strategy for meeting head

[debs40]

Following my truly crap week with school, I've arranged to meet the head when we return.

In a nutshell, DS, nearly 7, likely AS, lots of sensory issues, coordination problems, problems with social communication is on SA+. It has been a battle every step to get him at the proper level of intervention at school first with an IEP and SA and then SA+ and then with a muliti agency meeting which I called because school didn't understand his issues. He is passive and doesn't cause problems and is doing 'ok'.

I have been chasing SENCo to tell me exactly what help DS is getting on SA+ to no avail. The head has not been involved to date but I approached her before half term (by email) to up date her on DS' diagnoses and the fact he is still on the ASD waiti list.

I got a really sh*y email back accusing me of causing stress for her staff. Eventually she apologised but I have asked to see her individually.

I want to move this forward. I don't want it to get all defensive and 'you said, she said' and I didn't know whether I had more chance of this if I went on my own and just told her that things could have been handled better and that there needs to be more openess in line with the Lamb report etc.

Or should I take someone from Parent Partnership to keep it civil even though this will make her clam up and be defensive

Also PP woman I spoke to is nice but very 'it is hard for schools there is only so much they can do etc'. She seems to think local LA policy is law and I wonder how much use she will be!!!

We took PP to a transitional review when relations with the school had really turned nasty. She didn't contribute but I felt it helped everyone be on their best behaviour.

I was accused of making two TAs cry with one of my home/school diary entries!

Take a file with copies of everything, reviews, emails and his IEPs which should state exactly what provision he's getting, how it is to be implemented and accessed by him and have specific targets on it to be reviewed/achieved termly.
Stay calm, try and be very focused on what you want to say and have accomplished by the end of the meeting. Take PP with you, even if she's a bit wet, she may be surprised by how little the school is doing in comparison to others and have helpful suggestions.
And see this as a step on a long journey.

thanks. I have made the mistake of not addressing these issues head on before by going to the head but that was because of her reputation for being extremely defensive and brooking no criticism. I suppose I just really feel that I wanted to concentrate on future provision despite the mistakes of the past as anything else will end up in shut down and defensive behaviour.

It annoys me so much as I am always thinking about how to raise things diplomatically without offending people when no expression of concern is made for us or our son

What was it the Lamb report says about not making SEN parents feel like a nuisance? !!

Take PP woman. They can veer to the side of the LA even though they're meant to be impartial. Use the Lamb report to your advantage - copy out bits that support you. Write down everything you want to say before you go. Good luck!

Thanks. I am still so angry at receiving an email like that from her when she had not even had the courtesy to speak to me about what has been going on. I get sick of this constant feeling of confrontation, frustration and tension. I know there is a decent head under there but the speed with which these people turn on you never ceases to amaze me.

I know it is because I have been asking uncomfortable questions but on a personal level, it makes your life crap.

Does she really want me to sit there with a list of ways in which this has all been handled badly?

Try and treat it as a meeting to find a way forward for your DS be concilitory.

Think about what you want to say and why and stick to these points. If the Head goes off topic or starts to right. Just keep calm say thank you for letting me know how you feel-now moving on....

starts to rant-sorry 1/2 term getting "help" from my 3 year old!

Ha beat you vjg13 I apparently nearly made a teacher hand in her resignation!

at wasuup3000 what did you do?!

I would loved to have made the HT at my daughter's old school do that.

'but that was because of her reputation for being extremely defensive and brooking no criticism'

Do our children go to the same school.

I am in the middle of trying to get a diagnosis and the school are no help at all, HT is just as you describe.

Hope the meeting goes well for you.

Vjg13

Allegedly I stressed the class teacher out after trying to advise her in regard to my daughter...

Evil Parent that I am!!

Thanks. Meeting is now cancelled and will have to be re-arranged.

I am happy about having a plan and sticking to it. I just think that in wanting to move forward, I am having, again, to ignore so much of what has been done/not done.

If the Head dares to start moaning about the stress I'm causing with a few quite proper questions, I am going to have to explain why i am asking those questions which means going into the history of how crap they have been, which will make her defensive and we will get nowhere. I am sitting on so much anger about this, their lack of understanding of disability issues as well as their failure ot follow correct procedures for SEN

I think I know in my heart of hearts that this school is not interested as it has had to be dragged kicking an d screaming to put in place any help and they still, by their own admission, have little understanding.

This is what makes them defensive. They want to pretend they've done everything they can when the reality is the reverse.

Yet, what do you do, when you live in a poxy town where schools dominated by grammar schools which leads to competitive academically driven primaries who don't seem to give a damn about these types of issues. And when your son has a great little group of friends who he loves to bits.

And yes, I am applying for an stat assessment