ASD son hates girls

[debs40]

Ok, this is a bit of a weird one. My son, who has not yet been formally diagnosed but who is considered to have ASD, really dislikes girls - I mean really dislikes them.

He is just turned 7. He was moved on to a table with girls at the beginning of the year and I warned the teachers that he really doesn't like girls but they got a bit prissy as if I was demanding he be moved - I wasn't, I just wanted them to understand he might have concerns and that these might rise to the surface.

I think he finds girls difficult to 'read'. He is similarly difficult with his younger brother who has long hair (and therefore should be a girl according to DS).

I understand from his TA that last week he was taken out of class by his teacher who said 'I don't know what to do with him'. He had apparently made some comment about girls. The TA wasn't told what it was.

She is fab and did some pictures showing how she looked as a girl and explained how all women used to be girls and how some girls even like Star wars etc.

Today, DS told me what happened.

He told me he had said 'I want to shoot all the girls'. A boy told the teacher. She shouted at him that he was never to day this and then took him out the class without explanation and left him with the TA.

DS had made a similar remark in the week which the same boy reported to the teacher. He said he wanted to 'shoot Mrs X' because she had given him work he couldn't understand. She told me she had overheard it herself and that all the children were very upset by it. This appears not to be true - the boy reported it and he was told off. She made a point of raising this with me.

Now, I know that these comments are not nice but I think they are clearly the result of some anxiety/frustration as DS is a very passive child who never causes any problems for anyone. This has in fact been the problem up to now as teachers have not seen him as having needs as he causes them no problems.

The teachers have a communication book and we are on the Early Bird Plus course where these issues are supposed to be raised so they can be addressed. So, I am annoyed that if this is an issue they are concerned about or don't know what to do about, they should raise it with me directly.

To date I have had nothing but grief from school who have no idea about what to do with DS. I am getting so frustrated. I had to re-write their IEP targets last week and they just express no interest in him.

i imagine that girls of this age must be very socially challenging for your ds, and he probably feels very out of his depth with them? are there people in the class he feels more confident with? i wonder if the teachers would be willing to seat him with people he finds less threatening? it would be difficult for him to feel comfortable in this environment if he can't understand all the social nuances that girls of this age are developing.

it sounds as though the teachers need some training or outreach support in meeting your ds's needs. are there any specialist services they can bid for even without a dx which would allow someone to come into the school and explain what your ds's needs are and how best to meet them? sorry, you've probably been through all this before on another thread.

Thanks for your post, I think you are right. The ASD outreach team is coming in to school after much argument and persuasion by me. The teachers have shown absolutely no willingness to accomodate my son in any way unless told to by external agencies or their SENCO. They don't understand this at all.

Of course, the outreach team then relies on the school to tell them what the problem is.

Oh, I know, we need to move school. It's all so continually distressing.

so sorry to hear this. would it be possible to call a meeting involving the outreach team once they'd had time to assess your ds? then you could have some input into what is agreed with the class teacher.

i had an inkling that in other posts you'd felt this might not be the right school. it's such a huge step, i can understand why you are reluctant. fingers crossed that the outreach team have some impact. sorry i'm not any more help!

DS has an issue with girls too, he refuses to work if he's been put into a group with a majority of females. I think it's understandable as girls do tend to be a mystery to even NT boys, let alone those with ASD! Imo the school should make some reasonable adjustments to allow for this, eg in DS's class they don't make him sit next to girls as they know it will be a trigger. Social stories may help too?

Thanks, they mentioned social stories on the Early Bird Plus course and I have put a note in his home/school book suggesting that I raise this at the course next week and that we work on it together.

RaggedRobin, it is really hard as I know things will probably just get worse here as DS moves into the junior part of the primary school - there's 34 in a class and expectations are much higher.

I dream of Home Ed'ing, at least just for a bit, to take the strain of all of us as a family. But I have moved him once before and I'm not sure if I'm putting my own feelings first. Would another school be better?

The Head of the ASD diagnostic team is assessing DS at school next week and I'm speaking to the Head after that, so I think that will decide where we go.

Thnaks so much for your posts x