I think i have changed my mind about dd2 starting MS school in September, what should i do?

[Marne]

I'm really confussed re what to do with dd2 in September.

We have got her a place at our village school (which her sister goes to), i thought this was the right choice for dd2 and we were advised that she was too bright for sn school.

In the past few weeks dd2 has gone backwards with a few things, i can no longer take her out without the Mac Major as she refuses to walk and covers her eyes or pulls her hat over her face. When i pick dd1 up from school dd2 curls up in the buggy, hands over eyes and refuses to move , a few months ago she would run around the playground and play. I keep getting comments and looks from other parents which really upsets me and yesterday another child laughed and said 'look at that funny baby' .

Its got me thinking about how dd2 will be treated at this school, the school has no expereence of ASD (other than dd1 who has mild AS), in the past 6 months 2 children (with behaviour problems)have been pushed out of the school (mainly by other parents), they have no ides about PEC's, signing or scheduals, i worry about dd2's safety as gates are often left open.

We are in the process of getting a statement. I feel like i have 3 options.

a) we send dd2 to the SN school, luckily we know the dep head and he could possibly help us get dd a place?

b) We move both dd's to a better MS school with more expereance of ASD's, which could mean moving to another area?

c) I home educate her for a year and then see how she is in a years time (maybe start her at ms next year)?

Have i left it too late to start changing my mind?

I really don't know what to do for the best, i feel this ms school is not good enough for dd2.

Hi Marne. You've kind of answered your question haven't you. The school is obviously not going to work for DD2 or you at the moment.

As to what the right alternative is, they all sound viable. You need to think through them all some more with details.

Good luck. Lucky DD2 to have such a good mum.

sorry it's been a stressful time for you recently with DD2. First port of call - call the head of the SN school l you referred to in point a, and think things through.

Its never too late to change your mind ime. Do you have contact with an Educational Psychologist? That would be my first port of call, if not ask to speak to one via SEN case officer. I'm not sure which course you should take but don't put her in a school to "prove" its not right.

Marne, it might be some phase that DD2 going through atm, but she might grow out of it by the time school starts and be happy again. If she is not ready, may be you can home educate her for a year and then decided if she is ready for MS or SN. I only say this because DS's private psychiatrist says, SN school has no expectations from the kids, so they are not pushed to achieve their full potential. How old is DD2 again? I think she is younger than my DS, isn't she? My DS is 4.7 and we are taking him out to home educate for a year as MS school is not meeting his needs at the moment (his one to one is very inexperienced and his teacher has no idea of how to deal with an autistic child) and the professionals involved with him (they are all private) say he should not be going to a SN school.

She's 4 (well in 2 weeks time).

I have spent the morning crying to DH as i feel like i'm doing all this alone (he says its my decision ). At the moment i feel so stressed and upset that i am worried i will make the wrong choice for her.

She has the rite to an education in a MS school but i worry that it will be too much for her. I would really like to concentrate on teaching her life skills (to dress, wash and look after herself) rather then stressing about reading, writing and maths (which she is capable of doing but what's the point in being able to do these things but not being able to look after yourself?). At the SN school she will have the chance to learn all these things and will still be able to do maths etc..

I'm also worried that dd2 being at ms could effect dd1, what if she gets picked on because her sister has ASD? Dd1 is doing well at school and although she has AS its not severe enough for the others to notice (yet).

I'm also having concerns about the school as they are not doing what they said they would with dd1. I have a strong feeling dd1 has dyspraxia, she falls over, can't run and can't open doors but the school say there's nothing wrong with her, she has been offered 'movement classes' at school to help build up her muscles ,this was 2 months ago and she's only had one session for 10 minutes . Because the school thinks she's fine the school nurse won't refer her to a pead.

At the moment i feel like taking both the girls, putting them in the car and driving miles away from here, i have had enough of pushing for everything, i just want the help and support they deserve. I just wish i had the brains to teach them at home but sadly i havn't .

Dh is going to phone the ed phyc next week (his way of showing that he's helping me) to arrange another meeting to see where we go from here and we will also be phoning the SN school.

I think i have been really selfish in thinking she will be ok in MS when she clearly won't be, i think i wanted her to go there because it will be easier for me to cope with (when actually it will be more stressful for all of us). At least at the SN school she will not be singled out, people won't stare at us or avoid us (like they do now).

Marne, if you are even considering SN school, start making noises now TODAY.

The reason I say this is that the woman who was meant to refer DD1 for statementing admitted to me that if I had waited as long as they wanted to in deciding MS/SN, the SN school would have been full!

I struggled with the decision, too, but in the end I thought "what good is intelligence if you can't function?"

Just had a look on the web site for the SN school, it says i need a referal from pead, portage or ed phyc. I think the ed phyc is against sending her there so i might have to go through her pead or portage. I will try and get hold of someone today and get the ball rolling. I'm still not 100% sure i am doing the rite thing , i'm thinking, there will be no harm in putting her into SN for a year and see how it goes, i can always take her out and try MS after the first year.

She has progressed so much in the past 6 months, her speech is now really good but her communication skills still need to be worked on, she still blanks people, doesn't answer questions (apart from 'what do you want?'), she does not play with other children (apart from dd1) but will play alongside and she does not understand rules such as 'keep off'. She's also still in nappies which worry's me, i know the school will have to change her but i really don't want another reason for her to be singled out.

I just need to keep telling myself 'SN school is the right place for her (for now)'.

Marne sorry your having a wobblytime its important to remember young children with autism dont have linear development, on one hand they can regress and just when you dont expect it they make loads of progress. It could very well be that its just a small step back, looking at my dd who has autism and is non verbal this is certainly the case. I don't agree that SN schools dont have high expectations of their pupils my dd started at SN school when she was 4, she is now 6 and is a totally different child largely thanks to excellent teaching and support staff who most defineatley have high expectations of her and push her to be the best she can, she surprises me every day with things that she learns, I think if you get a good SN school (and there are some lousy one out there) they tend to look at the whole child rather than just educating them Iyswim, I agree with Lou what good will G.C.S.E,s be if my child cant cope with her autism , I rather she be functional and happy with people who care about her. Perhaps you could approach the SN school and ask if you could take your dd in for a visit, I was able to do this and my dd had a couple of "play dates" in reception class to be observed by the staff who then let me know wheather it would be appropriate for her to go there, Hope this has been a bit of help from the non ms side of things.

Thanks Rosie - We did the 'early birds course' at the SN school and dd attended the nursery there when we were on the course. If she goes to the sn school she will stay in the nursery class until she's 5 and will only go for 3-4 days a week (they don't attend full time until they are 5-6 years old) which will suit dd.

When i took dd1 to school this morning dd2 decided she wanted to play in the playground (just to prove what i said this morning wrong).

She's still moving ahead with speech but seems to be going backwards with the sensory side of things. She seems to be enjoying MS nursery but not SN nursery and seems to have more sensory problems whilst at SN nursery, she seems to get upset with change at SN nursery but handled a big change in routine today at MS nursery.

I wish i could understand her more .

I feel even more confused now , just had a letter from the MS school saying that only 3 children are starting the school in september (which includes dd2) so they are going to put class 1 and 2 together (which is year 1,2 and3), for 24 pupils there will be 1 teacher and 2 TA's. Basicly both dd's would be in the same class. Surely having 3 years in one class is not going to work, Dd1 is working at the level of a 8 year old (she's6) and would be in the same class as reception children who will be mainly playing.

I'm now tempted to take them both out .

That sounds terrible, will dd2 have a statement?

Hopefully dd2 will have her statement by september, dd1 has not got a statement. Just had my friend on the phone (dd1 is in the same class as her dd) and she's also angry about mixing 3 years into one class, i can see there is going to be trouble come monday .

Good luck ,hope it all works out

Marne I think that vertical teaching is quite common in Scotland, where they tend to have very small schools in some areas (total pupil number 17, for example!). The teachers teach the material for one year group, whilst the other group does independent work, etc.

It can be very beneficial, but I'm not sure if it would work for a child who needs high levels of consistency throughout the week.

My Autistic DS would never have coped in mainstream without a full time LSA. Having that has made me a feel a lot better about any potential bullying, as he is literally never alone (they are with him even at playtime). Is that an option here? Sorry, writing this in a rush and haven't read whole thread.

Marne can you do plan A then plan B then plan c ???

So lets say the school is not very good with Sns so ask to move both girls to school that is....(get LEEA to pay for transport as current school cant meet either of their needs). So you dont have to move.

If you dont get any joy start asking for SNs school for dd2.

If school is going to put 3 years into one class cant see this being good for dd1 either as she will be expected to get on with it on her own...you know esp as they are so crowded DOH!

Can you do a shared placement between SN and MS? or Home ed and MS?

Sickof- the plan was to get full 1:1 support for MS but the school were not keen on this idea due to funding problems (they were not very helpful when i went to discuss it with them) so i applied for a statement in hope it would state 'full 1:1 support', as we applied late we might not get the statement in time for September and dd2 may not get the support.

We are looking to move house anyway so it might be that we have to plan it around moving schools (so take dd1 out). We are to move to a larger village which has a looking large primary and a couple smaller primary's near by. Im worried about putting them into a large primary as dd1 is used to the small class sizes. There is also a primary school in the next village which my step daughter goes too which is small and friendly (plus dd1 could be with her half sister for a while).

So i'm thinking, we move to the larger village (which is closer to my family/friends), we put dd1 into the school with her half sister and send dd2 to the SN school (which is also very near by). Now i just need to convince DH and get dd2 a place at the SN school.

Grummpy- a split placement could be an option, dd2 would start SN for just 3 days a week so we could always try MS for 2 days a week.