Hi
My DS is 6 1/2 and has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. He had trouble for years with toileting and has only been reliably dry at school this year (he is in Year 2).
In Reception he frequently came home wet, it drove me mad. If wetness is the main problem then the first thing to remember is that worst case scenario is she will come home wet. Whilst its annoying its not the end of the world, the other children wont notice, they really wont I promise you, and hopefully she wont care either (you didnt mention if wetting herlelf upsets her ? My DS couldnt have cared less ... half the problem .....). You can always send in a carrier bag of spare pants/tights/skirt stuffed in her bookbag so then you arent having to keep track of rapidly turning around school spares if she comes home in a change of clothes.
Obvious, but buy tons of bottom halfs of uniform (tights/skirts/trousers) so you arent stresing about getting them washed in time for the next day.
So thats all worst case. I promise promise promise you she will not be the only child who isnt reliably dry. School wont think you are over fussing if you mention it to them. You will probably be asked to fill in a detialed questionnaire about her likes/dislikes/strengths/areas of concern (if any) before she starts. When she has a visit, if its the same teacher that she's going to have, introduce yourself and mention it then. Mention it again on day 1. Assess how she got on and ask them to make sure she is reminded frequently (even if you think she'll ignore them or say she doesnt need to go). Also remember school toilets can be minging and smell rank so who would blame them for not wanting to go in them ? When she starts, if she does come home wet a lot ask to see the teacher and ask them what they normally do in this situation. They may suggest a timer than beeps every half hour as a reminder, or something like that. Ask them how the children are supposed to tell them they need to go - do they shout out, raise their hand, just take themselves off, or what. This way you can remind her at home what to do.
I've no idea about the poo thing though my son did go through a stage of pooing first thing every morning in his pullup. We did have a potty in his room at some stage but I cant remember if that worked. I think his body routine just changed or something.
To give you some hope - my DS is now (touch wood) dry in the day at school and doesnt come home wet at all. He still has accidents at home (I guess home if more interesting so he doesnt want to leave the xbox/ds/telly to go!) and he is still in pullups at night.
I remember before he started school I was worried about the forthcoming September and how he would be in school and people used to say "ITS A LONG WAY OFF" and I would think "yes yes but he's been wetting himself for years, no way will he sort it out before September" and he didnt, we had some periods where I would get so stressed and angry, but as I say he is loads better now, its just taken time and gargantuan amounts of patience and tolerance.
HTH and sorry for waffling
Jill
ps havent spell checked, out of time!