How stroppy have you ever been with a 'so-called expert' ?

[mysonben]

I've heard it all now! probably not but here it goes...
Popped over next door with DS for a quick chat with neighbour (who is an OT) and a friend (who is a SALT). Neighbour who is quite nice, spoke about DS to SALT friend, and friend had said she would give me some info on language development.
I thought great!
After a few mins, DS was still being weary, grunting and looking at Salt out of the corner of his eyes, as she was trying to interact with him.
Usual thing DS does with strangers.
She then said to me "I think he is hiding behind his hair... (DS has a bit of a fringe but not overly long), maybe if he had a shorter haircut his eye contact would be better!"
I was !!! and speechless... i took the info, and left!

I then was tempted to go back and give her my opinions about her advice and so called ...expertise!

Could that not be true, though, mysonben? I don't mean as an answer to your DS's issues, or explaining away his ASD traits, but rather that if a person dislikes eye contact, they will avoid it. Could he use his fringe to shield his eyes even a little? I think sometimes we as parents of children with SN get so used to fighting for our children, that we see a fight in everything. When actually people are not being malicious or deliberately offensive.

I'm not sure she was acting as a salt though.
I'm a salt and a paprent and in both of my different personas, i agree that it doesn't help (and have reluctantly chopped off my ds's beautiful curls for just this reason!)

Well after reading your answers, i see what you mean and probably what the Salt meant too.
Indeed i tend to have a short fuse when it comes to DS's issues, , especially with people who make comments (like she did) after only just a few minutes spent with him.
I can see now she wasn't being nasty or offensive and as Moondog said probably didn't spoke as a salt. I'm also 'extra edgy' atm, because in a week we have the first meeting with autism assessment service re:dx for DS, and i'm worried about it.
I feel a bit bad now for leaving my neighbour's house abruptly...

About the advice she gave (ie:maybe cutting his hair), DS has had much shorter hair before and his eye contact with strangers who are trying to get him to talk, was no better, if anything it seemed worse as he would often cover/hide his face or look right down to the floor.
So i agree he may be using his fringe to shield his eye a little, but i can't see how cutting it would sort the eye contact issue , which can be quite good when he is relaxed and in a co-operative mood.

Starlight, i've read your posts about the problems you have with SALT and i hope all the issues get resolved soon. They don't make it easy do they! Good luck

It's ok, mysonben, they probably didn't even notice

I've mentioned this one before but a SALT told me DS1 liked looking at pictures of elephants because he is a visual learner - I think she meant big animals are easier to see but I'm not sure. I was too puzzled to reply though

Lol, when dd2 started the dx procedure a couple of the pro's (maybe SALT) said the same thing to me about dd2's hair, i was a little angry (dd2 has Autism, surely cutting her hair wont make a difference?), in the end i cut her hair and now she can see and makes better eye contact (not sure if it has anything to do with cutting her hair).

When HV came out to fill in the forms for dd's free nappies alongside the "are you sure she has autism because she just looked at me/she can speak/she can play" She said that she didn't think a "mild behavioural problem" was a good enough reason to ask for pull ups as opposed to nappies unless I was going to potty train her.
I said "the reason I need pull ups is that she will fight to the death rather than be laid down to change her" She said "Nonsense, I'll show you how"
Gave her the changing mat and wipes advised her to take off her glasses gave her a pull up and advised her to show dd the nappy and say nappy time.
She went over to dd showed her the nappy and led her by the hand to the mat. The second dd realised HV was going to attempt to lie her down she let out a blood curdling yell grabbed at her hair, ears, face,drawing blood, bending her glasses and pulling out handfuls of hair. HV saying "No dd that's not kind" I asked "shall I try and get her off you or are you going to change her?
By this time she was begging me to get her to stop.I picked up the changing mat put it away said "finished now" and dd let go of her and went back to her toys
Funnily enough I got the pull ups with no further questions but HV has never been back since.

'in the end i cut her hair and now she can see and makes better eye contact (not sure if it has anything to do with cutting her hair' was the fringe over her eyes? That'd do it

(taking piss out of op'sencounter btw not...oh well you know I hope0

Dd2 did have a rather large mop on her head so it would make sense to cut it so she could see better .

It's when 'experts' over-simplify what you know is a complex problem that it's particularly enraging. I've had similar encounters with DD2's OT - she just doesn't seem to 'get' that DD2's problems aren't simply the result of insufficient parental attention - eg she seems to think that all we need to do is play a bit more with DD2 and she will miraculously achieve purposeful hand function. It's a bit of an insult, frankly. I know that DD2 is complex, and I'd prefer it if therapists admitted that there's not much they can do to help. The best yet has been her suggestion that DD2's hand stereotypies (she has Rett syndrome and her hands are always in her mouth) would be resolved if we gave her more hugs...

(BTW I feel the need to emphasise here that DH and I play with our little DD2, read to her, sing to her, dance with her, and hug her ENDLESSLY!)

I've never completely lost my temper with the idiots but do confess to getting very very scathing with them - but by that time I had nothing to lose as I wasn't getting anything from them at all.

Ive threw the HV out - well evil eyed her until she made her exit, when she tried to give me info on SN services (i was in denial about dd4 tbh)
And told the nursery teacher she was off her head in front of the rest of the multidisplinary meeting because she started talking about dd4s twin brother , she said <span class="italic">he</span> was SN too. Hes not, peadi agrees hes nt...and looked at her like she has two heads.
HV (see above)must have forgiven me because she asked nursery teacher where she gained her peadiatric degree ? lol .

I am still pretty new to this process as my DS was only diagnosed with ASD last month, however already I agree/ sympathise with you all. I am naturally a fighter and will go to the ends of the earth for my son, but I am already sick of being patronised in the process. We saw a Paed yesterday who said that there was no empirical evidence to suggest early intervention made much difference for ASD (???) and his job was ( I am now summarising) really just to administer drugs if he wasn't sleeping etc....I am amazed. How can these consultants who get paid so much money be so clueless! I think I handled the meeting ok tho as I managed to stay articulate, didn't get too upset and managed to convey to him that I didn't agree. I have also got a couple of much need referals for my DS. The battle today is for a proper OT assessment. Tomorrow I will be fighting the Ed psyc to find out where the support worker is that she promised nearly two months ago and has had weekly bloody meetings about! I wish all things related to ASD where primarily parent led and that the experts just listened and responded. We know so much more about our children than they ever will! Ok rant over

We saw a Paed yesterday who said that there was no empirical evidence to suggest early intervention made much difference for ASD (???)

Eh???

There is tonnes.

you always get one moondog !