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Help- all gone badly wrong with Ds1- need urgent advice.

41 replies

Peachy · 27/01/2010 17:36

OK so

DS1's school recently made several TA's redundant, I knew this but had to take a wait and see approach. I didn't know until their last day. Head was newin Spetember and apart from a brief thanks for Christmas chocs does not speak and avoids people generally: this is even taking intoa cocunt I am volunteering at th school 1/2 sessions a week.

Thre are two aggressive children in yr5,ds1 and another boy. I know nothing of him (no obvious SN but thatmeans nowt ofcourse) but know he has access to resurce room,and I have seen him hit teachers before. I will call him X.

DS1 has had deteriorating behaviour recently- stealing things to make potions, verbally aggressive, same oldsame old frankly.

We also have a new rise of the gangs, this time he and X areleading gangs. I have spoken to the old Head many times about this and it was promised itnwould be stopped, and I have also emailed repeatedly in absence of any contact with new Head. I amde notes inink book as well but haven't had it back since as 1-1 took it home and forgot toreturn it. I get impression 1-1 is so overrun that she has totake it home to do it.

DS1 gets 10 hours small group provision aweek on his statement.

In school today I saw prefects telling a teacher that X had a weapon on him, something sharp. Teacher asked him to bin it, he walked off and came back grinning, showing it o prefect as he walked past. Prefect told teachers, who shrugged and said tell a teacher on yard duty. I was dealing with ds2 at the time (he has an infection that needs treatment) so have no idea what then happened.

Anyway, at end of school ds1 comes out with threecakes.I explain that he has to give one each to his brothers, he storms off screaming bastard at me. Goes into classroom and collects uniform, he is wearing ds2's unifiorm becuase his PE kit and coat are missing again.

Dh turns up with ds4 at this point,thank goodness.

DS1 is growling and we head home. On way home he gets knocked accidentally by a gate that swings into himwhen ds3 pushes it. he comes over and screams bastard at DH,starts really hitting him. DH grabs his hands fopr a minute then marches him off home,firmly but gently.

Kids arepointing at dh out car windows laughing at this point.

When I get home I talk tods1.Apaprently he has had enough of the school, his 1-1support has reduced dramatically becuase the TA who previously spent most of her timewith him is now also TA'ing another child, I have a feeling that other child ison full1-1 but will check with his Mum tomorow. he therefore spends all day in classroom most days with no real smallgroup provision.This amkes sense so far, other kid's 1-1 was let go. This afternoon they needed someone towatch him ashe was taking the classsalter on with support and as there was no provision took me off reader duty to provide 1-1 for him. Now,Ia dore that kid soloved it but sitting watch him draw is hardly useful to him is it?

DS1says when he gets X alsone (and he willeventually) he will break his neck,X swears at him constantly and ds1 finds that hard to dealwith.

Since then ds1 has been on the rampage, bullying threatening and generally melting down.

What do I do? Obv.done allthe you cannot hurt X stuff but tono avail.

Have offered schoolmany timesforme togo for additionalhours for ds1 but never even had a reply.

I have to send ds1 in tomorrow as I have ds3's statement review at the unit.

I have no idea what to do, clearly school has collapsed under the current regime of mionimalprovision only and I don't know how to go on as I cannot prove he isn't getting his hours but there is one seriously upset kid torturing a stuffed toy ATM.

OP posts:
Phoenix4725 · 27/01/2010 19:28

i called emergency reviw for ds ecently by writing to head of Lea nd giving my reasons

sickofsocalledexperts · 27/01/2010 19:47

I know that threatening health and safety issues is always a powerful one with schools - and this school sounds like it's falling apart, with a woefully inadequate TA population and a weak head. Schools have a "duty of care" to keep safe all the pupils on their roll, and this they are clearly failing to do by not providing proper support to several children with needs. Schools are terrifed of getting sued for this stuff, and governors will be aware of this (do you remember the fairly recent case where a school was successfully sued because they left an uncovered ditch in a playground, without due warning or safety provision, and a child injured themselves). I think you could leverage this into an AS placement, although it will be painful on the way to that aim.

Peachy · 27/01/2010 20:10

Dioes anyone remember what happened to ds2 at this school? Gym floormelted in heat, the kids were told to just keepmoving; ds2 didnt, foot glues to floor and when he jumped left part of foot gehind needing A&E treatment. School just whinged at him for not following instructions. why didnt I complain then? (was becuase last Head on way out anyway, retiring)

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lou031205 · 27/01/2010 20:12

OH MY WORD -

siblingrivalry · 27/01/2010 20:19

Peachy, we accessed CAMHS through dd's previous school - the head did the referral.
You can also go through your GP -which sounds like it might be the best route for you.

We were put on a waiting list and I rang them to tell them that dd was self-harming and struggling badly and they managed to fit her in earlier.
It really is a case of 'she who shouts loudest' with organisations like CAMHS.

I really empathise with you -dd is at a great school now, but has still spent the last hour talking about how she wants to punch someone/ knock them out etc

Good luck tomorrow.

Peachy · 27/01/2010 20:22

I have said in my emails that if extra hours cant be arrnaged we want LRU.

What we do not want is this shitehole any more, and ds4 is not going there. even if it is so called uber popular and across the road.

Another friend is in the infants awaiting a statement, has been for 9 months as school didnt bother to fill in forms and now SENCO gone on MAt leave. FFS

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kate1956 · 27/01/2010 20:45

Hi I work in a school as a learning mentor - you could try asking for the educational psychologists number to speak to - they may be able to help. Also Gp or the ed psych should be able to refer you to CAMHS but be sure that you are really clear about the issues ie. don't underplay anything as CAMHS has upped their criteria (certainly in my area anyway as they were getting odd referrals like 2yr olds with tantrums!). Not sure how appropriate this is but you could ask the school to do a risk assessment on your ds - this may help you access support. Possible last resort but sometimes it's helpful to know that social care have a fast-track service to the therapeutic team at CAMHS - don't know if you'd want to go there but maybe something to think about if you are at the end of your tether - hope some of this helps - much sympathy as I know how frustrating it can be.

Peachy · 27/01/2010 22:56

Thank you Kate,somegood ideas,soailcare not an optin though as here we have a blanket NO on support for AS kids regardless of presentation,just the way it is.

Am awaiting tomorrow with dread. DS3 has an arm infection so might be home as well- arrghh.

OP posts:
Peachy · 28/01/2010 10:40

10.39 and no word from anyone

wankers

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Peachy · 28/01/2010 11:34

LEA won'tt alk direct to school

school blanking me

I give up (not really, will sned in heavy artillery (AKA DH lol) tomorrow if needed.

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LauraIngallsWilder · 28/01/2010 13:03

Any joy yet Peachy?

I am shocked and appalled that the school and LEA are apparantly ignoring you. The new head sounds utterly useless

It is totally pants that your ds is experiencing this - and as a result such stress and misery for the rest of your family

Sympathies

Peachy · 28/01/2010 13:44

Nowt yet and have toelave in a few mimnutes for DS3'sSNU

It may be that thy arewaiting forme to do the pick up and get me, but I will ahve ds1, ds2, ds3 (.5, hyperactive autistic needs to be with me not unfamiliar people) and ds4 (22 months) with me. Hardly practical!
if so I willschedule an actualappointment when DH is about and get ouur CM (who ahd an asd child in the schooland knows the score v v v well) to covermif she can with ds4.however, the silent treatment has been used before on me, several times.

Been dealing with by email up to now (my phone is touch screen and incompatible with their bolloxsy pressone for...crud,screen vanishes very quickly) but there will be a aletter in tomorrow if no joy. Is quite likely Head elsewhere as that seems very common with this new one.

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Peachy · 28/01/2010 17:52

Right so nobody spoke to ds1, they let hiom out with X again and nothing happened but head was in

Will be sending in Dh tomorrow

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CardyMow · 28/01/2010 18:52

Yet if your ds wasn't at school...I'm sure the school would be quick enough to send someone out to see you. I have a primary that likes to play the silent treatment. Had the same thing over DS1 being attacked in the playground last November. In the end, I stood by the office for a whole day until I saw the head and insisted he saw me there and then!

Peachy · 29/01/2010 11:21

We took it to school in writing today but Head isnow off and nobody elsewilldeal.Head seem to be always off.

TA coudn't say anything but didclarify that ds1 has been droppedfromreceiving full support in groups at cost to school to only the barest minimum. I understand the finances regarding everything but willnever forgive them for not telling us. Why would that have been so hard? We could have tried to sort this ages ago.

Am trying not to raise bits becuase I dont want to be stopped from going in to help (such as being the TA for the CP shild that session) but FFS. Useless.

have toldLEA that whilst it would be a shame tomove ds1 midway through year 5, and we would much prfer aditional TA, the status quo will not be accepted. DS1 agrees with that.

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 29/01/2010 20:06

god what a nightmare peachy, sounds like things have gone seriously tits up at the school, and the TA is between a rock and hard place.

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