Teacher causing me stress

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My 5 year old ds is in Yr 1 at school. He has a number of difficulties, mainly sensory issues and is now struggling in the classroom environment. He fidgets constantly, struggles to sit upright at carpet time and is generally disruptive at times when he is not actively involved in tasks. He has recently been assessed by OT and we now have an action plan that should be followed at home and school. OT suggested DCD but has referred back to paediatrician to rule out ADD / ADHD. SENCO lead teacher and I have also agreed actions to manage behaviour. My ds' classroom teacher is however causing me real upset. Not a day goes by when she doesn't find it necessary to give me some negative feedback on ds' day. It's always information about problems that we are all very well aware of and which I cannot resolve. It's just so depressing. She obviously sees no positives in my ds at all. Today was the final straw - she complained to me about having to manage my ds' behaviour at the same time as dealing with 2 other boys in class that have SN!! I have asked SENCO to call me to arrange an appointment. I'd really appreciate any advice that anyone can give me to resolve this relationship with the teacher. I can't take another 5 months of this.

i think that every time she makes a negative comment like this, you could ask her, "what strategies have you tried to overcome this problem?" or "who do you think could support you in dealing with this problem?" it is really the teacher's job to find ways to make the situation more manageable, and if she needs in-class support to do that then it is her responsibility to bid for support. i say that as both a teacher and a parent of a similar ds.

I had this with my son in his first year at a different school. The teacher was always mentioning a nitpicking list of rubbish e.g. he said he was going to poke someone or he hit someone in the playground when they hit him or he didn't sit still on the carpet.

I didn't know anything about my son's issues then - he's now awaiting diagnosis for ASD and also has DCD - but looking back these were all clearly part of the problems he was encountering with starting school.

I think you would do well to get SENCO involved and get clear strategies in place to deal with any problem areas. You cannot deal with them while he is in school and you are at home, school have to address them and manage them. Your role is to reinforce and work together with school but you need him to work in a positive and not negative environment with clear guidelines and strategies for reinforcing and encouraging good behaviour and not just criticising any bad behaviour.

Does he have an IEP and is he on SA or SA+?

Hi. I would make an appoint. with the Head and voice your concerns to her. Ultimately, she is responsible for how her teachers teach and manage the pupils and classroom.
From what you say, it feels, that perhaps your ds teacher is not passing on her concerns to the Head.
You must be very direct with the Head and teacher that if the teacher has to manage 2 dc with SN that is not your concern-it is for the Head to request extra classroom support for these dc AND your ds if he needs it.
Your concern is YOUR ds and what is happening to him on a daily basis in the classroom-what strategies is the teacher employing? What does she see as the main difficulties-and strenghts of your ds.
Make sure she is aware of the strategies you and the OT have put in place. Ask that the Head requests a report from the OT.
Ask that the Educ. Psych. gets involved and that your ds is given an IEP.
Your ds is only 5-at the start of his school years, and you dont want it to become a negative place for him.
Always, always be proactive for your ds and dont be fobbed off. You are the champion for your ds. Good Luck.

I think I'd be tempted to ask her directly to identify two or three positive things that your son has done each day before she gets in any negative comments.... as a teacher I always try to report the positive to the parents as a) the negative stuff is rarely something new b) it's important for children to hear positive things being said about them by the adults in their lives c) it helps me to remember to look for the positive (even if the positive thing may be quie hard to find some days).

When I used to work quite closely with an EBD school we used contact books for positive comments and e-mail/phone calls for the less positive feedback so that the child could see that the teachers had noticed something good about him/her every single day.

If you get the chance in the morning say you're trying a new reward system with him and home and would she please be on the look out for 2 or three examples of positive behaviour each day to share with you at the end of the day. A contact book might be a good idea... grumpy teachers often can't be bothered to fill them in so that might get rid of constant negative comments!

Thanks for all the advice. The OT has provided a list of things that my ds needs in school - slope for writing, sit/fit cushion, fiddle toy and plenty of opportunity to move and do heavy work. The school has provided cushion and fiddle toy but his class teacher is very negative about these items - if they don't work immediately she wants to give up on the idea. I managed to speak to SENCO / Deputy Head briefly this morning and feel much better now that I've expressed my concerns. She knows my ds well, having taught him previously, and she seemed somewhat shocked that class teacher is finding him so difficult to manage. I have a proper meeting scheduled with SENCO the week after next. In the meantime, think I might try the suggestion to request positive comments as part of a reward system. Bigpants1 - my main concern is that my ds doesn't get turned off from school at such an early stage in his education. Academically, he's quite bright and he runs into school happily but negative feelings are becoming more obvious in his relationship to school.

This all sounds so familiar to me. My son is AS and he has similar problems. Some teachers found him wonderful but difficult. One teacher hated him and nitpicked every day about trivial rubbish. Despite OT advising the school on disco sits (wobble cushions) weighted lap pads and fiddle toys the teacher would have none of it and the school refused to let my son have them.

In her class it was sit down, shut up, and get on with it or else be sent to the Head for punishment. He was 5 years old. He got sent for punishment every day, which basically meant he wasn't allowed playtime and had to sit on the Heads office floor without moving or speaking whilst all the other kids were playing outside. And they wonder why even now he hates school.

We still have problems with the school as the Head is a total F**kwit.

I have all the sympathy in the world with you.

I hope it gets better.

I'd also choose to use the broken record technique of replying to every incident that was not really wirth a mention with 'and what did you do to manage it?' until she3 gets the message

But some teachers are crap with additional mneeds, and whilst in some that manifests as anti inclusion behaviours, others focus on the kids who aren't quite nt but neither at statement level and if thats the case Head should be addressing as a performance issue

OT seems a difficult one for teachers as they seem to feel undermined by suggestions which they feel impinge on their teaching strategies. They take it all very personally - some anyway.

I am having the same experience with my son's teachers so my OT has taken to trying everything several times with him before making suggestions as sometimes these things just don't work. For example, the Move 'n' sit cushion did nothing for DS.

It is a process of educating the teachers to why a child needs these things and convincing them that they will make life easier not harder for everyone. I just wish teachers would be more open and say 'I don't understand, why does this child need this, what is it for, will it take me extra time ... etc' before rejecting ideas out of hand.

My son has been similarly detached from school but has been much more engaged since intervention strategies (e.g. 10 mins to talk to the class TA a day about topics he's interested in - how we had to fight for that!!) and the proof of the pudding is in the eating!

Likewise one of my son's teachers last year was the deputy head/SENco and he has really struggled to understand why we are making such a fuss this year as he dealt with him really well. Trouble is that this year's teachers are actually a bit poo!

I have had this problem from a sn teacher!! She would ring me up to tell me that he had been naughty and could i tell him off over the phone!!! She was on the phone constantly, got on my nerves. She clearly didnt like him and had no time for him, subsequently he picked up on this and would just wind her up cos he got a reaction. Always writing negative comments and saying how awful he was, made me feel about 2" tall. she was a right cow. In the end got fed up and just went straight to the head and complained, and it turns out other parents had complained about her too. Luckily she left the school the following year so was relieved. Its really tricky beacuse you dont want to get her in trouble in case she takes it out on your child, but on the other hand thats no way to teach