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Original poster

Watching 'NT' children

14 replies

jenkins88 · 13/07/2005 19:21

We live in a small block of flats and share a communal garden with our neighbours. DS has been in the garden all day playing with my neighbours DD in a paddling pool. I can see them from my balcony and they are having a lovely time.

I know I should be pleased that he is enjoying himself and is making friends, but I feel so bitter. I keep going out to the balcony to check on them and each time I have to fight back the tears. His little friend is only 21 months (DS is 3.6 yrs) and she is so much more advanced than him. She's jumping in and out of the pool and DS wants to follow her but has to get my neighbour to help him. She keeps going over to a little trampoline and gets on and off with ease, whereas DS just stands there with one foot on and the other on the ground waiting for adult help. My neighbour was pointing out some colours on a toy and her DD was repeating them all back while my DS was only just managing the first part of the word and was miles behind her.

The worst part is that from up here, I've got the perfect view of their little heads. Little girl with lovely symmetrical round head and DS with his poor little lopsided head, completely flat at the back.

I know I should be down with them helping him and being happy, instead of sittng on my arse up here feeling sorry for myself, but I just don't think I can do it. I'm dreading nursery starting in September. I've already delayed him starting by one term thinking that he would fit in a bit better.

I'm finding it so hard to be proud of him for all the things he is good at (like being friendly and liking other children) because I seem to be so fixated on his delays.

I can't be the only one who feels bitter when they see children who are developing normally. Does it get easier, or do you just have to grin and bear it?

OP posts:
Jimjams · 13/07/2005 19:27

I still avoid NT children of ds1's age, and can only cope with them in smalll doses.

JakB · 13/07/2005 19:36

No, you're not the only one. It is very hard. I can't watch little girls doing girly things without getting upset. My DD is so 'behind' it's not even quantifiable! You have to allow yourself to feel like this- and you'll have times when it won't bother you and you will be brimming with pride. On the positive side, it does sound like he had a lovely time and it's great that he can go on 'playdates' like that

Bethron · 13/07/2005 22:50

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jayzmummy · 13/07/2005 22:54

I find it even harder when I watch my DS playing with a friends DS who has the same Dx as J.
J is three years older than her lad and he cant do half the things her son can and yet they have the same Dx.

It just brings it all home to me just how much J's learning difficulties impact upon his life.

Jimjams · 13/07/2005 23:10

I know that one as well JM. I'm not sure we're the worst off as such, but we seem the most limited by ds1's condition at the moment, because there are so few places he will tolerate going. Of course all these things are fluid and may well change as he gets older. Also the family situation will get easier for us. Having a 6 month old and a 3 year old as well means they still need lots of attention.

eidsvold · 13/07/2005 23:21

I have two neices born the same years as my two. The dn are both so advanced.... my dd1 ( with down syndrome) just seems sooo behind her cousin and then even comparing the other cousin who is two years younger than her and walked before her... that really brought it home to me.

RTKangaMummy · 14/07/2005 00:07

I know it isn't the same so apologies to the others here

But we had DS sports day yesterday, He has Dyspraxia and hypermobilty esp in his knee joints.

Anyway at the sports day they all did 3 events.

And the difference between DS and the other children was sooooooo extreme.

How they move, run, throw and catch things etc etc.

And when he was standing with his shorts on with the other children we noticed how far back his knee joint bends when he is standing {it goes beyond 180 degrees}

One of the other children said to him "that people only talk to him as a last resort"

Socci · 14/07/2005 00:13

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RnB · 14/07/2005 00:18

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RnB · 14/07/2005 00:18

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bobbybob · 14/07/2005 00:19

I find it really odd as an adult that we would only talk to someone if they were good at sport and had knees the same as everyone else (and I live in NZ so being good at sport is important here!). Is it that children see things differently, or are they repeating stuff they have heard their parents say? Just curious really as I wouldn't let my son say anything like that.

RTKangaMummy · 14/07/2005 00:42

Thanks guys

I have no idea, but DS was very upset by it. The boy's mother was sitting right next to them as she is a Assistant Teacher.

It was seeing all the other children the same age and years younger being able to just run and it look so natural whereas with DS is just doesn't happen like that

He is so determinded to try and at the start line, he was in the standing start position with such a determinded look on his face, the whistle blows and the others just take off and leave him way way behind with his own unique way of running.

I put his support bandage on his knee to help him but also so other parents might realise something was wrong with his knee and not laugh at him because of his own unique way of running, and luckily it worked and I heard someone say "Ahhh, look at him running with an injury"

Which is better than what has happened in the past.

He tries so hard to do his best, and was so chuffed because in one race he came in 3rd {actually was last because there were only 3 in the race} but he saw it as coming 3rd.

Original poster
jenkins88 · 14/07/2005 01:50

Thanks everyone for your replies. I knew I wouldn't be alone in having these feelings, but I needed to hear other people say it too. I often feel very alone with all this, as it's not the kind of thing you can say to other mums in R/L. I have tried but I always feel like I'm embarrassing the other mum by mentioning DS's problems, and it feels disloyal as well.

I've just realised that DS friend is exactly half his age and she was so much more advanced. DS was always a little bit behind with developmental milestones and I thought that would be how it stayed. Him being a few months behind was ok, but I'm so scared now that the gap is widening way too much and he's going to be out of his depth soon. We are seeing the dev. paed. in August so I am hoping that he/she will answer some questions. (Actually I'm terrified of asking any questions.)

RTKM - It must have been heartbreaking to hear another child say those words to your DS. I'm not surprised he was upset. Why are some kids so unkind? BTW, I love his 'the glass is half full' attitude to coming 3rd in the race. I hope this boys mother gave him a good telling off for being so cruel, but I'm guessing from your posts that she didn't.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 14/07/2005 08:13

tbh jenkins, i think this is the most difficult age, pre school. It is usually when the gap does widen and that knot in your stomach gets bigger. Just dont beat yourself up about it. Me and alot of the others with older kids know exactly how you feel as we have felt it oo. He sounds like he is doing well though and its lovcely he has a little playmate, even if she is younger and a GIRL! he looks gorgeous btw

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