ASD and negative conversations

[Eveiebaby]

Over about the last couple of weeks our conversations have been going a lot like this;

Me: Hippo is sleeping
DD: Hippo is NOT sleeping
DD: Hippo is NOT sleeping

(we are watching TV and a hippo is quite clearly asleep on the grass)

DD just keeps repeating "Hippo is not sleeping" louder and louder UNTIL I agree with her and say "Hippo is not sleeping"

AAArrgghh - I will not bore you all with tons of other examples but please can anybody tell me is this common in ASD children (DD is 3.9) and does it last forever!!!
I feel I cannot even try to have a conversation with DD now as everything I comment on she just gets shirty about and disagrees with me and will not stop whingeing until I repeat her negative comment.
Any advice please

Yep, it's common, i call it reverse echolalia !!

Both of mine do it, especially when they get stressed, it's like they have to hear a certain word or phrase to help them keep a hold on the world.

The trick is to reverse the control, eg, dd constantly says 'are you happy with me' i have to say 'yes, of course i'm happy'.

dd is only allowed 3 responses to that question then we must talk about something else, those are the rules. It's made life a lot easier as the countdown helps calm dd anyway, much better than answering the same damn question all day !!

My ds would argue black was white and he is 6 and likes to be in control, even of conversations! I think its to do with not being able to see things from another point of view, narrow thinking. He can never be wrong!

I pose everything as a question or a suggestion, im never going to win an arguement

Is the hippo awake or sleeping?

or the hippo has his eyes shut, do you think he is asleep?

or shall we go to sleep like the hippo (lay down and shut eyes)

Ds even argued with the ASD assessor and told him 'you should say it this way'

"I think also that we have it drummed into us by SLTs to model everything back, so for years our children are saying"...

so true! I am always repeating back the correct way to say things (DS has trouble with sounding his consonants) and at the same time repeat and expand on what he has said. LOL... at times i wonder if it's him or me who has echolalia!!

Well, all I can say is...THANK GOD IT'S NOT JUST US

Oh yes we have this too. Sigh.

I agree starlight, they love repeating anyway, and when we repeat their phrases we are pretty much encouraging them aren't we!

DS likes to repeat dialogues from his favourite films or boks and I have to join in. Or he will say 'do you want to sit on my knee mummy?' instead of can I sit on your knee mummy.

At first when I clicked on this I wondered if it was going to be about negativity. I am getting quite worried about DS in this way, he is so negative about things. Can't do it, didn't like it, was scared, was soo lonely, etc etc until I want to cry never mind him! Drives me crazier than the negative echolia as it is emotional too.

Yes, that happens here, too with 'are you happy with me?' He is especially bad when I am on the 'phone and he's watching TV - he will say a phrase over and over again so I often hav e to interrupt to confirm that yes, the lights are on, or Thomas has got stuck etc otherwise he sits and screams at me till I say it

Dd1 (AS and very verbal) still does this and gets very angry with me, i end up agreeing with her to shut her up.

I usually ask a question back, it slightly changes the subject, and then you don't keep repeating yourself, but I might also say, you think the hippo is NOT sleeping?

Ds is nearly six, no dx yet, but I think he has got so much better, so you could breathe deeply and say to yourself "this too will pass" - he still can have that stubborn thing, but it has got better.

DS1(6) will happily (rather grumpily) contradict every damned thing I say, some days!

I also get accused of all kinds of things too.

Ds is really sensitive (grumpy!) Getting him dressed/brushing his teeth/washing his face etc i get.

-why did you hurt me
-i didnt hurt you, i was putting your t-shirt on
-it hurt me
-i didnt mean to hurt you
-yes you did
at this point i have to say 'sorry i didnt mean to, it was an accident, otherwise we will end up with 'yes you did' - 'no i didnt' and so on and on and on and on!

If i try to make a joke of anything or lighten the mood, i get

brushing teeth

-come on open your mouth, like a big lion
-Im not a lion
-i know youre not a lion, i was joking
-why are you lying
-im not lying, i was trying to make you laugh
-no you were lying
at this point ok i know you are not a lion, i wont say it again

Yes, Im afraid its very common. My daughter ( 4.5) does it all the time. It used to drive me insane, but now Im so use to it, it doesnt bother me anymore.

claw- that sounds just like dd1 , i often have to say sorry or just give in and say 'you were rite dd1, i'm sorry'.

Her latest one is telling me off for not letting her finish a sentance.

Dd1- can i have a biscuit
me- yes
dd1- i havn't finished the sentence, i was going to say can i have a biscuit and a drink (cue lots of shouting and foot stamping).

Oh and dd1 doesn't believe in accidents, it always has to be someones fault and not her fault (which leaves me) .

Oh yes, accidents or ds saying sorry for anything are things which just dont happen!

Ds called McDonalds - Huckdonalds for years and i would always repeat back to him McDonalds with lots of emphasis on the MMMMMM

He learnt to read and upon visiting McDonalds and seeing the sign he reads McDonalds

me - yes ds well done MMMMMcDonalds

Ds - why didnt you tell me it was McDonalds and not Huckdonalds!

me - i did

ds - no you didnt

I give up!

With my DS the only person who can correct the mishearing/misunderstanding is the person from whom he first picked up the information - so we had to go back to the teacher to explain that 'dry goods and tins' for Harvest Festival did NOT mean the tins had to be emptied and washed out. I can try and explain such things any way I can think of but it doesn't work, he just will not take it from me!
The other one was endless games of 'I love you' 'I love you too (two)' , 'I love you three' ... and we had to go on for ever and ever and ever. Then we had to do it different ways round depending on whether he wanted to be odd or even numbers. I didn't like that one, it was a great big control thing and nothing to do with love ... and he would get in such a state if I wouldn't play. Luckily that obsession has finally passed (to be replaced by others of course!)... now it is coming back to endlessly discussing one throw-away comment made by us or the teacher for days and days afterwards, gets really stuck - suppose it is a similar thing.

Thank you all for your replies. Seems like this is a common trait! Some replies made me laugh so much although I know it is tiresome and so NOT funny at the time. There have been some great tips that I will try. Thanks again