it is the first time I have felt that someone else really understands. I also have piles of other unworn clothes, but the underwear has been the worst recently! We have just a few well worn pants left that she will wear! Also school trousers! We have been buying the same trousers from the same shop for the past 3 yrs and went to buy more last week and they have been unable to get stock. Have been dreading this. Got the last pair that would fit her, and don't know what to do know as she won't wear any others. Also pyrjamas. She has worn the same pair for the last 2 years (she is small for her age and grows slowly). When we need to wash them, we have to do it in the morning and get them dry for the evening). Shoes are also a nightmare. She has very narrow small feet anyway, but in last 2 yrs have given up on clarkes etc. go to Brantanos where you can fit yourself. Clerks etc. a nightmare! We spend 3-4hrss there so she can try everything until she is comfortable. Staff think we are weird but at least they leave us alone to sort it out. I have sent her in weird trainers to school when desperate.
I have spent years caring what the teachers think, but so desparate over last few months that stopped caring. Sent her in bright lurid red trainers for several weeks when it was all she would wear, but inside feel really weepy when they look at you like you are mad. So sorry about the lack of cuddles etc. We swing from being unable to touch (but she wants you to be standing near, unspeaking, unmoving - this drives me to distraction) to needing very firm bear hugs. I love the bear hugs when I get them! I have seen mention of the body brushing on a couple of other posts - what is it? Not heard of it, would love to try if it might be helpful?

Will look at my settings re private mail (sorry novice on forums, still trying to decipher acronyms!).

My GP was wonderful. We had felt worried about DD for years, but as no-one else seemed to agree, kept ignoring, thinking we were being paranoid and overeacting. But last summer became obvious was a crisis. Went to GP thinking would need to fight, but he was amazing. He was so sure she is ASD that I went home in shock. He wrote really detailed referral to community paedriatrics at our local child phsyciatric unit. I have had one appt. It was frustrating in that she asked all the questions and I felt unable to explain why we were there or ask what would happen next. Then heard nothing, for months. Eventually tried to ring, again and again. When I did get through, I got the impression, that we had been lost from the system. Was told they would call back to tell me what had happened to my appt. Heard nothing, but then got appt. in post. It is for 20th April, so now anxious and trying to prepare - feel like I am on trial as parent! Will try to email as suggested!

Thanks so much for replying. I have never tried writing on a forum before, and cried when i saw you had written back - made me feel so much less alone!

yanny,
Keep fighting DD's corner, you are not being precious
Can you get the occupational therapist to write a letter for the school detailing her specific difficulties?

My DD2 (she has AS) cannot abide tights..luckily, they are allowed wear tracksuits all winter, but I am hoping she will be allowed to wear leggings instead of tights the rest of the time. It's also very hard to find footwear which she finds comfy enough, so I can sympathise a lot there

Hi Yanny

Sorry, went on a bit in post last night. Had a couple of glasses of wine then read your post and got a bit emotional! Sorry to overun your post being self-indulent over my own DD's issues I really hope the school starts to be more understanding and that you get somewhere with the body brushing

Sazisi Thankyou Since my last post I had a really positive appt with paed. She has offered to write to school re morning struggles and has also requested a meeting at school for June, by which time SALT should have finished assessments. Offered Melatonin which we started Thursday night. So far, so good!

Hope the leggings instead of tights works out for your DD at school. While I was having a quick look I found this Haven't had a proper look yet but these sound great!

MelJLincs Ahh please don't apologise, absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted I'm having a few tonight myself ;)

When the sensory occupational therapist comes on Tuesday she will show me how to do the brushing and joint compression. She said it has to be done every couple of hours DD is awake for the first few weeks but each time should take around 5 mins. I also read on here about retained reflexes, googled it and found some interesting info. I would suggest you ask your GP/Paed about sensory occ therapy, I didn't know such a thing existed before reading on mumsnet.

It's great that your GP is supportive, it can be so frustrating trying to make yourself heard sometimes. Our paed hasn't always been as supportive, she has made a remarkable turnaround over the last few months which is a relief! Like you I've known for years something isn't quite right and the older DD gets the more apparent it becomes.

Good luck with your appt on the 20th, hope you keep posting too. I often find a great deal of comfort on here, I was so relieved to know there are others who I can absolutely relate to because I don't know anyone personally who experiences what we do.

Feel free to email anytime