autism - is your child sociable

[pokhara]

hi was just wondering if anyone who's dc has autism is sociable, gives eye contact, loves playing with children, paed told me that asd kids dont really like to make friends, dont jopin in group activities etc, tell me if i;m wrong, i think ds is very sociable, prob over sociable and extreme because he has been in nursery since 6 months old (is 4 this month) and is used to being with kids. Just someone i know, not too well said her asd son plays with kids all the time and has eye contact. i know these this are on triad of impairments but could the social thing be in ds case that he will only play on his terms and if other child tries to change game play for example ds will get nasty as wants it his way all the time.

It's a social communication disorder. So a child with Asperger's may be sociable and want to play with others but not know the unwritten rules of how to do so.

When you posted 'could the social thing be in ds case that he will only play on his terms and if other child tries to change game play for example ds will get nasty as wants it his way all the time.'

it sounded very familiar to me as a parent and as a teacher. Paed is probably not an ASD specialist and is half-remembering something she picked up on a day's training several years ago.

DS plays alone at nursery quite a fair bit. When the children are outside and play chase, running, climbing equipment, ds joins them and enjoys running around with them. For table activities or more complex games , DS does what they call 'parallel play' , ie: he will play near the others but will rarely try to initiate reciprocal interaction with a group of children, he is intersted in them though. He often observe what they are doing, and when teacher guide him into the play, he usually tries it for a bit.
In general i will say DS is sociable within a very small group of children, he does get stressed out when he doesn't understand the play, and he has trouble sharing. Which makes social interaction through play difficult with same age kids.

Dd1 (AS) is very sociable (maybe too sociable) but will also play on her own (when her friends get fed up with her).

DD2 (ASD) Likes to be around other people and children but doesn't really play with them. She can play a board game with another child, take it in turns with a little help from an adult.

My ds1 is highly sociable, does eye contact, pines without company. He wants to play with other children all the time but has to control the game and can get agressive or violent if they don't want to play by his rules. He doesn't understand the rules of social interaction and so makes inappropriate overtures to other kids -- in reception year managed to scare quite a lot of children by licking their faces affectionately. Sometimes I wish he was more aloof because I can't leave him alone with another child for two minutes before something goes horribly wrong. Apparently he's in the group of ASD children known as 'active but odd' which always makes me smile, for some reason.

DS2 (4) will play with other children, usually gets upset if they won't play with him, but he is the one who approaches them. If another child was to ask him to play, he usually wouldn't as doesn't "get" most of the games his peers play.

He also has ok eye contact, but I've noticed more now that if you ask him for a kiss or a cuddle, he doesn't do it as a NT chld would, he offers the top of his head for a kiss, where an NT child would kiss you back with lips, and he doesn't put his arms around you for a cuddle, unless it is him giving you a cuddle.

Both of my kids are sociable, but very much on their own terms and in pretty small doses. They also make eye contact, but not in the same way as other kids.

DS2 is another in the 'active but odd' group. As a smaller child (he's now nearly 13) he was oblivious to other children..didn't mind if they were there or not but certainly had no play skills.. just did his own thing ..wandered round and always liked adults (sat on strangers in parks..never differentiated between family and strangers)
Now he is sociable..on his own terms. He LOVES to talk monologue adults on his pet obsessions but has no idea of how a conversation works. Is friendly in his playground (special school so to be honest all of his class mates have pretty dodgy social skills!) but doesn't want anyone in his space at home.. just him and his obsessions
Has reasonable eye contact but NO idea of personal space..will stand an inch from you, which as he is 5 ft 9 can be a bit overwhelming!!

My DSD has to often be forced to have eye contact (especially if she is in trouble!! and knows it) and we have alot of "Look at me!".

She also struggles with other peoples personal space which can be unnerving at times.

She doesn't mostly like to be with other children unless its her 2 friends at school who also have ASD (although some days will happily play with others/siblings...for a short time)

and we have often noticed that she behaves how she sees others and thinks she should rather than naturally for eg. with grandparents she hugs them as she leaves like the other children do but its a very forced hug and held back with and not natural, same with us really. She is a child who doesn't seem to like cuddles etc.

DS likes playing with other children but he either copies what they are doing or follows them around.

Can be, but on his terms, and doesn't understand the rules. But he loves playing with kids, especially girls! He fdoes have eye contact on good days - we find after tea is the best time of day for interaction and eye contact, and he does say he loves us, which is great, so yes I'd say it is possible, but noticeably differnt to NT kids.

ds1 (severely autistic, 10) is very sociable with adults he knows well. His eye contact is great. He is wary of children. He loves company.

He doesn't have the tools to be sociable (non-verbal, very limited language) but he uses what he has to the best of his ability.

Pokhara I think you are right although I do not know why my son is so needing of social attention - it is his character I think.
Ds (10 with LD and ASD) has always sought social contact. Yes it is on his terms and lacks the give and take of social rules. He communicates well when in his interest - but can completely ignore others when engrossed or not interested. His ability to second guess other peoples needs/ thoughts or desires is very limited and he lacks the ability to learn social rules naturally. His eye contact is similar - can be uncomfortably piercing when he wishes to communicate - or is wary of a new face, or poor if he is not engaged or wishing to 'not hear'.

MacForme- sounds so much like my "active but odd" Aspie. He is now 15 and can manage a conversation (much social skills work in his MS school) but when stressed he returns to the monologue. When he gets bored with a conversation he will just walk off. He wants to be friends with his own age group but most of them find a little of him goes a long way, so he tends to get on better with adults who are more tolerant.