Ds 'hates' daddy

[claw3]

Ds is refusing to let daddy do anything for him, he keeps saying he 'hates' daddy and wants me to do everything.

I think its about ds wanting to control his life, he is very anxious and has lots of phobias, he is very bossy and want everything done his way.

For example if dad makes him his sandwich and gives him his drink, he refuses to eat or drink it because dad has 'germs' and wants me to re-do it. If i refuse, he just wont eat or drink anything, until i do make it for him.

This weekend i am planing on staying in bed one morning and letting dp get up with ds, but i know that ds is going to create over it.

Its tiring for me and obviously dad is feeling too great about being 'hated'.

Anyone else have this problem and any advice?

Yes, dd1 was like this for a while(she has grown out of it now), i started going out and leaving her with daddy so she had no choice but to do things with daddy, i also tried to get daddy to do things the same way as i do them but of course daddy can't make a sandwich like mummy (daddy cuts the cheese to thick) .

Thats good to hear that he might grow out of it. Can you remember how long it lasted and how old is your dd Marne?

I can remember my older boys going through a similar phrase when they were about 2 or 3, just not to the extent that ds does.

If i go out, ds just wont eat or drink until i come home. It started off as dad doesnt do it the same way as mum, so dad started to do it the same way, it has now turned into 'daddy has germs' (poor dp). Ds wont even let dp open a packet of crisps for him.

Its getting worse, he wont sit next to dp or wont let dp touch him. If dp buys him a sweet from the shop, he wont eat it.

Dp is getting really upset by it

DS2 was like this for quite a while, and now he's 6 he'll still often prefer me to do stuff for him if he has a choice. Like Marne said though, I found it easier to get completely out of the way so DH and DS2 could be together (good excuse for you to have some "me time"!!).

The last few nights DS2 has chosen his daddy to read with instead of me, and he told DH he was "the best man in the world!" so it does get better

Thanks childofthe70s, its reassuring to hear that others have been there and come through the other side.

Ds is the same way with his brothers too, its not just DP. My older boys are not to bothered about it, but DP is.

DP has tried a bit of bribery when i go out, buying him sweets (which he wont eat) trying to play with him (he refuses) and if dp tries to just join in with whatever he is doing, he gets upset and goes off to his room. So he is happy for the moment to be left with dp, as long as dp doesnt try to interact with him in anyway.

Just keep trying and grin and bear it, i suppose!

Dd1 is now 6, she was like it from the age of 3 until 4.5 ish, she still likes mummy to do things but will allow daddy to do them now without moaning too much.

Could daddy wash his hands in front/or with ds before preparing food or opening crisps?

Dd2(ASD) has only just started talking and will only ask me for things (food, drinks etc..) unless i say 'go and ask daddy', she also hates daddy putting her to bed because she has a set routine which daddy doesn't always remember to follow.

Could you make him a picture schedual to show him whats going to happen and then he can also use it to show daddy how he likes things done and in what order, we do this for bed time so if for some reason i am not home at bed time dh and dd2 can follow the schedual.

My daughter is the same. She only will let me wipe her nose or do certain things for her. Sometimes I live her with her daddy, so she has no option, but let daddy help her. Although she loves her daddy she wants my attention 24/7. I need to rest sometimes as well!

Marne, we have visual timetables, sequences charts for daily things like getting dressed, eating, bed etc, which both dp and i follow.

Washing hands doesnt help. I think he has the whole germ thing in a muddle, i dont think it is even actually about germs at all.

I think its more to do with 'trusting' and not wanting anything unexpected to happen. Even if both me and DP do things exactly the same, there are subtle differences that we probably dont even notice half the time.

For example i might say to ds 'sit down and get comfy' before i pass him the crisps.

God, i cant have a visual sequence chart for opening a packet of crisps surely!

Ilona33, its exhausting isnt it, dp feels like he is walking on egg shells.

Im just going to have to get tough and put my foot down and put up with the tantrums for a bit, i think.

Ds just has me over a barrel with things like eating and drinking though!