Bad day at school

[JollyPirate]

Collected DS from school today to be told there had been "an incident" over some Lego. Evidently DS did not want to wait for the Lego - an argument ensued which ended with DS spitting in the other child's face . The school says it was all dealth with at the time and DS was banned from using the Lego for the rest of the day but to be honest I am a bit worried about it all.

I am attending the social communication clinic with DS on the 25th March and it really cannot come round quickly enough. I am so anxious about how DS relates to other children. His class teachers say he does not read social situations very well and seems unable to always read facial cues. The paed who saw him recently said dyspraxia, dyslexia and social communication disorder. Personally I don't like the term "social communication disorder" but that's a whole other issue.
DS is 7 now and these problems have been ongoing from nursery although some things have improved others have not. Concentration and attention are other issues with him and some sensory stuff too. Tbh I feel like we are wandering down towards a diagnosis of Aspergers or PDD-NOS. The speech and language therapist who saw DS in school recently noted that he had poor eye contact at times and that while he chatted happily with her he did not show any interest in who she was or ask any questions about her - even when prompted.

Three months ago he bit another child in a scuffle. I was mortified as it is the only time he has ever bitten (he was always the child who GOT bitten - never ever the biter). In discussion it seems that the other child spat at him and they scuffled which ended with DS biting the other child's jumper (so he says) but catching skin. The school say they did not see the bite happen and couldn't see any marks on the other child, however the grandmother went for me in the playground several days later saying there were marks there. This has not happened again. The idea of two 6/7 year olds scuffling is a bit hideous and I do wonder why it wasn't nipped in the ud before it got that far but then the TA's and teachers cannot watch everyone I suppose.

DS has 15 hours of 1-1 time a week and the school say that he is not naughty but fidgety, unable to concentrate and stressed by some sensory stuff (noises usually) when he will cover his ears. The ckass teacher says she could not manage DS without that classroom support (which is what I was told by the teacher last year as well).

It all seems to have gone downhill again and I am so concerned. FWIW DS has never lived in a violent home and has not witnessed spitting etc from us.

I am at wits end at the moment and wondering what his future holds - if his communication skills stay this bad then the prospects are horrible (even though I know realistically that they will improve with maturity).

He does go into meltdown over silly things sometimes - he just had a massive one because I wouldn't let him have a bowl of sugar puffs (had just eaten tea so did not need them). Cue, screaming rage, jumping up and down on the stairs, lying on the kitchen floor raging. I didn't ignore him (although maybe I should have done) but talked to him through it explaining why - the rage opassed quickly and he is now the picture of innocence cuddled up to me here - I am MNing and he is watching Pingu.

I don't actually know if I need any advice - just need to vent a bit about DS being the difficult one in the class and the one who isn't liked by the other parents always. Certainly he gets no playdate invites and very few party invites.

You poor thing.

All 5 to 6 year olds do revolting things to each other. I really wouldn't stress too much about the spitting (although easy to say because I would be doing just the same as you!). He spat because last time when that other boy had driven him to distraction that boy had spat at him. He wanted the lego. You don't know - some other kid might have snatched it off him or not let him play. I would talk to him about not spitting and tell him to get a teacher if someone is annoying him.

He sounds very very like my chap with a similar range of difficulties. Mine could tantrum for England. He had reall difficulties coping with school especially at the early stages. It got better as time progressed. However, he was never invited to stuff. No play dates etc etc. so I feel your pain. The good thing is that he is soooo nice. He's 15 now and does my garden for me. His communication has improved beyond belief. Don't feel too down. Your little boy sounds lovely. It's not his fault that school is full of such sensory overload that he reacts in a certain way. If you can get some SALT then do and also some OT.

All the best. Sending virtual wine and chocolate cake (diabetic friendly so it's sort of good for you . . .)

Thank you flyingmum - it's hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes so it's good to hear about other children like your DS who has been through similar issues and come out the other side.

Thank you for the wine - cheers

I know what you're going through - this sounds just like my DS (apart from the biting). He has had problems on and off since nursery and you think things are better only for them to go downhill again. My ds also has no friends, is viewed as the 'difficult' child of the class and was recently verbally attacked by a girls mum so I know what you mean about the parents! DS had a really bad day yesterday and was almost excluded but school are trying to be supportive ( I am a governor so not sure if that helps or not. Does your ds have a statement? We will be going down that route but awaiting results/reports as additional evidence.Think we are going towards Aspergers/ADHD diagnosis.It might be worth asking school for an extra eye to be kept on him at lunchtimes although I know this can be difficult.Would be interested to know how it goes at the social communication clinic as we have an appointment in April. I know it's hard but try not to worry - there will be good days.

Hi Jollypirate-I too feel your pain!! My DS (dyspraxia/sensory stuff/probable ASD/communication probs also having real problems in reception-sensory overload and trying desperately to cope with the day are causing him to push others and display anxious and unpredictable behaviour-toileting has also gone out of the window-every day I pick him up there is an endless list of stuff he has done/found difficult and although the school are very supportive I still find it deeply distressing and have endless sleepless nights about it. He also rarely gets invited on playdates or to parties unless by default (ie I know the mums).
Flyingmum-its so nice to hear positive outcomes-my heart is always in my mouth at school pick up time...
I too send wine and hugs and I know how you feels!

google 'retained reflexes' and if any of the things listed sound familiar, find a sensory trained OT who may be able to help.

This all sounds so familiar! The other posts have given some brilliant advice too. My son is 14 now and much better. He's come through the other side as a very loving little, or should I say not so little(!)chap. I think it did help him being told every day that I loved him no matter what and giving him lots of hugs.
As for the school gates - uuuhhhh - I used to hate those too, wondering what comments I would get next. I used to try to not rise to the bait, just say that if there were any issues then they must be discussed through the school - that way your less likely to get exaggerations and lies. Teachers are used to it btw - I've been that side of the fence too!
{{{{Virtual hugs}}}}

Reception was definately the worst year. Nothing has been that bad (hopefully - fingers crossed). By year 5 I stopped jumping everytime the phone rang. However, I still get a pit in my stomach if the school have to phone me for anything.

Mine has just cleared a huge jungle in the garden. Isn't he a hug bug! He also chopped (very slowly) all the veg for the stew. He might not be able to handwrite but he's a devil with secateurs (can't spell sorry).

It's going to be a roller coaster ladies but your lovely children are going to be just fine with you as their mums. Remember to go do something for yourselves. And a bit of escape is absolutely fine. I'm a great believer in male bonding and I think the chaps don't get so wound up like we do so make sure their dad's do dad stuff with them (in my son's case camping - he hates sport cause he can't see the bloody ball due to his visual perception difficulties).
MsMum - does yours eat you out of house and home too?