Am hoping you will be able to help me get some routine here please.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I have posted this in behaviour and also chat. Just because I need some help/advice.

As many of you know DS1 is somewhat awkward with his behaviour. Well in turn for an easy life i have been known to give into him far too much...Well it would appear to be for an easy life when in fact it is for a life many of you would class as simply normal.

There have been a string of events lately that have left me reduced to tears and seriously at a loss.

However I now have bigger issues as my depression has hit like a sledge hammer,DS2 has started copying, He desperatly needs to have a bedtime routine without DS1 disturbing him and this will sound selfish I need some time to relax!

I am waiting for an appt with CAHMS but there is a waiting list.

my flat is suffering seriously as I am sinking further down but I am getting there with the flat...have decorated 2 rooms cleared alot of washing sorted DS1's room out,made a part of my room into DS2's room (hard to describe but there is an arch way in my room and have made the part through the arch DS2's room iyswim?) so I am making some headway.

I have noticed that when i am down i have a habit of accumaliting crap well clothes i keep because they remind me of this or that.

I am not asking for help there just some help in getting a routine going here because i feel i am sinking further down and am going mad.

DS1 is back to school tomorrow after 2 weeks holiday so i will have abit of a break from him there, yes i know that sounds horrible but i am worn out.

I need to get myself into a routine and need ideas/encouragment.

feel free to flame me for saying i need a break from him, but some of the things he has been doing have left me reeling.

DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 2.

DS1 has ODD.

Sounds like you have done an awful lot already and dont feel bad for wanting a break.

Must be very difficult with the two boys sharing a room and the age gap. Have you tried separate bedtimes, so the two boys dont keep each other awake?

Claw, they cannot share a room because of DS1's behaviour.
DS2 is in a part of my room which is seperate to my room if that makes sense.

Oh right, sorry i read it wrong, i thought it was your 2 boys who were sharing the room.

Ive yet to establish a bedtime routine that works for ds, so not much help to you im afraid!

Claw,no worries...I will get this sorted somehow....now where did i put the cellar keys??

LOL or superglue works wonders!

Do you have anytime to yourself, is little one in nursery?

No he is not in nursery...it sounds awful but he is not the problem...i hate that word!

I wouldnt worry too much about what words you use on here, we have all been there and know what you mean.

I was just thinking of you having some you time, even if little one is extremely well behaved, its always nice just to relax for a bit, have a soak in the bath or to be able to read a book without interuptions.

soak? bath? relax????

what are those strange words you use Claw??

Seriously if i could get bedtimes sorted I would be fine, I like being with the boys and i like being indoors...mind you in saying that don't say it too loudly but I AM GOING OUT AGAIN FRIDAY FOR THE THIRD TIME IN 3 YRS WITHOUT THE BOYSSSSSS ooppss i said that a bit loud didn;t i lol

Lol i will have to talking rubbish!

Yay 3rd time in 3 years you rebel! Where are you going?

Im off to bed now, dp has settled ds and he is asleep, i had better get some sleep in quick, i usually get about 3 hours before he wakes up again.

Will check back tomorrow to find out where you are off to.

Good night

I am only going to the local pub which is a whole 4 minutes from my front door lol

Not too far to stagger home then! Hope you have a great night.

Nothing wrong in saying that you need a break!

I think the only time I've ever really set up a bedtime routine from scratch was way back when ds1 was 3ish and we made up a new shorter version of his routine so that it could be made into a social story for him.

Baths were too nightmarish to suffer do every night so those were deliberately kept separate from the bedtime routine.

I think it went something like:

• pyjamas on

• drink of milk

• up to bathroom for teeth etc

• shortened version of ds1's previous rituals

• nightlight on

• leave him to settle

Bedtime stories were pointless for him at the time so didn't need to be included. Dd (NT) has stories but they're usually done downstairs before she goes up to bed.

Basically go with deciding what's important for you and keep it small and manageable so that it doesn't become too much for you.

Enjoy that night out!

Ideally in the end I would like DS2 in bed by 8 and then DS1 and I spending some time together. However to get DS2 into bed earlier than now, i have got to get DS1 into bed so he doesn't disturb DS2....you know i cannot wait to get an appt with CAHMS hope that between us we will make progress.

As for Friday I am looking forward to it soooo much lol

Could you set ds1 up with something to do, some drawing, some painting, play doh or whatever he enjoys doing, perhaps even put him in the bath (if he can be left in the bathroom on his own) for 10 minutes while you get ds2 to bed?

Claw,
DS1 is 11 so yes can be left in the bath alone. he will o in his room and read/play lego until sleep time. thats what he enjoys so may try that tonight.

Brilliant that sounds like a plan to me, one down, one to go!

Does ds2 settle when you put him to bed?

he settles on the sofa then i move him into his bed, which for now suits me and him....but that has been because it is the only way i have been able to settle him and keep him free from harm from DS1.

So the next move is to start getting him into his bed......easier said than done.

Oh yes TLE thats the tricky bit, my ds is still sleeping in my bed and ive tried everything to get him into his own bed, so no suggestions for you there!

We have 5 sessions booked with CAMHS over the next 5 weeks and one of the things they are going to try and help with is sleep, so i will keep you posted as to their suggestions, if you think that might be of any use to you.

Hope you have a great time tonight.

TheLady....

My DD was the same and I too let her sleep on the sofa, then would lift her to bed. Then she'd sleep on my bed (we shared a bedroom at the time, sad and long story) and then moved her across to hers. The next step was to put her in her own bed and I'd lay down next to her whilst she dropped off. Might not be as easy for you with DS1 but could you explain to DS1 what you're doing and ask him to play quietly/read/not come into the room etc, depends how long it takes to get DS2 to sleep I suppose. I did this over a course of 1 week at a time because I just needed A tiny bit of me time, however short it was before I collapsed into bed.

As others have said, keep it simple - baby steps - and try to make it fun (ish) for DS2 without getting him over excited. Do the whole "big boys bed" IYSWIM and lots of praising. It worked for me so fingers crossed. Hope I don't sound too like Supernanny!! Sorry if I do.

Have fun tonight, SO JEALOUS!

You could try to first appeal to your older son , you need his help, he should be staying up later than his brother, but you need his help to get the little one to bed early. Can he spend an hour in his room until little one asleep. Tell little one he is a big boy and can go to bed in his own bed now. First night go through the pj's teeth bith, Milk if still has it. Then story in bed. You stay in the room maybe in the bed till he goes to sleep. next night sit at end on bed. next on floor next to bed, next by arch, next on your bed, then just out side door etc, till he can go to sleep on his own. Then make a big effort to thank DS1 by spending time with him. Friends tried this and it worked for them

Hi Ladies, things have been hectic here but i will reply properly to you all later. I am just waiting for DS1 to come home as i need to talk to him about the school calling again !!!!! grrrr