Unsupportive school – what should I do?

[DeepThoughts]

Sorry this is quite a long post.
My DS is 6 and he is now in his third year at his primary school. He is undergoing a asd diagnosis (we have verbal but awaiting written diagnosis). He also suffers from dyspraxia as well which causes minor balance/coordination problems amongst other things. He suffers mainly from sensory problems, low self esteem and awareness, withdrawn, communication problems, balance/coordination and most of all extreme anxiety.
The school are aware of my ds?s condition and he is on action plus with the communication support. They decide on certain structures to help him with his communication skills. My ds does not have a statement and his schools headteacher has said that he ?would not? get one as he is academically fine. The child psychiatrist who is is diagnosing my son has been to see him at school and she said that she thinks he should have a statement as he looks lost amongst the other children.
The teachers say that my child should learn to be more independent (not assist him with dressing etc...) and that we should make him more aware of his speech mispronunciations by correcting him each time he says something slightly wrong. They also want to expose him to more ?loud noises? (school discos etc..) even though this is causing him great distress, as they think that he will gradually get used to it.
When we talk to his teacher I actually feel like they are insinuating that we do everything wrong and that we are protecting him too much. It feels like they want him to CHANGE so that he can fit in with the other children.
There has been one supportive teacher in his school and she said that she felt he should have a statement to help with his severe anxieties.
There has just been an incident occur today when my child went swimming. He told us that he was crying in the changing room because he knew that if you stay under water too long you would die. He said that he was so wet after swimming that he thought he was going to die. So he was just crying in the changing room. When the headteacher approached him she asked what was wrong and he said he could not dry himself, she told him firmly that ?of course he can dry himself he has done it the week before?. He said that everybody was laughing at him.
When I unpacked his swimming bag I found his vest in the bottom dripping wet.
Me and DP went to the school to explain that he was obviously having difficulties getting changed. The headteacher explained what had happened and she was mimicking him when she showed us how he was acting. This was making me angry. When I told her what he was worrying about she actually laughed, and my DP said it was not a laughing matter. She was very unsupportive and said that my DS has to learn to do more for himself to gain better independence.
I said that I felt that he needed support for his personal care, and asked again about a statement, she says that we wouldn?t get one she could almost guarantee it. She then went on to disclose details about another pupil in the school that has just been awarded a statement, she told us his name, exact diagnosis?s and also what she had to do to get the statement in place. I felt very uncomfortable that she was talking about another pupil?s special needs as surely this would be confidential.
I have heard in the past that the head of the school had no time for special needs, but I thought it was just a harsh comment.

Does this sound acceptable from the headteacher? I feel that there is no compassion at all.

Also do I have any rights before/after receiving a diagnosis?

Deepthought, i would urgently ask you to contact your LEA asking for a statutory assessment leading to a statement. It is not upto the school to decide whether a child needs a statement or not - as a parent it is your right to ask for the statement. I would suggest speak to LEA and get the ball rolling. At the same time start looking at other schools - clearly the current school is not meeting his needs and their attitude is very unsupportive. Where are you located? Contact IPSEA or SOSSEN for more guidance. Don't give up by the attitude of the school - you owe it to your child to fight for what he needs. Hope you find it useful.

oh my god, what is it with head teachers today, im so angry that she treated your son like that and this is one reason why i am so frightened of my son going to school in sep without a statement, i worry that he will get laughed and picked on because he doesnt understand and speak. move school definately, i think the school is gonna make your son ill, and his self esteem will drop. if it were m,y son he would not be going back tommorow becaus i would be frightened what else has been happening xx

Yes that is a terrible breach of confidentiality. Imagine how you would feel if it was your child she was talking about to another parent. If it was my child I would want you to find me in the playground and tell me my child's details were being discussed like this.

You can apply for a statement yourself. Getting a statement has far more to do with the tenacity of the parent than the child's needs. I viewed an ASD school where I was told the children were pretty severe and generally had to have failed in several other schools first - except for those whose parents were doctors and lawyers and therefore knew how to get through the system!

Teachers know nothing about who gets statements and who doesn't. Often the LA aren't consistent anyway - children with similar needs can get offered different provision depending on what their parents want and how hard they are fighting for it.

Has the psych done a report? You can apply for an assessment before a diagnosis but would have a much better chance if you had some professional report to back it up. Look at IPSEA website including the refusal to assess pack - if you see why requests get turned down it helps you write the request in the first place IFSWIM. Expect it to be turned down - most LA's do turn down requests first time to see if you give up.

However if you are going down the statement route don't expect that to be a magic wand - it might just get you more hours of the same crap provision. Better to find a school where you are confident they do "get" it and will work to help your child. Schools with this type of attitude won't change just because you get a statement.

In our area schools are expected to put in 20 hours 1:1 outside of a statement so I would be asking for dedicated 1:1 esp for swimming etc. I'd put in writing what psych has said and ask for 1:1 to be allocated up to maximum outside of a statement and say you will be making statement request yourself. But I would definitely look around at other schools - m/s; SN; ASD; state and private; in area and out of area; you may find something much better.

Poor DS and poor you having to face that! It sounds like the Head has decided that she can't be bothered to help and will be rubbish at providing the school bit when applying for a statement. FWIW my DS is a very high academic acheiver but has a statement of 19 hours 1 to 1 per week to cover his emotional, behavioural needs. But this is after 6 years of trying to get something done. I agree with justcoping that you should apply for the statutory assessment but also start looking at other schools. This school sounds totally wrong for your DS's needs - I had to move DS twice before I found the right school, and now he is flourishing with the right approach and the right support. Don't worry about moving him, he will cope if the school is 'right' for him!

Thank you so much for the advice. It is nice to hear that i'm not just being over-protective. My ds did his Ados assessment a few weeks ago and the child psychiatrist who is diagnosing says that he will get an asd diagnosis no matter what the outcome as she has seen his withdrawn behaviour in the school.

she is planning a meeting with his OT so that they can work out some future support plan.
I might phone her tomorrow to explain the situation as she also seemed quite surprised at the schools lack of support.
His teacher asked her if I was telling the truth about noise causing him physical pain.

I am going to browse the IPSEA site now it looks very helpful. I will also look into contacting the LEA.

I will start writing things down as I feel I will need it.

Unfortunately I live in a small village and this is nearest school. there are more a couple of miles away though.

I keep entertaining the idea of home schooling, but the ironic thing is that he is learning so well.
It's nice to think that is always an option.

I had thought of letting the parents of the other child know that she was disclosing details, but I Just feel that would be wrong.

They are nice people and It is very obvious that their son has many more problems. I felt more that the teacher was making a point that they had to fight for him, when his needs are greater.

It was strange because she stated that this other child cannot even recognise facial expressions.

Seems like she has no idea about autism then.

She went on to say that children should be able to dress themselves In reception class and how she had had children much worse in the past who managed. To be honest she was horrible, and this is who has care over my child!

FlyingDuchess -from her attitude I imagine that she would!

We also went on to discuss the threatening Letters that she sent regarding my sons poor attendance (he missed 2 weeks since September and a few days for medical appointments) i think his attendance is 87%, she said we should bring him to school when he is unwell and that she would keep him in at playtime. we said that was contradicting as we received letters regarding Swine flu and keeping your child home to avoid spreading. she said there was no cases of swine flue ever reported.

It was a blatant lie as one of DS's two weeks was Swine flu which, i personally phoned them and reported after he was rushed to hospital in an ambulance.

OMG! This is ringing so many alarm bells with me. If she is prepared to lie about what you have said the what else will she lie about/bend the truth/hide? We had this with a witch Head with DS who ended up permanently excluding him when his anxiety became so bad he was lashing out at staff. And then she had the cheek to lie at the appeal meetings we had. DS has very low self esteem and this sent him into a prolonged period of depression which we are only now emerging from 18 months later after much heartache and weekly sessions with CAMHS. Don't want to panic you but PLEASE think seriously about moving him to somewhere more supportive of him and you.

As for getting dressed by themselves in Reception PAH! I have been a TA in a reception class and had to help perfectly capable children dress/change for PE never mind the ones who find it trickier, and up until DS was in Y4 I regularly had to go in and dress him after PE (at the end of the day) as he just couldn't manage it.

That sounds awful WedgiesMum how old is your DS now? is he happy in school now?

Honestly the more i think about it the more i feel crazy for even taking him there. I am trying to weight up my options.

Sort of, he tells me some parts of school but its mainly the minor details, missing out the major ones if that makes sense.

We have to piece together what he says then I phone another mother to find out from her son.

We always ask if he had any tears at school, he well tell us when and why. Normally he cries 2-3 times a day. It is so heartbreaking!

He also has a very poor short term memory ( although this could also be because he is withdrawing) he forgets most things that have happened and is only able to recall certain parts of his day.

In the evening he often asks "did i go to school today?"

This could also be his poor time concept?