Feeling sad

[heQet]

Been waiting to post this all evening! Am alone now so free to post!

today my sis and her family came round. My niece brought a friend. My niece and her friend went to the park at the end of the street.

They are a year older than my ds1 (autistic)

He came downstairs, asked where they were and I told him they'd gone to the park. He asked why he hadn't gone too and I said because you need a grown up with you.

He accepted it, but I feel so sad I could cry. Sometimes I HATE the total unfairness.

Why MY kids. Why BOTH of my kids?

My sons should be taking themselves off to the park. having mates call for them. (having mates!). going to the shop alone. They should have the life of other boys their age. Instead they've got THIS life and it's NOT BLOODY FAIR!!!

And I've had to hold this in until there's nobody over my shoulder while I post it!

Need some - sympathy - wise words - understanding - examples of how it's all going to be ok...

I agree, this site is great because you can say how you feel and real people understand and can relate to you.

Its so hard to put on a brave face all the time, and if you don't (and burst into tears in the playground like I did last week!)and then try to explain why it can sound really trivial to someone who isn't experiencing what you are.

We have the problem that DSD is 11 and doesn't get invited to parties often, whilst DD is in same class and does get invited!!! Its a hard one as at 10/11 years of age the children say themselves who they want to invite and DSD isn't popular so they don't pick her to go. We can't stop DD going because its not her fault DSD is the way she is and so DD doesn't deserve to miss out on parties but then its hard on dsd. Fortunately most invites are for weekends and she is at her Mums so we can get round the problem but we do get the moment when invitations arrive home and she doesn't have one.

I can relate to what you're saying it is so hard sometimes to not feel so sad and angry. I feel overwhelmed with envy sometimes... when I see a neighbours kid the same age ( almost 4 years ) racing down the road on her scooter, or when my nephew (SIL's youngest) who is the same age - can ask me for a drink or just talk to me about anything..

I have trouble holding it all in lately..

I cried so much in my counselling this week I almost puked! I think there are just really shit days and then there are some days that seem calmer or just more manageable..

I read a really poignant thing on here a few weeks ago in a discussion about.. 'When do you come to terms with your childs disability?' and the comment was that you don't really, but you come to terms with NOT coming to terms with it.

I think that has taken a bit of pressure off me having to feel like I should be getting used to this by now.. It is just as it is.. and however we feel that's perfectly valid.. It helps loads to communicate either on here or in RL with people who get it..in the same boat.. I find myself growing away from people who can't/ won't try to understand how tough our lives are.. Sorry for long rant..Feels better out than in though..!

I think there is too much pressure on parents of SN children to 'cope' and to be 'brave'. Coming to terms is just a jargon term from psychology and might not be realistic in relation to a child with SN - it is more like a wound that never heals but varies over time as to how you feel it. There are constant reminders of what NT peers are doing, I think 'coming to terms' in the sense of 'Oh I don't mind the disability a bit' would be a form of insanity as it would involve denying reality..

my son has never been invited to party's really hes also never been at mainstream school but this morning he asked to go to the star wars concert at Glasgow not to be horrible I explained it would be very loud and lots of people he just said OK I don't want to go then, its sad he's 15 its the first thing he's ever asked to go to and I wanted to take him.