Time to come out of Mainstream?

[thesteelfairy2]

Have also posted this is SN before I saw this board and thought probably better to post here.

Ds is 7 diagnosed with HFA. He has been in mainstream since nursery and tbh has never really managed all that well.

Today he has been sent home from school for the 3rd time this half term and I am called in nearly every single day to help him to calm down and manage.

I am crying while I type this. Apparently he spits, kicks and punches staff at school, behaviours he NEVER exhibits at home, if I did not trust the staff who deal with him I could not believe this is my ds.

He is extremely high functioning but has sensory issues and is unable to express when something has upset, scared or hurt him and then will go into meltdown. There are certain triggers that set him off. I can't stand to keep going in there day after day and seeing his red, unhappy, frustrated hot little face, he calms down immediately when he sees me.

Would you pull him out and try a Special Needs School? The school are behind this and his SENCO recommends it but I get mixed messages from them. A few members of staff are fully aware of his issues and extremely supportive but if they are not around he just seems go into freefall. Also they do not seem to want to change the triggers that set him off ie in a "well he has to learn to fit in, that is what he is here for" kind of way. But it is just NOT working. I thought the whole point of SN in Mainstream was that the curriculum be adapted to allow the child to access it?

Any advice at all would be so welcome, help me to articulate the above verbally. I am ok at writing things down like this but just cannot really hold my own conversationally without becoming flustered (Maybe I am HFA too!) Sorry this is so long. I feel so sad and frustrated on ds's behalf.

Is there no way you could ask for a rewrite of the statement at Annual Review, and say he needs a full time LSA? My DS is also 7, also ASD but would not cope in mainstream for even a minute without an LSA. Otherwise yes I would look at special school and see what you think, as your stress levels and his sound bad. You could write all this in an email, it is easier to marshall your thoughts that way and I find that my SENCO and LEA bods all respond quicker to email nowadays than to letters or phone calls.

I have to be honest they have been amazing with him. He is statemented and has 1:1 but mornings only he really needs it full time. Have spoken to his SENCO now and she is arranging for an early annual review. She says we need to either request the new school or full time 1:1 and other support as required. Apparently there will be a meeting next week.

He has had an OT assessment but nothing further than that. Thanks for mentioning it will bring it up at review.

Yes the daily stress thing has been really worrying me, keeping me up at nights actually. I try to keep things as quiet and non stressful as possible here but then feel like I am throwing him to the lions every day.

You are right though his school are fantastic, they all work so hard to make sure he can manage there. I think I forget this sometimes though when I recieve my daily phone call.

OMG Steel Fairy ... you are describing my son / my life / my dilemma ... precisely!

I have the exact same situation ... Son, 7, Aspergers and ADHD (on daily meds). Very supportive school who just can't manage his melt-downs, which are seemingly un-predictable. He's really great at home, happy and engaged and great company, but school is a huge and on-going problem, despite his Assistant in class. I'm getting those calls, collecting early etc, and have just been to see a special school, as, like you, I can't see the point of continuing to force him to tolerate a place where he clearly feels like a square peg in a round hole.

Did you decide on special school in the end? Or did you get extra help where you are?

Have you thought about a specialist unit in a mainstream school. In some of the London LEA some of the mainstream schools have these where the pupils have specialist teaching, high staff ratio small groups, consistent routines, use of visual aids and supported inclusion into their mainstream class.
Although a special school may meet his needs better but it is work having a look