advice on possible adhd?????

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hello there,this is my 1st time on mumsnet. i have a 5yr old boy,as a baby he was a dream,then almost suddenly at the age of 3 someone took my perfect boy away and replaced was a nitemare! i dont know what happened to him,i suddenly faced awful tempers,been stubborn,not eating,winging.he then started to go threw every phase,hitting,spitting,shouting,toilet talk,etc,he started school in september and since then ive been called in 6 times,all for simialar behaviour that ive just mentioned,the teacher has said that i need to get him assesed,she says he shouts out in class,spits,hits,is rude,tries to tell her how to teach!hes bossy,and that without our permission she will be putting him on an iep.that he is a behaviour problem child,although she keeps telling me hes brite,almost to much so.im so so upset,im so down about all of this,i do think shes telling me hes got adhd,maybe he has.i dont know,has anyone gone threw this??feeling very alone as the teacher says hes the only one in class like this.

Hi don't dispare he is not the only child in the world like this.

I would go back to the teacher and arrange a time to talk, asking about the stratergies that they have in place in order to control the behaviour as this will help to get you both singing from the same hymn sheet.

Has he got an IBP (BEHAVIOUR PLAN) as this will show the progress he made?

Don't worry it will get better.

i havent heard of an ibm,altho she is sending me home a behaviour book every day that we both have to fill in,good and bad points,every time i try and talk to the teacher i just seem to break down,i just cant seem to cope with him,do you think this sounds like adhd? i do belive the teacher is trying to help us.

Reading it back then I would not like to say yes or no as weather he is or is not the best thing to do is think of stratergies to help you cope .

What do you try at the mo?

The bahaviour books are ok I have usedthem in the past with children but how does the book make you feel?

i like the book because i get to hear more about his day and exactly what his behaviour is liks at school,i choose that school because it appeared to be firm,old school if you like,and im still very happy with it,at home i do have alot of rules,things like no jumping on sofas,beds,not to much tv,he got his 1st computer game at xmas which we allow after a good day at school,after his tea,bed time is 7.30,he swims 3 times a week and hes in a dance group,the other eves we play jigsaws,go for walks,or just chill,threw out all of this he can be very hard work,demanding,unless he gets 100% attention,i remain firm with him,because it seems you give him an inch he will take a mile,my mam thinks i need to back off him alittle,but thats hard to do when i know that it will end in tears,either me or him!

thecloudhopper,many thanks for your kind words tonite,its just nice to talk,i know we will get there with him,thanks again.

In would also like to add keep doing what you are doing I'm sure things will get better soon, it may not seem like it when you are in it but things will get better.

Hi, My daughter is now 10, and I when I read your message I completely understood where you are coming from.
My daughter was a perfectly nice and ordinary child until she was three, then all hell broke loose. We went through all the phases that you described. When she started school the real issues began and i felt like i was in school more than she was. In my case the headteacher referred us to a child development clinic to see a doctor, where she was diagnosed as adhd. although if your teacher wont support you in this you can get your gp to refer you.
When my daughter was diagnosed i knew nothing about adhd and was sceptical about if the dianosis was correct....
I can recommend reading 'understanding adhd', which i believe is by dr green....(although i'll check for you if you have trouble finding it)
It was like reading a book about my kid! and it made me confident about her dianosis and helped me understand more about her condition. I also lent it to her teachers.
Its a really easy and simple guide with bullet points.
As im 5 years down the line and gone through the system if you want to ask me anything, please feel free.

pickles...wow,how is your daugther now?ive just been to see my gp,hes giving me a referral.i took my son who never stopped talking to him,and he went alittle nuts when he was ignored alittle. i did buy that book that you mentioned,and i to could tick every page that relates to my son,i got that book 2 weeks ago and i showed it to the teacher,she told me not to be reading into it to much,that im not a gp! although she has mentioned lots of times that i need to take him to see a gp.some days hes just fab,then other days are hell,did you have good days?is your daugher on treatment?what is she like now?was she easily lead at school?my son is in lots of trouble,for writing on tables,throwing food,wetting his hair,flashing his willy!!!every time i get him home i ask why did you do this??he tells me in the end that someone in the class told him to,or that another child did it aswell,but he was put in time out,when i mention this to teacher she says he lies alot!which upset me,because i dont belive he does,did your daugther do anything like that?i do belive he probably has dahd,he also has abit of ocd,and he gets into habits very quick,like clicking his fingers,swollowing loud,hopping!doing his velcro on his shoes 3 times on each foot,he also is abit controling,his way or no way,supposing its going into the loo 1st or going up the stairs 1st,we dont let him do this to us which ends up in alot of loud tears...does this sound simaliar to you?my mam thinks i should let him away with little things like that,but im afraid to,because when i let up before he tried to control everything,its like he just dosent know when to stop!so that book was a very interesting read.

That all sounds very familiar! Being easily led, throwing stuff, flashing, yep, certainly know what youre talking about!
The routines and almost ocd behaviour thing isnt uncommon to run alongside adhd, but if it makes you feel any better my daughter still has to open the bathroom door before flushing the toilet and absolutley will not put her socks on before her trousers. she's been through quite a few of these little obsessions, but they have never got any worse or interfered with our lives so i let her get on with it, although i would certainly keep a close eye on the situation incase the behaviours increase and it is ocd rather than just habits. She also went through phases of facial tics and making quite alot of animal noises.
I completely understand the contol bit youre talking about. for quite some time before her diagnosis people used to describe her as a control freak, and i felt i could do nothing right, some people said i let her have too much control, others said i didnt let her have enough which is why we were struggling!

My daughter tried medication for 2 1/2 years, but unfortunately we didnt have any significant success and she has since been diagnosed with oppositional defience disorder too, so maybe thats why the meds didnt help a great deal for her. talk to the doc about meds though coz even though we didnt get on with them i have seen other kids do really well with them. i guess it comes down to personal choice and how much of a problem the kids are in the first place, especially at school.

In our case things have improved greatly at home, but at school things have got continually worse and was given a full time statement of special needs and 1-2-1 support, however she's still unable to cope and she's starting a specialist school after half term. Dont be scared though, I think she's quite an extreme case (or so people tell me) and i know the vast majority of adhd kids stay in mainstream school and do really well with extra help.
xx

pickles,thank you so much for your reply,im starting to feel alittle more at ease as someone understands,what leaves me confused is people on the outside saying hes fine,ignore that teacher,hes just full of life!so sometimes i dont know,all i know is that my head has never felt so crushed before,like your daughter,my son has to put his socks on before anything else,if they dont go on 1st then we have temper to deal with,when he goes to the loo he has to put loo roll in 1st,when he goes to bed he has to wear his red coat and lots and lots of books,toys,etc have to go to bed with him,we let him do this at bedtime and remove them when hes asleep,and theres not a word about it in the morn. yesterday he got a sticker at school from the head teacher for been so good,today we got a note home saying he argued all day and had to be removed from class because he was trying to tell others were to sit and getting angry because they would not listen,how do you cope with it all,
?teacher keeps saying his body is hectic,his mind is hectic,and that hes very implusive,was your girl like that?how do you deal with it calmly?ive got him into dance class and he swims 2/3 times aweek,any oother ideas for me?to help his hectic body in a calm way?sorry about all those questions,thank you so much again,i think im slowly coming round to the idea that his assessment will say adhd,

right,im really confused now,took my boy into school this morn and 2 of the 1-1 teachers said to me,oh you look alittle uptight,i said to them,my son was very hard work this morn,they then said,you know,we,ve got boys and they are just the same!they both mentioned that they had at least one boy that they had,that was very like my boy,and that i shouldnt worry,thats its a boy thing,and that my boy was just full of life,yeah abit hyper,but fun,should i listen to them?is he just full of life? or is it adhd??this is what kepts happening,just when i get my head around that fact that he probably has adhd,some one goes and confuses me,what am i supposed 2 think,his assessment is in 5 weeks time,it seems such a long time to wait....