when someone finds out your DC has SN, do people then say..

[lisad123wantsherquoteinDM]

Oh I think I have that, my DD,DS has that ect ect?
I find it really weird, some people just kinda make it as an off hand comment. Dont get me wrong I know some people who are fighting for dx and that fine but Im talking about people that have never sought a dx, never had any input but just say it because say their child lines cars up, or doesnt like that cold ect. Am I the only one that gets these mad people saying this??

When I told a couple of friends individually about DD's ASD they both said - "does she have dyslexia?" DD is three

After my DD died from luekemia I used to get 'oh thats so sad....Anyway how did you KNOW she had it, my DD has been a bit poorly lately' 'omg thats terrible, do you think MY DS has got it because he...'

Like I was a fecking expert and really wanted to delve into the horrible memories of pre dx FFS!

The thing I get with my DS is usually 'oh I reckon people make these things up....' The person saying this seems oblivious to the fact they are actually telling ME I am making it up to excuse something.

Or 'aww there is nothing wrong with him, he is lovely' Like I am saying there is something 'wrong' with him and he is horrible

Only just found this thread but this has just struck a chord for me today.

My problem is my own Mum. When ds had to come off gluten, (doctors think he very likely has coeliacs and he is now having to go back onto gluten to be tested) all of a sudden she had a gluten allergy and started buying gf food and telling me all about the terrible reactions she'd had to this or that food. She was and is still eating food contain gluten on a regular basis. She saying last week "just look at how swollen my stomach is, its the gluten you know" whilst simultaneously stuffing a cheese sandwich bought at the local co-op.

When he was given a verbal dx of Aspergers she announced that she had always thought she was Aspergic and he probably got it from her. Then when the question was raised as to whether a lot of his problems originate from dyspraxia and this might be the stronger dx in the long run she went on the Dyspraxia Foundation website, emailed me and announced that she has always been dyspraxic and can tick every one of the indicators listed.

It drives me insane, but it shouldn't, she always has the same illnesses as anyone else she hears about, even if she hasn't seen them for weeks/months.

She doesn't mean any harm, but she's also very insensitive to how it makes me feel when I am so worried about ds1.

Among the other more interesting comments I've had when I've mentioned ds's dx were "but he talks normally" (that was from another Mum who is a SALT!) and "Really? I've never seen him flapping his hands." (From a Mum who thinks she knows it all but doesn't.) and one of my personal favourites - "Ah, I always wondered why he was so small." - er what?

moosemother , your mums a genuine hypercondriac .
try telling her your best friend is suffering from "netters disease" (made up that one)- just to see if she catches it too .

sorry , moosemama.

'He looks normal though doesn't he?'

'He's happy though isn't he?'

'Autistic people can be really talented'

'ah bugger'

Today I had one that took my breath away

.

I fully agree this lady was right to do what she wished in her own PG but why she had to involve me i'll never knmow, esp. as she very enarly lost the sale she was making.

o we'd been chatting about Uni and my MA and she asked why I chose ASD so I explained about the boys, she said her brother was disabled (I think a similar level to ds3 as it was a dx we looked at for a while). 'So I had every test done when I was having my last baby becuase I wasn't going to inflict that on the children I already had. Didn't ypou know before you ahd your last one?'

@I bet you don't have a normal family life so you?'

Quite took my breath away. Stepping back now I can see she must ahve had a rough childhood and tbh I woudln't be surprised if ds2 made trhe same decisions- but why tell me on the first meeting?

peachy thats awful.
ive had the usual , "but she looks normal" comments . .
wtf does "normal" mean anyway?

Peachy thats gob-smacking. What did you say?

Shells- I can't remember LOL. Probably smiled and nodded, easiest. I will be seeing this lady twice a week so want not to fall out with her.

I did kinda get teh impression she was seeking to confirm a decision she felt bad about but it's clearly one I didn't make so misjudged over mean.

I know, I tend to smile and nod too even though I'm seething.

I did have a 'friend' once say 'I'll have all the tests when I'm pregnant, I don't believe in bringing disabled children into the world' which I thought was pretty gobsmacking considering she knows DS is ASD.

However she's also of the 'well there's nothing much wrong with him is there' school.
Sigh.

Lol, drloves8. Today I have horrible period pains, strep throat, a double ear infection and sinusitis. Yep I'm having a really fun week.

Guess what, Mum has - sinusitis and abdominal pain (she had a hysterectomy when I was a teenager, but still manages to get period pain whenever I do ).

I really shouldn't complain, its her only fault really, she's really helpful and supportive and a fantastic Grandma.

Peachy, what a horrible, insensitive lady. I understand that she may have had a difficult childhood, but that doesn't give her the right to sit in judgement or expect others to agree that her choices are the only/right ones.

I tend to smile as well rather than create a scene in most cases. I find I get a sort of sixth sense for when it would be hopeless trying to change their viewpoint as they are too closed minded/ignorant. Its rare that I feel its worth trying to explain or inform people, although I will try if I think there's hope.

moosemama - she sounds great, if slightly exentric(sorry spellings awful) . a bit like a "pregnant dad" who suffers labour pains /braxton hicks/heartburn.! lol kinda sweet actually.
I had a " whats wrong with her ? " today..... i just grinned at the woman, and said " dunno , mabey shes fed up with all the stupid people staring and asking stoopid questions " .

ive got the opossite with the MIL , she has a cousin who teaches autistics in canada, so mil showed her photos of dd4 and sort of expected a dx there and then ! lol ....
we still dont havd a defo DX (had verbal GDD ages ago)but are still waiting for the asd assesment appointment . Should be april/march . . bless her (mil)- i think she still thinks DD4 can be "fixed".

Ah Chegirl we get the leukemica crap too when someone finds out about DH.
I was also explaining to my friend that HV has referred DD2 to CDC appointment due to concerns re ASD, and she was asking, I was explaining about Echolalia and she was a mess as her son does it too. I had to explain the its normal process of language but just that DD2 has does it in same tone of voice and has other things too, poor love

lisa

I know - like you really want to discuss fecking luekemia with all and sundry!