why am I being constantly told I'm wrong!! do I not know my SON!!!

[devientenigma]

Can't stop crying...really bad meeting with school and behaviour team today!!

poor you. What happened?

This will probs come out all wrong through tears. Son is school refusing again. Though I am managing to get him there, even if it is mid morning or dinnertime. He keeps telling us hes scared. Even through the night he wakes screaming saying no school.
What we get off them is his behaviour is inconsistent and I hardly think he's scared.

when a child struggles to communicate, how the hell do they know.
You are his mum, you know him best.
Something small may of changed, but in his world its huge.
No real advice, just hugs & reassurance x

it's insulting when people think they know best who can't possibly in compaison to his mother.

Are you generally happy with the school or would a way ahead be to ask for an Interim Review and new placement?

I agree, it might just be something small at the root of the problem, but it probably dominates the whole of his view of school.

Have you never got an issue out of all proportion when you wake up in the night?
I am not saying your child is not genuinely worried when he is not at school but I can see the school's dilemmma here.
You see: anxious child, screaming that he hates school.
They see: child who appears OK when he gets there.
In a way you are both right. He is clearly anxious about school, or going to school and there is a problem that needs to be sorted out, but if the school only see him coping or OK they are in a very difficult position.
It is a more common problem than you might think- but if you are the teacher you can only go on what you see.
In case you think I don't know what I am talking about my DS is 15 and still refuses to go to school sometimes. We ring the school and they always say "Well bring him in when you can" which is what we do, and he will often have an OK day. (Days when he actually enjoys school are red letter days and don't happen very often). He has Aspergers by the way, and he can't always explain what it is that sets him off, although he is getting better at it.
Is he able to talk about what it is specifically that worries him. I knew a little girl whose worry was that the toilet seats were black, and it took ages to find that out.

Thanks Anon and ouryve.
Givememoresleep this is the only SLD school in the borough. So maybe hard to change school.
imahappycamper, I see where your coming from. We have worked on this issue a number of times, for a number of years, doing an emotions chart for how his day has been. (consistantly picks scared) going through the schools activites/lessons using a happy face and a sad face....apart from soft play and library he doesn't like anything else. He is also the same for the holiday playschemes so it's not just school, it's just school tends to dominate the majority of the year. However playscheme is at the same school.
Something has been said about social phobia and seperation anxiety (to the home rather than me and his dad).
Hope you understand all this. DS is 9 primarily down syndrome and is often refered to as challenging and complex if that also helps.
The Ed psycs assistant has just got involved and conversations I have had with her have proven to me that school are not forthcoming with his issues/problems. She has a few more asessments to do and also wants to talk to a few of the profs involved outside of school. This is all very much up in the air at the mo so don't know what to make of it either.
Just wasn't happy as we have had the same convo for years to no avail and son continues to be stressed. I also feel the parents get the blame for something we are or not doing. He also has a heart condition and cardiologist has expressed him not to be stressed, however what can I do.
Hope this all makes sense. thanks for the rant. If anyone has any other ideas etc feel free to let me know.
Thanks again everyone.

Devientenigma, I know where you are coming from. I alluded to the power of the institution v. the parent in another thread

DS (also SLD) is selectively mute at school. I have only just found this out but it has obviously been going on for a long time. The teacher has been complaining that he is very tired for some time and has consistently suggested - i.e. blamed us - that it is because we started him on Rispiridone and because we take him out sometimes in the evening (his passion in life is live music).

No matter how many times we have said that he is very verbal and very loud in all other settings, that he is on a sub-clinical dose of Rispiridone and that he goes out all of 8 times a year, the teachers continue to hint that we are to blame.

I have found that once a suggestion is made in an institution like an SLD school, it can gain momentum whether it is true or not. Any suggestion that it is something to do with them is not accepted. It can be the same with the NHS and it is very poor, non-reflective practice.

Great job, getting the Ed psych involved. I have finally got the SALT involved and the teachers are being persuaded to observe him in other settings and think about what else could be triggering his mutism, e.g., being scared of other pupils, being in a mainly non-verbal class, being bored etc. They have been shocked to find out how loud he is in his afterschool club.

Have you asked to go into his school and observe your ds in action? That is my next step.

Good luck, keep believing in yourself and keep a open mind on it.