Time to come out of MS?

[thesteelfairy2]

Ds is 7 diagnosed with HFA. He has been in mainstream since nursery and tbh has never really managed all that well.

Today he has been sent home from school for the 3rd time this half term and I am called in nearly every single day to help him to calm down and manage.

I am crying while I type this. Apparently he spits, kicks and punches staff at school, behaviours he NEVER exhibits at home, if I did not trust the staff who deal with him I could not believe this is my ds.

He is extremely high functioning but has sensory issues and is unable to express when something has upset, scared or hurt him and then will go into meltdown. There are certain triggers that set him off. I can't stand to keep going in there day after day and seeing his red, unhappy, frustrated hot little face, he calms down immediately when he sees me.

Would you pull him out and try a Special Needs School? The school are behind this and his SENCO recommends it but I get mixed messages from them. A few members of staff are fully aware of his issues and extremely supportive but if they are not around he just seems go into freefall. Also they do not seem to want to change the triggers that set him off ie in a "well he has to learn to fit in, that is what he is here for" kind of way. But it is just NOT working. I thought the whole point of SN in Mainstream was that the curriculum be adapted to allow the child to access it?

Any advice at all would be so welcome, help me to articulate the above verbally. I am ok at writing things down like this but just cannot really hold my own conversationally without becoming flustered (Maybe I am HFA too!) Sorry this is so long. I feel so sad and frustrated on ds's behalf.

Im sorry you are having a tough time. Could you have a look at the local SN school and see what you think of them? DS has autism and goes to a Special needs school and unfortunately they also have the attitude that DS needs to learn to adapt but they do have a smaller class and teachers and assistants that are trained better.

Cannot answer your question, but i think generally in MS there is a tendancy to expect much effort from the child to adapt and fit in... Someone who said this outloud to us was the autism team paed, we had a chat about DS starting MS in september, and she said '...he will be expected to adapt to their rules, not just follow his own,...' (something like that anyway).

I think you need to get some advice from IPSEA www.ipsea.org.uk and Advisory Centre for Education www.ace.org.uk - these are experts in education law.

You are right in that the school should be making reasonable adjustments for your child and the fact that he can behave well with the appropriate support and staff that understand him speaks volumes.

Sorry you're going through this - it's heartbreaking when we have to send our children to school when we know they're not happy there.

Well, the poor kid is never going to "just learn" to fit in so if he is to stand any chance of staying there, they are going to need to do more than just hope he'll come round to their ideas.

If you struggle to express yourself verbally, put it in writing. There's nothing wrong with that. If you organise a meeting, take what you want to say in bullet points and talk around that. I suffer from terrible aphasia, sometimes, so know how it feels to not be able to get my point across when it matters.

DS1 is in year 1 and has been struggling similarly with school, since autumn half term, and is at the point where his future in mainstream is uncertain. Here are some of the things being done for him in his MS school, which show what it's possible to do if the right strings are pulled. The local autism outreach/advisor has helped the school to put a lot of these things in place. Some of these things are of benefit to the school as a whole, too.

He is currently on a reduced timetable - mornings, plus lunchtime, all day Friday if he can handle it. This, alone, has made a huge difference to his ability to cope with school and will hopefully be a temporary measure, until other stuff shows results.

He has 2 LSAs who rotate during the day, so they stay fresh and he doesn't get sick of the sight of them.

The school have cleared out a cupboard to use as a quiet room. It has to be open for use to the rest of the school, but this means that Y3 are currently using it as a planetarium, which he loves!

He has been assessed by inclusion services and loaned a laptop with Clicker 5 on it. He loves computers, so as well as giving him ways to access the curriculum, it's a good incentive for him to be calm and compliant at the start of the day, since he will not get to use it if he is aggressive or angry, that day.

Training is being organised for the staff in handling meltdowns and aggression, right from the point of diffusing the meltdown before it even takes hold, to handling him and ensuring the safety of DS1 and other if he does blow his top.

I feel for you. His behaviour sounds very much like my DS when he reached Yr4. He is still in m/s now (in Yr6), but only because it has taken so long to deal with his statement.

What kind of support is he getting at school now? Does he have a statement and does he get any 1:1? Has the Ed Psych been to assess him and made any recommendations?

When he 'gets sent home', are the school giving him an official fixed term exclusion? They should not be asking him to go home unless he has been excluded (or if it is for health reasons). My school kept doing this and I supported it initially because I didn't want him to have exclusions on his school record. But in fact it would have been better for us if they'd recorded all of the exclusions because it would have shown that he needed extra support. I would be wary of being too supportive by coming in to calm him down every day. If they need someone extra in school to manage him, they should be getting funding for support to do this. If you end up doing it all, they won't be motivated to seek that support iyswim.

I would ask to go to visit the SN school. I would also not limit your options to just this mainstream and that SN school. Ask locally what other MS schools do well with SN children. Visit them and visit other SN schools too, including any independent ones. If your DS is high functioning and achieving age-appropriate NC levels, some SN schools won't be suitable for him as he may not be academically challenged/have a suitable peer group.

I would highly recommend calling these people www.sossen.org.uk/. my dd is very hf but really could not cope with other aspects of ms and is now in a fantastic private sn school for children with sn who have an average and above IQ.

oh and been there done that with regards to so many insensitive things said and my dd being mismanaged on a daily basis, my heart goes out to you the difference in my dd's and our life is amazing. good luck!

Thank you all so much, so much to think about going to read all your posts and absorb the information, some of it sounds like it would be perfect for ds, especially the reduced timetable and then come back.

Ds does have a statement for 1:1 but mornings only.

Have spoken to his SENCO and we have decided to call an early review for his statement and either try to get him full time 1:1 or perhaps a move to a school more suitable for him at this time.

Also asked about what it means when he is sent home and it is not an exclusion, is not recorded etc, just means he is not managing that day so they are trying to be flexible and calm the situation down. I am more than happy with that.

ourryve Your ds sounds very similar to ds, he too loves computers and they can be used as an incentive which is very effective. Can you tell me more about inclusion services are they part of IPSEA?

I have to say though, the school are fab. I was feeling a bit low yesterday but when I think about how much they do to include him, he has his own area where there is not too much sensory overload, I think they really going above and beyond the call of duty.

I am very interested in the reduced timetable thing just for a short time to help him cope, I really think this could work for a while if he didn't feel he had quite so much to get to before the end of the day.

He has had an OT assessment and she made a few suggestions, some were implemented, some not but she was an outreach worker from the school I am hoping to get him in to and she really seemed to "get" ds and his issues before she even met him.

Thank you for all your posts. Really helpful and given me lots to think about.

Hi thesteelfairy,

Feel for you both.

I'd certainly be calling for an emergency early review as well.

Is any OT on his statement currently?.

IPSEA's website www.ipsea.org.uk is helpful and I would give them a call in your circumstances.

thesteelfairy - LDDIS seems to be part of our council's Learning Support Service. DS1 was referred with the help of the autism advisor.