Thread in AIBU getting me down

[lou031205]

I worried about being judged for using Home Start, then told myself to get a grip. It is a lifeline to me. Now I know I was right all along

No, just judgey, self-satisfied people being bitchy. If you needed it, you needed it. Certain people on there, especially moondog, just being bitchy imo. Don't let it make you feel bad - I can think of many reasons why it would be OK for you to use HomeStart!

I started reading it, then couldn't read any more after page 2.

Home Start know who needs it and who don't, so don't worry about it. You do need it, you wouldn't have it if you didn't.

oh ffs. That's what it there for x

Lou

Our volunteers werenot like that

Actually we thought one might be so we gave her the boot

Serriosuly, one thread does not RL make. They'd judge you for using Asda if it was the only shop in town on here, it's all bollocks and you need to learn to say'fucking MN weirdos'.

Have only ever posted one thread in AIBU and mostly got good replies but by god there were some judgemental bitches on there! Don't fret about it. Homestart are there for whatever reason you need them x

Yeah, I know you're right. I just struggle enough with the fact that I am struggling (if that makes sense) without that crap.

I always saw the posters and thought that I would be the one volunteering. Right up my street. But DD1 is just full-on. Beautiful, adorable, but incredibly hard work. Then DD2 copies her, and DD3 is only 10 months.

Just getting them all dressed in the morning & keeping them that way is a challenge!

If you need the help then take it and don't go feeling all guilty. You could maybe "pay back" the kindness at some point in your life when you feel more able to. Please don't feel bad about getting some help. I think it takes a brave person to admit that they need help. Good luck with it all.

Well I worked there and would grab one like a shot now- lifeswaps things about and maybe you will be a vollie one day,our best ones were ex-famillies- in fact so were the mroe usefulSure Start staff LOL.

As I see it you have two choices with struggling: accept it and ask for help, ordon'tand lose out.Sadly, simply ceasing to struggle is not an option.

I said this on the toehr thread but willrepeat here.

I took ds3 and the two NT ones (DS1 was with DH) to a very secure and familiar community farm today for an hour's quick walk. There was a lady there with a very severely autistic child- in a maxi buggy screaming, Mum looking unflapped etc.

For a few minutes I felt terrible about myself,that I ever complained or dared to struggle. becuase I dos truggle,very much so,with the effects of the SN as much as the SN itself.

Then i relaised there'ssodallI can do anyway, that there arelots of thing I don'thave- any family close by, or friends I an call oon for a start- and that there are plenty of other things in ly life.

There's not hierarchy as to who can struggle and who might not.

Jeez, that lady might not even have been Mum-Mummight have gone years ago, inded her friend had a child with LD as well so they could well have been care workers or respite staff.

Its an important skill to stop beating ourselves up about things we can'tchange, and acepting we can't do everything is part of that.

Yep, I also thought I'd be one with it all under control with a perfect child and a great relationship... wasn't quite expecting it to turn out like this. I guess none of us thought we'd be here eh? But thank goodness we are, and we are all doing the best we can and from what I can see we are doing a fan fucking tastic job.

lou - your family, your business. a bunch of random internet sprites can just piss off.

Random internet sprites really is it.

You know how we come on when we'refeeling low orlonely or whatever?

Well so do they,oonly they don't have dx'sor anything toscream at so they just aim at random people instead. To them, we are not rl people but words on a screen.

Sod them. I've been knocked down so many times that increasingly these days I cannot be bothered towaste the energy.

Well given that you have had PND in the past, swine flu and a C section I'd say that aceepting help would be a good idea. I wouldn't let anyone help with Ds and was doing areobics three weeks after his birth by c section. 9 years on, with little support for Ds's SEN, I am honestly blardy wrecked. Go for it!

Very kind, but I'm not the OP of the other thread

Ah yes, that thread. Almost managed to convince me that I had no right to ask my workplace for counselling because I should be getting the support I need from my family and community like in the good old days.

Lou, don't let it get to you. I volunteer for homestart and really saw nothing wrong with what the OP was saying. Mean spirited views really on that thread.

I truly, truly wish I had known about HS when DS2 was of pre-school age as I could have really done with some additional support.

I tend to help families with children with SN, whether thats just playing/ distracting the child whilst mum has a shower , or accompanying to hospital visits, watching other children etc and I love it.

I am going to have to stop soon to have DC3 (eek)and I will really miss it.

I like TotalChaos post!

I think asking for help is a huge step for many of us - once you can acknowledge that you need help.

And any help given means you can improve the lives around you: that can only be a good thing.

(We've had several Homestart helpers over the years)

What'swrong with needing a shower anyway?

My hair badly needswashing- dread to admit how badly- I cannot take ds4 in as there's only a bath and he just spalshed the water everywhere and devastates it, and the only palcewith amirror todry it is at the top of the stairs- no stairgates as ds3 can'tnavigate them and get help if ds1goes off on one.

DH should be home by 2.30 and if has time after doing his work then I can wash my hair before Uni; if not I won't go as its too embarassing.

Mum could never do the just sit them on floor bit- her bathroom is so small you canwash your hands whilst sitting on the loo without leaning!

I think HS would have amde such a difference tomewhen DS1wastiny and I didnt know what had hit me- only that I had twounder two and the olderone was very,very hard to handle(my first posts on MN asking for help with him are back in 2001, he was born Dec 1999). They'dprobably have rpevented DH's breakdown and what I now think was pretty nasty PND related to a completesense offear andisolation due to ds1's behaviour at every group wetried to access.

I could do with it now except we're not in catchment. I'd grab it like a shot otherwise though, andwe've hadatemporary NAS befirenderand waiting for another.

( I amfeeling it ATM though as normally I'd have emergency back up over half term next week from Mum,even if it means driving 60 miles each way,but am without as BIL having dangerous op next wek and can't care for her kids for sixweks,sister works shifts so Mum working every hour bless her. Don'tmind at all,how could I,but dreading it nonetheless)

I'm a homestart volunteer. I have been in three famillies so far. My role is to befriend, my training taught me to befriend

I have so far, sat and chatted over coffee in the home, been out and sat and chatted over coffee in starbucks, I have helped bath children, occupied children while mum/dad cooks, gone on the weekly shop, attended toddler groups, occupied children while mum has a bath, does paperwork, irons, had a well deserved 2 hour nap

All of the above is what homestart is about, I have made friends, my parents have found a friend

Mean spirited, jealous people should take their noses out. The woman on the other thread should take her volunteer and enjoy every second. This op should not worry in the slightest (and I hope the mean/wierd volunteer on the other thread gets booted off the scheme)

mum had the nap, not me

I agree, take whatever help you possibly can. Life changes so much so fast, you never know when YOU might be the one in trouble so those people who judge you for "using up" some one else's help can jump in the lake as far as I am concerned. This does not make much sense but have just had a nerve out of my tooth and am feeling a little strange!!

Just imagine how awful it would be if you wanted to help someone, and you wanted to volunteer, and hey presto... no one needed any help! except you knew they did need help, they were just too proud to ask.