Your dh/dp's.How do they deal with it all?

[chickensaresafehere]

Following on from Mintyfresh's post.
I am interested how your dh/dp's deal with your dc's SN.
Do you talk about it alot,are they supportive,or are they sometimes in denial?

Mine is supportive and deals well with the actual SN, but because he works full-time and I am a SAHM he doesn't have to deal with a lot of the s*@t that arises. I end up doing the appointments/being called into school type stuff and he doesn't really get how time consuming and generally depressing some of that stuff can be. By the time I tell him about the meeting, or whatever, I have got through any anger and he gets a potted, no frills version. None of which is his fault but if ever I'm not feeling supported then that is usually the reason.

On the plus side, he's never really been in denial about anything. I'd say he's better than me in that respect.

Badly. But probably because he is asd himself. By getting severely depressed. Thus making more work for me. .

my dh doesn't have to deal with it as he's always working, so never been to reviews medicals or appointment's he did finally except ds's problems last summer when he broke down over it best thing he did we've had no arguments since whereas we were always arguing over petty things before.

Out situation is pretty much parallel to what Seuss has described in her post.

DH also goes to the Annual review, oh how I hate those. I let him do most of the talking (he is proficient at that and can run rings around them!) although I do speak up as well. I find them very hard but hopefully this year's one will be a bit easier as its the Y6 one.

I really wish they would not bring the child into the annual review meeting - is this actually common practice within school?.

AttilaTheMeerkat
they started bringing my son in to the review at 12 but only for 10 minutes at the end last year they had him there the whole time and I felt I couldn't be honest so I requested he was only there at the end this year and it worked out better for me.

DH is fab with practical stuff. Gets up in the night, etc. Comes to DD's consultant appointments (He has a Weds off, and that is when they are). But can't cope with the detail, so gets a 'potted' report from me of other meetings.

He takes me very literally though, and whilst he 'gets' that DD1's brain is never going to become NT, he translates that to mean that she will never be able to do normal things, and that she won't live independently, and won't have a family, etc. It is too early to tell what DD will be like in 20 years time. So we struggle there.

FioFio - my dh is the same. He just doesn't entertain the fact that she is 'different' from other children. I guess because he doesn't see other children her age (2.8) very often tbh. It might start to hit him when she's older I suppose.

My dh is a Buddhist and he doesn't worry a lot about anything really. Probably the best way to be!

Very supportive about all the practical stuff that has to be done with DD2, and her biggest fan and cheerleader (other than DD1). But definitely in denial for quite a while, til it wasn't deniable any more. And a tendency to play down how DD2 is and how things are for us as a family when his family ask - I'd prefer him to be a bit more honest and to ask the ILs for some support.

DH is totally supportive and totally pulls his weight. It's not like he has any choice. Unlike certain professionals who appear to have never met my children, those of us who spend any time with our kids, specially DS1, don't get to deny their issues.

He was reluctant to do any reading up, at first, but has caught up with that in his own way. He still lets me take the lead on a lot of things, though. He is aware of his own spectrummy traits and acutely aware of those of people he works with (all computer programmers) and over the past 3 years, has become pretty knowledgeable about a lot of stuff by osmosis, really (or would that be diffusion?).

If both of us go to meetings or appointments with one of the boys, it's partly so one of us can do the shepherding (Keep out of the cupboards, DS. No, that's the sharps bin, it stays up out of the way on that shelf. Turn the lights back on please...) while the other (um, me) can do the talking.

Oh, and I do the annual review and all the follow up meetings that's generated, this time around, but DH does work full time and has to use his time off sparingly. It's not like our annual review is a battleground. More of a polite chat over coffee (in a pretty full room!) really.

Looks like I'm in the majority then.
My dh is wonderful with the practical day to day stuff,gets up in the night,encourages her with her physio,they have a fantastic relationship(in fact sometimes I'm sure he's her favourite!!),but as for the nitty gritty,SN stuff,he doesn't really talk about it,if I bring it up,he gives a short reply(& believe me MNer's he can talk!!),I'm not sure he is in denial,but likes to put on his rose-tinted glasses & pretend it's not happening IYSWIM.
I think he will have to face up to it as she gets older,she's nearly 3 now & her disabilities are becoming more obvious
Another point as well is ,none of his friends are aware of the fact dd2 has SN,which I find a bit strange,is he embarrassed to tell them,hmmmm,not sure

My DH is a superstar compared to some of the posts above although sometimes, I could strangle him when he asks why I'm so grumpy! He works from home most days so I do have the chance to go for a wee now and then.

DS is 9 months so although it's bloomin' hard, I get support in more areas than most of you because DH can take time out to go to the hospitals with me. The "technical" stuff often gets ignored or denied and DH seems to make it sound as though all is rosey in our garden when talking to friends and family about how DS is. Why do they do that? In actual fact, he has no idea what my day really involves (even though he is in the same house!!) and if he had to swap with me full time - he'd be pants. Especially as I was the one to be trained how to care for DS, DH just didn't even go there. He's just not practical in that department!!

yeah - dh is great at the practical stuff - takes her to conductive, does loads of physio etc etc. But think he does block out the bigger picture type stuff and doesn't want to understand why she has so many different doctors / what is going on metabolically etc

He's also a very much a 'deal with it as it bobs up' kind of guy. So doesn't dwell or worry about what could / is likely to happen. He's also pretty adept at normalising stuff (what seizure? She's got a bit of wind that's all. Her eyes ALWAYS roll round when she's tired.. kinda thing)

"if he had to swap with me full time - he'd be pants."

This!

DH is absolutely great with the boys, but admits, himself, he'd be hard pushed to cope with a day of them both without going into shock. He often wishes me luck as he leaves for work in the morning with DS1 on one of his slow, brooding melts with lots of oral stimming and DS2 going off on DS1 because he can't stand his brother's stimming noises!

Dp struggled for a long time with accepting DS was autistic. It took him about 2-3 years before he openly admitted his son was different to his peers. Now 6 years on he does a lot for ds as we have a new baby so he does the nighttime stuff and gets him ready for school in the morning and a lot of the discipine. It helps in that ds is a real daddies boy and worships his dad.
I know he isn't happy but that is because we are struggling to see hoe ds's future will be and I am more practical so am trying to find out resources and stuff for the future. He just takes it day to day

OURYVE - loving it! You win! At least my DH doesn't go into shock but he does change over the course of the time he spends with DS - his tone of voice, his attention to him etc, I can tell when the enough monster is about to come out so have to step in!! Like I said, if I get to go for a wee, that's a good day! A shower on top is a bloomin' miracle!!

I know that enough voice. I'll be hearing it from myself by about next Wednesday, since it'll be half term, here! (And I'll also be itching for more than a 5 minute bath by then, too!)