Poking Pencil in another Child's Ear.

[TheRealMrsF]

Alex was close to exclusion on friday after as the teacher explained....

"Despitebeing told REPEATEDLY to RESPECT PEOPLE'S PRIVATE 'SPACE' & NOT BLOW ON THEM OR TOUCH THEM; Today alex stuck a pencil in another child's ear......"

Soooooooooooo..... i've explained to him whay he was wrong to do this...and the cosequences that it COULD have caused to the child....and how this behaviour is WRONG etc......

But...as you know i am so sure he has Aperger's.... and i find episodes like this just reinforce my belief.

In the last 2 weeks he has been withdrawn from assembly EVERY day....BECAUSE.... he despite being told over an over again NOT to touch other children....he either pivots full circle on his bum...or fiddles with other children's shoe laces or zips on their skirts....

So this incident in class does not suprise me...he needs to be sat so that he cannot fiddle/poke etc others ...or he needs someone with him to 'keep him on track'

i am annoyed that this latest incident proves my belief that the school ONLY do something when the behaviour affects someone else.... yet this could have been disatorous...what id he'd really hurt that child..... woukld the school have accepted responsibility that i have asked them time and time again to assess him for AS etc...and take me seriously...and seat him away from the 'temptation' as they call it..... and then because noone has listened...and he could have seriously injured this child...he is put on the 'final' step b4 exclusion ...BUT NOTHING ELSE IS DONE to 'avoid' this again.....

To be honest...i'm glad that in september i am moving him and his brother to a different school...i shall copy the letter about this latest incident to their new Head teacher....

What narks me the most is that the school won't listen to me when i say that he cannot see consequences.... does not learn from his mistakes...and does not seek approval- or dissaproval.... as he is very egocentric....he only seeks to satisfy his needs....to me this screams ASD.....but maybe i am wrong ...maybe he's 'just' a naughty little boy.

My first thought on reading about the pencil was that if he's anything like ds1 then he'll have taken things very literally. Ds1 would have no idea what "private space" meant and so would have looked at what else he was told:

• Don't blow on them - no, he followed that rule this time.

• don't touch them - again, looking at things literally he didn't touch them. The pencil did!

It's so hard trying to cover absolutely every possibilty, isn't it? When ds1 was having problems with another child dh told him that if it happened again he should tell a teacher. I had to step in and specifically say "Tell a grownup" - otherwise it wouldn't occur to him to tell a dinner lady, teaching assistant etc.

Poor you MrsF, it is just plain lazy (and worse) of the school to, at the same time, load the problems on you, and ignore the suggestions you're offering. I would be too

As to the personal space thing, it's only part of the picture, isn't it? And as always there's quite a fine line. My ds who as you probably know has a fair few problems but is thought not to be AS is most definitely a fiddler and a crosser of boundaries (he had as one of his targets last term "Not to Touch Teachers' Anything"), and I think the fiddling is more to do with distractibility than ASD. Ie, his mind is just simply elsewhere when his fingers stretch out - so if he catches my eye and I am doing my patented basilisk glare he'll jump his hand back. So he knows it is wrong; but something impulsive & momentary overrides that.

So if the school see only the impulsive behaviour then they mightn't understand that there's a wider picture. But I just can't understand why on earth they would disregard your message that there is a wider picture. If they can't appreciate you, you're definitely better off elsewhere.

(An incidental wee anecdote: we don't have pets at home, but we visited a friend (a Mnetter in fact) who has the most wonderful dignified giant cat. Ds was getting into this cat's personal space and instead of scratching it lifted a huge paw and just whopped him firmly. He jumped across the room; and since then has had much more respect for personal space. It was a little lesson simple enough for him to take on board. Do you have pets?)

Mrs F, how annoying, I'd be pulling my hair out. Sounds like you've made a very wise choice changing their schools.

My ds has no idea of personal space either, in his school photo he's even leaning on the boy next to him. He simply can't help touching, and poking and prodding. The school are really understanding about this though, and have given him his own little chair to use in assemblies and in the quiet area, so he can't bother the others.