Can't handle DS when he starts kicking off...

[genieinabottle]

I really need to vent about this...sorry.
Any tips are welcome.
DS (asd) is 4, very tall for his age, skinny but strong like an ox.
I'm barely 5ft1. So when he goes into uncooperative mode and i'm alone with him i simply cannot get the upper hand.

Basically he is extremely challenging with baths, eating, nail cutting and the dreaded 'getting dressed and undressed'.
Most days it takes me more than 10 mins to get him out of his pjs and another 10 mins to wrestle him into jeans and top. It's exausting!
He usually is worse in the evening because of tiredness so he goes into stiming sensory overdrive mode and no one can get through to him.

He will repeatedly head-butt or slap me and DH in the belly, shoulder, anywhere he can... he runs off and hides under the table or his bed or he will go into our room and hide under our duvet and hold on for dear life...he will flop completely on the floor then tense himself when we try to put his clothes on...or if we try to get him standing he goes like a dead weight in our grasp and lift his legs off the floor...all the while making lots of silly noises. He is like this every day each and every time we have to get him to change clothes.

I'm sick of it, he always has been difficult but for the past 6 months or so he has got worse with fighting us back.
We have tried reward stickers, doing a race with his sister (that worked for about a week), showing him his Pecs for getting dressed, giving him plenty of warning, the naughty step.... nothing works consistantly. We have a little success on the odd day but that's it he off again the next day.

I know it may not seem like an enormous problem, but i'm cracking up at the seams and i struggle physically to make him do what i want and he knows it!! (he is challenging with DH too but DH is 6ft4 and has the strengh to handle him)

don't know what to try anymore...

I really hope someone gives you some ideas, its difficult, i know. Come on mums genie needs your help

Hi, my son is exactly the same. All I can tell you is other things we have tried as he still battles.
Ignore him..if he tries to engage you in anything...say well put your clothes on, leave it at that.
Any fights, tantrums walk away.
Turn off TV.
Take away toys.
Deep pressure.
Do it in the dark.
Tell him not ask him.
Give choice....which foot first etc.
You do have to cahnge the boundaries all the time with my ds and what works one day may not the next. I too am only 5ft and my son is extremely strong, 9yo although he is down syndrome also. He has severe challenging behaviour in a quite a few different areas. I haven't been able to fight back or pick him up and handle him for a few year now but we have done the whole one sitting on him while the other tries to dress him.
Dirty nappies are worse than clean ones. He's still not brushing his teeth etc. Each dressing time is as bad as the next and more often than not he goes to bed with what he wore that day.
I also have homecare to help get him dressed. So two adults, 2 brains better than 1, able to keep on the ball more, think out of the box, distraction etc. HTH. If I think of anything else I will let you know or if you want to ask anything else let me know.

Time, as long as it takes, is another. I have seen us offer the local sea life to get him his clothes on, early am and not seen him dress until 4pm. That's us trying all different strategies in between.

Everything that deviantenigma said.

The most important thing is, whatever tack you're having to take, this week/today/for the next half hour, keep the level of stimulation low.
Keep language to a minimum. No pleading or grumbling, because it's just noise and is adding to the sensory overload. Definitely try not to communicate your frustration, because it's likely that he'll feed off that, too.
Keep instructions very short. If he would rather watch telly, tell him "you can watch telly when you are dressed". Otherwise, say nothing.
I don't know what your DS is like, but mine actually makes really good eye contact when he's openly challenging me. Stand behind or beside him, if this is your case. My DS's behaviour in this regard began to make a lot more sense to me when an autistic adult I know mentioned that she finds eye contact not just uncomfortable, but to be actually threatening.

Thanks for replies.
I think it is true he does feeds off my frustration, and the more i call him and ...shout at him the more he makes noises and gets hyper. Arghhh!!!
Devientenigma, there are been a few times lately where he has been left in his pjs til late and the other night i nearly gave up, he was so close of going to bed with his clothes.

Ouryve, yes sometimes DS does make very good eye contact when he is challenging almost to dare us to get him. But when we raise our voices , he starts grunting and won't look at us anymore.
I will try ignoring him and not saying anything to him. That may work for a while...

I have been wondering whether to get some melatonin from the paed to see if it will calm him enough for us to get him changed in the evening without a battle. But i feel bad about this idea as DS doesn't cause too much trouble now to go to sleep.
What do you think?
Thanks.

I must add, we have got to find something that will help...a little at least, as my 2 y old DD who is now in full imitation/copying mode is starting to act like DS when it comes to geting dressed... And DS is no ideal role model iyswim!!