*do they have to be bad in school to have ADHD?*

[butty]

Another question, just got report back from school and it seems that chloe is struggling with reading and writing as well as concentration and inatentiveness!!
Her behaviour has been but put to be mainly good although there have been a few problems, but they have put this down to it being structured and her knowing class rules.
At home and with others she is a nightmare.!! The pead formally DX ADHD but have to go through the assesment process at the ADHD clinic.
Could she have another form of disorder and which this is why she can be good at school.
I def think she has ADHD but everyone says it depends on her behaviour in school.!!
IS THIS TRUE? AM I FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE?
ADVISE NEEDED PLEASE!!!??

PLEASE, ANY ONE WITH ADVICE FOR ME????

PLEASE< GOING ROUND IN TWISTS HERE!!!!!!

bump

This isn't a perfect answer, but one of the formal bits of the ADHD diagnostic criteria (see here ) is that the problems have to show up in at least two settings - ie, home & school, or school & out in public, or home & out in public, etc. It doesn't have to be behaviour in school that is the clincher one way or the other.

It's purely anecdotal, but I think it is possible that a child with ADHD wouldnt necessarily stand out at school. ADHD doesnt mean badly behaved. If the teachers think she has more problem concentrating than other children, then thats a far more important pointer imo.

Butty I feel for you.

Its not uncommon for children to have two sets of behaviour.

I know from personal experience that J would spend all day struggling to "fit in" with what was expected of him whilst at school and then when he got home from school he would kick off big time.

We all do this in our daily life....spend the day conforming to the set of underwritten social rules....but when we get home we can relax and be who we want to be.

The structure of school, routines and firm boundaries will be beneficial to your dd and she will need this at home to. Have you tried building a daily schedule so your dd knows what is going to happen each day?

oh...i know whatyou mean!!!

My son was dx with ADHD at 7 - then Asperger's at 9...he's 11 now.

All along he has been 'not too bad' at school...but pre-medication he was a nightmare at home.....from waking at 6 till 1 or 2 the following morning when he would eventually fall asleep.

And like you i felt let down by the system that holds so much bias with what the schools say.

My middle son also has asperger's and when i raised his activity/anxiety/anger levels with the paed...she consulted the school ...and cos they say he's ok there...then she puts ALL the 'problem' behaviours down to being 'wound up' by is 2 brothers!

I agree with what binkie said...about 'it' needing to be present in 2 settings...and that it doesn't have to be school and home.

Some on here have used video cameras to 'capture' those moments that you can show to the paed etc..... I bought a Dictaphone just to record 'moments' at home that back up my concerns.

How old is she???

Hi thanks for your messages, ive been away all week. She is 5 in 2 weeks and is a total nightmare in public, she runs away from me and hides in the shops and runs into roads and has no regard for the words of dangererous and no!! I went shopping yesterday and insisted that i strapped her in a trolley and all she did was scream abuse at me whilst informing everone in the shop that "I WILL KILL YOU MUMMY IF YOU DONT LET ME OUT" Every one that knows her says that she has problems and people generally tend to comment on how badly behaved she is, but that she will grow out of it!! They have been saying this for 2 years!!!! The only place she is good is at school!! But every where else she is a nightmare!!!

bump!!

any one there?

Hi Dinosaur, i have filled the conners questionairre as have the school but i have been told that it is a long process to be seen at the clinic of which my first appointment was cancelled!!! I am finding it very hard to deal with things at the moment and to top it off my mum has said that i need to cut my hours down at work as she can't handle chloe as she is just blantently naughty and that the summer hols is a NO NO!! She can be so loving but that is very rare and i get no suppport from the proffessionals as there is nothing set in stone. The people who are involved with my son try to help but find it difficult as they have nothing to do with ADHD, although ther advises are good at times and they see what it is like for me. I wish they would speed the process up so that i can move forward and start to help my daughter and save my relationship and sanity!!

Cheers i will do as a bit of advise and support never goes a miss where i'm concerned and it is much appreciated.

at the end of the appointment with the pead, he told me that he would say that she has ADHD and possibly borderline aspergers as she played her usual part of being naughty, interupting, running out of the room etc. I recieved a phone call a few days later and then a letter to confirm what he said and what he thought of her after the appointment but had to advise me that to get a proper DX the conners had to be completed and sent to clinic and then she would be assesed by by different pros in order to be confirmed and only then after that would i recieve further advises on handling the situ including meds if needed. So it appears although he is the specialist their have to be others involved to get correct DX. I suppose it's to cover their backs if they make an incorrect DX.

yes she can but not my full working hours so have told my boss have to cut them down, but he is understanding and said that i can take as long as i need to return to normal. At least i get more time with the kids although i will be glutten for punishment, but it is their hols and i feel that i should be with them more.

any one any ideas on what to do in the hols that dont involve shops,parks or roads!!!???? Struggling for ideas to take chloe and her brother out together as she runs off and he cant walk or communicate with me.

Hi butty sorry you are having a crap time, are there any soft play areas/ball pools near you which would have stuff for both kids. I lived at these types of places when my two were younger. Don't have any knowledge of specific adhd strategies but have a 10 year old AS dd who wasn't dx til age 7 and I had years of struggle on my own with an often very hyper child and toddler with practically no family support/professional input and a dh working 12 hour days.

Would Chloe tolerate a wrist strap when out and about? Also you could try a key ring attached to a small booklet with familiar photos of different parts of your journey to keep her focused on turning over each pic as you have past it?

Would she respond to a star chart/ earning something motivating for positive behaviour?

You may have tried these sorts of things but let me know if you need more ideas I have loads of them up my sleeve!!

Im sorry to hear that your having a crap time too.. your dd's problems sound quite similat to my ds. My ds has struggled with behaviour, concentration and obsessive behaviour in school and at home. Sometimes he can be good either ar school and at home. The school nurse had me and his teacher fill in a questionnaire and we both got the same results. ds has now been referred and we are now waiting for an appointment which can take up to 18 months

I am dreading the summer holidays too because I have to take my two children out together and where I can manage one on thier. own I sure as hell can't manage two as ds will run off and dd aged 3 next week will copy him and they will fight and he gets over excited which winds her up. He has no sense of danger either and will wander accross roads without looking.

I'm sorry that I haven't got any advice for you, just that you have my sympathy!

Thank you for all your support, it is greatly appreciated but putting things in to motion is an uphill battle. Spent last night and this morning locked away from everything as she is just too much. This weather does'nt help as ther is no where to go when it is peeing it down as i camt really afford constant days out!!!

Hi All, been away again. Just bumping to see if anyone else with advise for me as things are pretty tough at the mo with the school holidays and dreading the upcoming weeks!!!!!!

going off the rails again, just come back from a week camping and cant seem to control her behaviour. Cant wait for school to start back as virtually impossible to keep her occupied and stop the tantrums and arguments. Does any one have any ideas of which may help!??? Pretty Please!!!!!!!!

Hi

Haven't had time to read all the posts fully, but I thought you might be interested in the following sites for thoughts on managing behaviour.

premium.netdoktor.com/uk/adhd/living/parents/article.jsp?articleIdent=uk.adhd.living.parents.uk_adhd_xmlarticle_004672 and premium.netdoktor.com/uk/adhd/living/behaviour/article.jsp?articleIdent=uk.adhd.living.behaviour.uk_adhd_xmlarticle_004682

Some parents of active/challenging children swear by swimming (which is usually relatively cheap) as it burns off lots of energy and being in the water slows kids down (hard to run off etc.). Does your local council run any play days? They are similar to playscheme days but free.

One mistake people often make with very active children is to keep the noise/activity levels very high all the time, to 'match' what the child seems to prefer. In fact, if a child doesn't have the resources to calm themselves down, they can really benefit from the people and environment around them being calm and relaxed at certain times in the day. Of course, that is easier said than done!

On the matter of diagnosis, it is important to have a view of the behaviour across situations, and is it not unusual for behaviour to differ according to the context. While it can be externmely helpful to have a formal diagnosis, equally a wrong diagnosis can be very unhelpful, so the team will take care to gather plenty of information. I think you will find that the behavioural guidance and support you should receive from the service will essentially be the same whether or not your daughter meets diagnostic criteria. Formal diagnosis becomes more of an issue if you want to consider medication - which is a whole other debate!

There is also a very helpful general ADHD website at www.addies.org

Good luck!