Am I being unreasonable......to be sick of all this?

[debs40]

OK, I'm boring DH silly, no one else understands what I'm talking about and I spend half my time looking for information on autism and sen and getting advice from websites.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of waiting for appointments, I'm sick of crappy incompetence, I'm sick of constant petty nagging to get people to do the basic minimum.

I've posted below about DS' school dragging their feet on an ed psych assessment - 'everything's fine'. I had to ask that teachers spend provide me with their opinion of where he stands in relation to his targets. They had to spend time writing with him today. It was like a revelation to them - guess what with help, being told to slow down and reminded of spaces between words etc, his writing was much better .....FFS!

Then, I hear from him that the tables and chairs were all moved in class and the kids positions changed. No warning. He's plonked on a new table. He was ok about it but clearly disoriented.

They know he's on the specrum somewhere. They are on the Early Bird Plus course and we've just talked about change and routine. But none of it matters when it's a question of doing it in class.

Not one bit of help.I'm sick to death of it. I really am. It's taking up every waking moment, keeping me awake. I never know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm sick of feeling completely isolated.

No, you're not being unreasonable. Just human. . I tried to explain the constant stress levels to my DP tonight, but he just doesn't see it in the same way as I do as he's only here 2 days a week.

Oh, Debs. YANBU - and you know it. But this bit is shit. You are doing the right thing for your son but that comes at a cost to us as parents, unfortunately. I read something on here once saying, whatever happens, the only thing important when you're lying on your deathbed (hopefully in many years' time) is knowing that you did everything you could for your children. It really stuck with me - and that is what you're doing for your ds.

I'm sorry you feel isolated in RL, but you're not on here

PS. STOP GOOGLING - tis bad bad bad and panics the most sensible of people - or limit yourself to respectable websites and a certain number of searches a day. Much better to get a book by someone respected like Lorna Wing/ Tony Attwood.

I totally know where you are coing from Debs, I feel the same at the moment.
Funnily enough, my dd's teacher also moved the furniture last week and dd ended up in a new seat. She was also disorientated -enough to make her freak about going to school the next day.

It's all totally frustrating, but you are doing your very best for your ds. You need to rant regularly to get it off your chest

It is so frustrating and stressful isn't it? I sometimes feel like I can't go on anymore, not just with trying to get help and support etc, but with the whole day to day having to cope with ds's behaviours etc. Today is one of those days, but from somewhere we find the strength to carry on. No words of advice I'm afraid, but I do understand x

Thanks. It means alot to have a safe space to have a shout about it. You have to keep smiling in the playground but I'm often at the point of tears at drop off.

Like thiss morning, we get in to school to be told that there is a science show in the hall. It has been cancelled last week because of the snow but they'd resceduled without notice - to me anyway. DS looked freaked so I took him through what they show was about and how it would be a different morning etc all with the TA standing by me. Is it that hard to mention something? I know they have lots of kids but all the more reason to get some extra hellp in for him

I suppose the time and hassle involved in trying to make sure you get people to doo what they''re supposed to be doing means less time to stress aboout DS's tantrums etc!!

They don't get it, do they?

Am just about to enter battle with ds's school as 6 months later none of the help the OT said he had to have has materialised. Apparently the teacher's excuse is that he is not achieving less than some of the other children. Oh, so that's all right, then

It's constant battle, battle, battle.

I've had that 'there are children whose writing is far worse' etc. Yes, and you're not doing anything about that either are you.

I'm symathetiic to overstretched teachers but then they should stop pretending everything is ok and say we need additional elp and if they can't get, the school should say our delegated funding doesn't cover this so apply for a statement.

Instead, you get bluster, bluster, 'he's doing fine' while they ignore the advice of professionals who have spent significant time assessing a child's needs - and they expext us to be happy with that?

Starlight, what amazing advice. Thank you. you are so right about the idea of the 'two piles'. It's so easy to feel that they are ruining your life. Disgraceful is the right word and one I use again and again.

I mean how dare they, all of them, be so continuallly crap? Yes, they're under-resourced etc etc but that does NOT explain the crapness of so many of their actions. Teachers who one year after he was described as having social communication difficulties still do not understad the basic meaning of the term - come on, bloody google it, it'll take you 5 minutes. Psychologists with no basic undertsanding of how to communicate with parents. SALTs discharging children they've just acknowledged have problems and running for the hills.

What about all those parents who don't have the ability, confidence or resources to find the right information and badger the right people? They give you an Early Bird Plus course like some grant of largesse....there you go, run along, duty discharged.

BLOODY DISGRACE!

You are right no one else really gives a bollocky toss about my son so why on earth should I worry if I have to upset them when my opinion differs.

Right, I've got my flame proof knickers back on. THANKS!!!!!

to be frank, in my case, I have finally got to the stage where at least dd's school is fully supportive- and it turned out the pile caused by her disability was still by far the largest one, because that is the nature of her particular SN

but that didn't make me any more equipped to deal with a totally unnecessary pile, did it?

and having a second child going through the same thing- it doesn't exactly cheer me up to think of the years ahead before the second pile can even start getting reduced; the first pile, of course, I know we are stuck with

yanbu

We've made great progress with ds1 lately-and we're back at sqaure 1 as his 'gang' has resurfaced and declared war,this time however instead of a random child he has picked a child like him and I don't even want to bet on who survives this (apparently theyve been fighting already but no teacher has seen it- DS1 swears he won)

Arrrghhhhhhh

And I have to see school next month about a referral for add/ dyspraxia for ds2,and the HV about whther ds4 needs to be seen forAS.

So YANBu

at all

It'sallbollox and if you werent sickof it then I could say YABU

its alla big farking PITA

Oh and they even forgot EB plus for us, we've neverdone it (they don't know about the MA natch )

and yes

Debs

yanbu. in the first year or so this board was a life line to me, there was nobody in RL who got it like these ladies do. IME after a year or two you do start to find yourself a bit more -for the first year or two I had to force myself not to think about DS and language delay, my mind was in overdrive - eventually though I think you start to be able to switch off a bit - though as DS's issues are more language than behaviour related I appreciate that it will be easier to switch off than if the reverse were the case....

Thanks folks! Cory, I completely understand. I suppose for me, of late, the stress of dealing with other people has been nothing compared to dealing with DS and it needn't be like that. At least, at home, I know what I'm doing with him. Watching him go to school and back is a game of chance until they switch on to it more!

Peachy, how did you get on with your essay? I agree tis all bolloxy bolloxy toss!!

Total - I agree totally too. What would I do without this board for perspective, advice, a rant and some sympathy.

You're all swell

Debs no idea, will let you know when I get results in 3 weeks. Am starting on next one now