Concerns about DS (6)

[WillowFae]

We are having real issues with DS at the moment. He seems to fly off the handle (we call it 'going off on one') almost constantly at home. Whether it is bedtime or time to get dressed in the morning, it is a constant battle. He seems to shut down on us and doesn't talk, and instead hits out. Then he gets so worked up and distressed that he can't talk to us at all. The only way we have found that he will communicate with us when he gets like this is by writing things down (though being only 6 this can take a while so not good when trying to get ready for school!).

He tends to form obsessions with things (currently Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) and everything he wants to do is connected with whatever the current obsession is. When he gets involved in his obsession he won't communicate at all. We don't know if he is ignoring us or so caught up in what he is doing that he doesn't hear us.

Despite being caught up in these obsessions he finds it VERY difficult to play on his own (this has always been the case and was VERY tiring when he was a toddler as he would never play by himself: even if we got his cars out or something he would sit there as if he didn't know what to do until I came and joined in). Even now, when I listen to him playing with his Star Wars toys, or his Chitty car and figures, he is just re-enacting scenes from the films, nothing new from him if you see what I mean.

He rarely plays with friends outside school and not through lack of trying. Whenever I suggest it he says that he doesn't want to. At school he does play with other children but his teacher has said that he can be on the sidelines or just wandering around singing to himself or dancing: in his own little world.

This last things we can cope with, but the behaviour, lashing out, and non-communication is now unbearable. He went to stay with his grandparents for the night last night to try and give us a break for one night!

I'm going to contact our health visitor but when I spoke to her over the Christmas holidays she just said to try reward charts which we have done but he only responds to those for a few days.

I don't know if it is just bad behaviour or if there is some underlying issue.

Oh yes, should also say that DS is doing very well academically at school. In Maths he is the top of his year and is working at a year 3 level.

Sounds like a normal boy to me (I've got 2, both have had phases doing all this!).

Willowfae

Forget the HV (and you've tried her suggestions anyway without success). What you need to do instead is see your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

What may be helpful as well is to film your son at home because this will be in his usual environment. Tell the paed exactly what you have written here. Your concerns are real and should not go unheeded or unacknowledged.

It sounds like he is playing alongside children than actually with them. What's he like when he comes out of school; is he upset then?.

I would look further into all of this, there is enough here at both home and school that certainly warrants further investigation.
Whatever the outcome (in terms of a diagnosis) he is still your son and you will love him just as much. That won't change.

He seems fine when he comes out of school. He is usually there till around 5.30 because that is when we can get to collect him and his younger sister. He is happy to see us. Then he is perfectly happy at home until we say it is time for bed. It doesn't seem to matter how many warnings we give him that he has x number of minutes, or till the big hand gets to whatever, or that he can watch one more clip (when he is playing Chitty related clips on YouTube).

I don't think he is unhappy at school.