Please or to access all these features

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Would you be annoyed at teacher for saying this?

15 replies

starfish71 · 13/03/2010 10:08

Know I have mentioned this in my thread yesterday but this is really niggling at me.

For the second time my DS2's teacher said to me this week how he and the SENCO were watching my DS in assembly and they both thought how 'fascinating' it was to watch him! DS2 is under assessment for ASD. I didn't asked him what actually my DS was doing - I was too stunned and cross. By the way teacher is also deputy head - I really don't think it was a useful, constructive or nice word to use especially as he had just finished telling me how the gap was widening between my ds and his peers and some of his autism traits were becoming more obvious.

Just had a very tough week and he hasn't helped. Sorry rant over

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 13/03/2010 10:13

It was tactless, but if they are watching him with an eye as to how best to support him rather than seeing all the ways he is 'different' with a view to 'normalising' him, I wouldn't worry.
Observation is important, and at least they were finding it fascinating rather than annoying. You will meet many others who phrase things poorly, don't get angry, get precise.
Be calm, nail their feet to the floor about provision, reasonable accommodation and easing situations to maximise the benefit for him.

starfish71 · 13/03/2010 10:20

Thanks goblin - yes I know you are right - at least they are taking notice of him now. Going to panel on 22nd to see if they will agree to Statutory assess him. He doesn't cause any trouble in school, very quiet in class so I know the fact that he is at least watching him more closely will only help me get what DS2 needs. Its just have been a a bit of a roller coaster this week (EP report which although not a shock was hard to read) and am feeling sorry for myself and my lovely happy little boy.

Filling up again just thinking of it - oh dear. taking ds2 to party later so hopefully that will be a distraction. Thank you - good to have some perspective on it. x

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 13/03/2010 10:30

My lad is 15 now, he's lovely, happy at school and heading confidently towards GCSEs.
Pick your fights is the best advice I can give, educate the ignorant but willing to learn and stomp the seriously bolshie and unwilling to accommodate into the ground whilst battering them with your copy of the SENCOP.
And post a lot, it helps with the confusion and worry and despair. Plus you can share good stuff that parents of NT children won't understand.

genieinabottle · 13/03/2010 10:43

I too am a bit sensitive to what people say. A few days ago, DS was withdrawn on arrival at nursery, and he was observasing in silence another child (who was new to the nursery), teacher was trying to engage with DS who was ignoring her.
She said "oh i see! you're having one of your funny 5 minutes!". err... wasn't too pleased to hear that.

I hope in time i'll grow rhino skin and comments like this won't touch me anymore. I think you and i are still new to the autism world so we need time to adjust and take things in our stride. Btw i understand why you were a bit annoyed with the comments about your DS, i would have been too i think.

lou031205 · 13/03/2010 12:27

No, I wouldn't be. They have been observing him, and are starting to get an insight into the way he reacts. It may well be 'fascinating' to watch. It doesn't mean he is an object of entertainment.

I think we have to lighten up a bit, to be honest. If we are so prickly about every description of our children in case there is some underlying judgement on their place or value in society, people will just stop discussing them at all. And we will be even more isolated.

starfish71 · 13/03/2010 16:33

Thanks for your comments genie and lou. Its just that this is all new to me and am trying to take it all in and not take things too personally but its difficult at the moment. I will get stronger and will concentrate on what matters - my ds and what he needs.

It has helped though putting it 'out there' and having other people's opinions - thank you.

OP posts:
starfish71 · 13/03/2010 16:37

Thanks to goblin too - great to hear how wonderful your ds is doing! I will learn to pick my fights - and will keep on posting and learning from you all who have 'been there'

OP posts:
pippop1 · 13/03/2010 17:52

When we took my 11 year old DS for an Ed Phych report the EP said "we are going to test you on all the things that you can't do". (he's dyslexic and dyspraxic)

What a scary thing to say to a child. I immediately said we call it "things that you might find easy and things that you might find a bit more difficult.

I thought she was so negative at the start and turned out to be rubbish EP. (Paid a few 100 pounds too). Have now seen three (he is 21) and the other two were fine.

This was the middle one and her report was inaccurate compared to the other two which matched (if that makes sense).

pippop1 · 13/03/2010 17:52

When we took my 11 year old DS for an Ed Phych report the EP said "we are going to test you on all the things that you can't do". (he's dyslexic and dyspraxic)

What a scary thing to say to a child. I immediately said we call it "things that you might find easy and things that you might find a bit more difficult.

I thought she was so negative at the start and turned out to be rubbish EP. (Paid a few 100 pounds too). Have now seen three (he is 21) and the other two were fine.

This was the middle one and her report was inaccurate compared to the other two which matched (if that makes sense).

troublewithtalk · 13/03/2010 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goblinchild · 13/03/2010 19:00

I agree that there are some tactless and inconsiderate people out there who ought to behave more professionally but are too insensitive to understand how their remarks are taken.
They are plonkers who need to be talked to firmly and educated by a calm but determined parent, and any back-up people that get called in like CAMHS, parent partnership and the NAS for example. They may be well-intentioned and willing to learn how to facilitate learning by the child in the best way possible.

There are others, also professional, who are intentionally reluctant to listen to information and advice, regard any child with particular needs as a PITA and who can cause real harm and long-term damage.
I try and check which category I feel people fit before proceeding accordingly.
If you stomp over someone in category A, however justifiable it may be, you are losing an opportunity to improve the situation for your child, and any subsequent children that individual comes into contact with.
Category B... Stomp away!

NorthernSky · 13/03/2010 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ouryve · 13/03/2010 21:38

I'm sorry it hit a nerve with you. You're obviously still feeling a bit raw.

Even though I could see it for myself, I was a little bit sensitive about some of the things said about DS1 when he was first being diagnosed, partly because i took them to be a reflection of my own parenting, since no one had conformed that he was autistic and hyperactive rather than badly disciplined at that point. Other things I'd already reached the point of black humour with.

It might not have been meant in a derogatory way, anyhow. There's a constant rolling tape on the TV screen in the reception area of DS1's school and part of it is footage of some "Expochef" visit from last year. DS1 was in reception, then, so in the front row, right in front of the camera and I've actually commented, myself, to his TA that he's fascinating to watch. He's being totally himself (at the time it was filmed), so a bit fidgetty, but he's so animated and occasionally, he responds so enthusiastically to something that happens out front, then he drifts off into the land of his own thoughts again.

And I agree with Goblinchild, that it's helpful that they are noticing that he is different. The school will be asked for their views at some point in the assessment, and again if you apply for DLA, if you haven't already. If you receive comments like "he's so fascinating" in the future, politely ask whoever says it for a clarification, since those are the opinions they'll be likely to be sharing and which will, hopefully, go some way to building up a picture of why your son was referred for assessment in the first place.

ouryve · 13/03/2010 21:42

"Challenge for the year" would, in my mind that has me saying the right things at the right time, have me replying "Yes he will be. I hope you learn as much from him as he does for you."

pinkiepunksmummy · 13/03/2010 22:34

DS was recently described by his SALT as 'complicated'. She immediately started to apologise, but I wasn't bothered.....I knew she meant his speech problems, not him.

And at least she was acknowledging his problems for a change, rather than the usual 'it'll all be fine' in the stupid sing-song voice when things quite clearly aren't fine

New posts on this thread. Refresh page