People your child doesn't know in the house

[MiladyDeWinter]

OMG OMG OMG just had a visit from the HV who deals with children with additional needs and DS screamed the whole time. Nothing would console him, proper meltdown and stupid me I kept wondering why until she suggested that her being there in his home was bothering him.

It honestly didn't occur to me as we rarely have visitors, last one was the usual HV in early December and he was fine. Dismissive, as he can be, but fine.

DS is 2.9, ASD. Does anyone else have children who react this way? Can it come on suddenly like this and can it improve?

(Was a really useful visit also, lovely lady who said that it was good to see him at his worst and what I have to cope with. She is going to refer him for all sorts of help )

ds2 used to say "go home" to everyone that came in to the house.
NOw he just goes in to another room & doesn't venture out until they've gone, it doesn't matter if he knows them or not, thye just shouldn't be here.
Did you & he know she was coming, would he better if you gave him advance notice.

at "go home", wish I could say that to people sometimes!

DS doesn't really understand things happening in the near future atm but when he is older I will definitely give him advance notice of things and that will help a lot. One of the things discussed were visual timetables.

He calmed right down when we trawled through the house with me saying "nice lady gone" repeatedly.

we conquered this during the threes. DS2 is a visual learner.

photos on wall well in advance to teach the name. photos of both familiar people and visitor up there.

when familiar people are coming home eg daddy, point to photo shortly before hand and say "daddy's coming".

if grandma or other welcome visitor comes, say that grandma's coming, point to photo, explain that grandma's a visitor.

then when visitor is coming, do visual timetable with photo of visitor on it.

We only really sorted it once he understood not only that such and such was coming, but also the concept of "visitor" ie someone who comes but goes away again.

The HV asked if DS was visual but I didn't know

I only know that he has sensory overload wrt sounds and that he hates messy play.

He like numbers though and knows that when he sees the symbol "2" it means you say "two".

Whenever I mention PECS to people (SALT / Paed / HV) I sense gates slamming. It's all about the timetables. Is that significant do you think?

Ds1 has - but usually he doesn't object to them being there as such - he just wanted to watch them drive off.

We used visual timers and I paid someone to sit there are not leave however many tines she had her bag passed to her etc.

It was a phase that soon passed thank god.

Yes When my DS was that age he would scream when strangers came or hide his face totally curled up into a ball on the floor with people he seldom saw. I remember my midwife was one of them!! Now he is 4, it's better , he still hides or won't look at them and does grunting noises to accompany instead of screams!! ...much better!

What sort of things do they say when you mention PECS? Visual timetables can be useful but have to be used carefully to solve a specific problem. The idea that a visitor is coming might be too abstract for any 2.9 year old let alone an ASD one. I would not bring in a timetable just for the sake of it. You might find simple language like 'new lady coming today' repeated over and over works better for now ? DS1 has his moments of shouting 'Bye Bye See you soon' at visitors but it's manageable with simple explanations.

It's just that the HV, Paed and the SALT have all dismissed the idea of PECS when I've mentioned it and concentrated on the VT instead. I sort of got the idea from this board that PECS might be the way forward and I'm happy to spend money and time and effort but nobody has encouraged it.

Paed scoffed at ABA too but we'll see about that when I have more time to look into it

I agree that discussing future arrangements is a complex idea for any 2.9 year old but it couldn't hurt to try preparing him I suppose. I do a bit anyway: "Granddad come, he go beep beep" for instance.

Oh, I am so very whatever the opposite oh insightful is. DS also didn't see the HV come in the house as he was asleep on the sofa when she arrived. Do you think he might have seen her sitting there and thought she was a permanent addition to the household or something like that? Poor little chap, I have never seen a meltdown go on for so long before

Hi Milady - I have the same prob with DD - now 3.9 ASD which has been going on for about a year . We were told to explain things to her which we do but it makes slight difference. The important thing to say I think is something like "so and so" is coming to talk to mummy and then "so and so" will be going home. ie try to make it clear that the visitor will be leaving.

DD cries even when familiy members she knows very well come to the house. To me it just seems that she does not anyone invading her space with mummy and daddy no matter how short the visit.

Sorry to sound so depressing but I have been waiting over a year for this to pass and am hoping it will do shortly

Also,(like your DS) DD's health visitor had the same reaction from DD when she did a home visit and it was this that finally got us a referral to Paed. I should not moan too much though as although it restricts visitors to our house it really is the only behavioural problem we have at the moment.