anyone else trying to help their aging parent with social communication issues?

[lingle]

Sorry it's off-topic but this is probably where I'd find others in the same position.

My dss' traits run very much on my side of the family and my dad's now 74.
He's always struggled with social communication, is a retired engineer and semi-professional musician (jazz double bass, still managing to play weekly somehow)

Anway, he's had a cascade of unfortunate medical issues and it's clear to me that his social communication issues are resulting in him not getting all the help he's entitled to. In particular, I've found that his cancer team includes access to a nurse whose job it is to facilitate communication between patients and doctors but he's never contacted her and finds the idea of a phone call with a stranger too intimidating. He tends to just put mum on the phone.

Unfortunately though, mum doesn't help much. My parents' marriage has never been great tbh and mum tends to focus on possible dementia when trying to explain dad's withdrawn behaviour to the doctors - she doesn't really understand him much. Whereas I feel the key point the medics need to know is that dad is hard to get to know and may not be able to communicate his feelings but he still has the feelings and his personality is intact.

He's a classic visual learner but something has happened to his visual-spatial cognition - incredibly difficult for him as he has to fall back on his much poorer verbal skills.

Someone tell me I'm not alone please?

You are not alone, my parents are both very outgoing, sociable & happy. But my Dad who is 80 is starting to struggle to verbalise , his processing times for langauge now are so slow, coupled with the fact that he is deaf but refuses to wear his hearing aid, means he comes accross as a grumpy old man.
He has a progressive condition but will not go to the Dr to get his medication sorted as he "don't want to bother them" he won't ask for referals for more specialist support as he feels he doesn't need it.
He also cannot communicate at all on the phone, at best he will give one word answers.

Your dads difficulties must be harder for him if you say he has asd traits but I do think its often a diffiult time when our parents get older & roles start to reverse.

It is a difficult thing yes. I want to call this nurse and "introduce" dad to her - explain that he desperately wants her services but that she may find she needs to put in more time with him than with other patients to get the communication going.

I think it's literally a question of scheduling a 30 minute appointment with dad where a 10 minute appointment would do with someone with good social skills.

Mum's had cancer and the chances of it coming back are fairly high, so ideally we want him to manage with the nurse without mum being his interpreter.

I need to persuade mum to let me do this without trying to "take over" -which I wouldn't want to do even if I could.

Wish I could call and just say "dad has asd, please make the following adjustments".

i have attended Dads last couple of GP appnts with him, but it is so hard not to take over, which he would hate.
Having ahd a couple of crappy months he skipped in to the Surgery like a 20 yr old, I think there is a big element of fear & loss of independance.
He seems afraid to show then just how much he struggles
Can you phone & say my dad tstruggles with socail communication, whatever the reason they should still make adjustments.

Yes, I think I need to make that call - if mum will authorise release of the name and number to me!

Mum has bad arthritus so really it's hard for her to help too.

I guess I'm so hoping that someone will do this for my DS/DSs one day in the distant future.

forget about my ds's I'm hoping they'll do it for me