Who do you talk to (in rl) after a bad day ?

[Jo5677]

Hi, my eldest daughter is 12 and has quad cp and extensive brain damage, also one of my son's has asd and gdd. I also have three other children.

Anyway yesterday i had an OT visit about my daughter and her needs now she is becomming a teenager. We are having her bathroom redone as she can no longer use a bath and needs a shower area put in etc, she also needs a new bed with knee breaks and lots of other bits. The OT also spent time talking about slide sheets, a manual handeling belt and having a ceiling track for the hoist put into our livingroom .
Looking after my daughter when she was small wasn't to difficult but as she's getting bigger and older it's getting harder and harder. I get DP's that pay for 8 hours care a week to help me hoist her/do care, and i plan for my daughter to always live with us as she only has the mental age of a 4 year old and no criticism to people who do but i couldn't face ever putting her into a care home set up.
My son who has a whole range of different problems is also needing more and more help the older he's getting.

Anyhow yesterday, after i'd got the kids to bed i ended up getting really upset, mostly i guess because i'm worried how i will cope in the future always having two disabled adults to care for. I have a wonderful husband but he has to work fulltime to keep us. I worry a lot about the future because of silly things like we'd like to move house eventually but if we did we'd have to be able to afford one big enough to have downstairs facilities put in and everything else required. I ended up in tears and my husband was having to comfort me after he'd had a really stressful day at work.
I don't have any other family, just a Mum who i employ through direct payments for the 8 hours a week as she was previously working for the NHS as a carer. I don't like to get upset infront of her as she understandably finds her grandaughter being so disabled upsetting enough herself.

I know everyone gets down days. I just wondered who others turn to when they feel that way ? because i feel sorry for my husband (he is not the childrens father,he left years ago and doesn't contact them)that its always him i have to turn to.
I don't talk to the few friends i do have because i don't feel any of them could really understand, and i don't like to feel i'm getting on their nerves by having a big moan and feeling sorry for myself. Does anyone else feel like that or am i just being silly ? I just wondered who other Mums turn/talk to after a bad day ?

I'm sorry you are having a bad phase. You are no being silly at all. It's just hard to find someone who will understand as i have realised not many people will actually get it unless they are themselves in that situation.

So for me when i'm down i talk a bit to my mum, (have given up on my sis as she is so mean with her bluntness and doesn't even try to understand), DH listens but seldom replies with anything constructive or positive. So i turn to my pc.

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it lately. You are definitely not being silly.

I dont talk to anyone in RL about ds, my mum doesnt understand and says things like 'dont worry, im sure he will grow out of it' her bid to make me feel better, just makes me feel more frustrated! DP is bored of listening (although he doesnt say so, i can see, he has switched off after the first few minutes!)

I moan, chat and sometimes even laugh on here.

Thanks for replying....and thank god for the pc i guess . I don't post too often on here but i often lurk as it just helps me a bit to know i'm not the only one who's had a bad day.

are you a member of
Special kids in the Uk? the forum on there is full of like minded people in similar situations and you'll always get a friendly ear

For me in tl reality is there is no one single parent with 4dc and with ds sn and no chance of a break since ds not even got school place

only place I can really talk is here

I try and talk to dh (which is often a waste of time), i have a lovely friend/neighbour but mainly i turn to MN (you lot), its hard to find others that understand.

For me, it is my husband, but the internet is a huge outlet for me. I'm fairly quiet on here, but I have a small forum of online friends, some of whom I've "known" since DS1 was born, all of whom have ended up on similar journey to us, in recent years. That's the group who I can really share my bleakest thoughts and fears with.

I guess it's not just me then that feels the only other people who can understand or really care sometimes are those in a similar situ.
I think i applied to Special kids in the UK a while ago but never heard back (unless i'm mistaking it with another site). I'll take another look though,thanks for that

I guess I have one RL friend who I talk to, we meet once a week over coffee and I moan and talk to her but never cry infront of her, so Im not sure if its always helpful. I just get told Im strong all the time so feel that if i was crying I wouldnt be, plus dont know if i could stop.
But then I have you lovely lot instead

Jo5677: their join part of the website was broken for a little bit, definitely worth another go.

Ah thanks for that. Will definately give it another go then.

heres the link to join SKITUK if anyone else fancies it, its a totally private members only forum so nothing you put on there will be searchable through google or the like