Accused of neglect by ds's taxi driver

[wannabeoriginal]

Not a wind up have changed name for this.
Ds 15 has autism and is taxied to school. He was off school Thursday because he had been sick although he wasn't unwell.
Sent R (taxi driver) a message to let him know and got one by return asking me to call him. Was busy and assumed he wanted to know when ds would be back at school so didn't call him straight away and got another text (narky)
Phoned R and said I'd let him know later whether ds would be back at school but R in fact wanted to discuss his "concerns"
They being ds is very tired probably because he doesn't sleep more than 4 hours in 24 and sometimes not at all.
He doesn't talk, well he barely talks to me either and rarely speaks outside of the house ever even though he can.
The fiddly he uses to calm his anxiety he has seen ds nibbling it, well it's preferable to him pulling out his hair or biting himself.
He wanted to know what I was doing about it?
As you can imagine I am devastated and I feel hugely awkward now when R picks ds up. Spoke to ds's school and the head was great and said if R mentioned anything then he'd put him straight but what if he goes to SS? It has made me anxious as to how others view my parenting of ds and his siblings including another with autism.
All I know is that yes it doesn't appear conventional but it works and they are all thriving and I am surviving an incredibly difficult existence.
Any words of wisdom?

I am sorry you feel like this, Social Services surely know you are doing a good job with your ds dont they? Why dont you ring them and tell them what the taxi driver has said? That way at least you have pre warned them of a problem........ Hope it sorts itself out for you.

Not known to SS and don't want them involved tbh. I manage and will keep managing I couldn't bear the interference and no doubt well meaning if not totally impractical advice

How long has this man driving your son for?. It sounds too like this man has no real knowledge or understanding of autism generally (like many members of the general public).

I would actually now request another driver. R could not even be asked to have a conversation with you on the phone, he sent you a bloody text (argh!) message. Its not appropriate at all.

I would also consider making a complaint against this person to his employers or at the very least get the school to have a discreet word with R.

Whatever you decide unsubstantiated allegations like the ones R has spouted to you cannot go unchallenged.

I wouldn't worry, the taxi driver obviously knows nothing about Autism, i suppose in the eyes of someone who doesn't know about Autism they may be concerned about the behaviours a ASD child has but its really nothing to do with him.

I'm sure SS would laugh at him if he phoned them.

Could you print off some info about Autism from the net to give to your taxi driver? i know you shouldn't have to but i have done it in the past as so many people have no idea what Autism is and the more people we make aware iof Autism the better chance our DC's will have in society.

Have spoken to school and they have said they will put R straight. School have no concerns whatsoever, know that it's the autism and I am a good parent.
R has been driving ds for more than three years now. Ds did originally speak a little to R but as he has got older he speaks less and less in general and rarely outside of the house. How R put it though implied that I was stopping him speaking out.
He seemed to think he is tired because I allow him not to sleep and I shouldn't send him if tired. But he wouldn't ever be in school if I did.
I think his issue with the nibbling the fiddly came about because he had been sick so I kept him off R thinks it was because of the nibbling but it was because he ate whilst running up and down because he was happy about going bowling.
It has knocked me for six tbh, I can see that it looks bad, but R knows about the autism and although ds perhaps doesn't appear as able as he was three years ago the changes have happened since puberty set in and he is still functioning well above what was expected of him when diagnosed.

My step son never spoke at that age (he hasn't got ASD) so it could be partly due to his age.

Please don't worry Wannabe, you sound like a great mum , all the things you describe are just normal ASD traits and normal teen behaviour, i'm sure most boys his age would not want to talk to the taxi driver (you can't get a word out of my step son until at least mid day as it takes him that long to fully wake up).

Your doing a great job with him so don't take any notice of what the driver says.