If this child were yours, in our situation, would you be asking for a referral?

[Peachy]

DS4 seems a bit ambiguous as to whether he is ASD or not; we know that with 2 siblings with a spectrum dx,and expecting a related dx for ds2,he is very high risk. DH has said he prefers to play ostrich for the time being.

DS3's language is good,took until 18 months to get going but seems fine now; ds3 has SLI as part of his asdso I know 18 months is OK.

The things that are really starting to bother me are his headbanging tantrums- not just 'typical'tantrums but foreg in his highchair or whenever nobody is in a room with him. He has seemed to hurt himself sometimes.

His eating- very, very poor. hard to get him to do anything but throw foods tbh, has become arealproblem wrt to family meals. thankfully he is still BF so growing fine, but whilst he can eat solids, he usually will not apart from maybe toast and crisps.

Socialskills-is fine with DH and I,and adores the boys but is a PITA wrt anyone else. When my parents came up for 2 days he screamed almost contantly (this was Christmas, so he was 21 months).The CM he has had since September can get no recognition out of him, he dosn't scream if is handed over now but that's about as succesful as it has become. She was the CM for ds3 so we know she is great. We couldn't get anyone to babysit him until November as he would scream so much even my Mum (babysitter extroadinaire to everyone) refused to have him, he will now tolerate it if Dad is there, without him present its still a no-go.

Sleeping- just like ds1(in so many ways)- still hasn't gone through the night but we've not trained him well as we can't put him upstairs before we go becuase of the boys. It's a bit of a catch-22.

I know full well thee is nothing conclusive and I have never even met my HV (changed when ds4 was a few months old) so don't know her from Adam. WWYD please?

Hi, I am sure you have checked but can he follow a point?
My ds4 could not follow a point, even through he learned to point at 2ish, he can not sit still, stand still and seems to need constant movement. He hides when he sees people he doesn't know, or he has now begun shouting at everyone very aggressively. He can talk but his sentences are topsy turvy, and alot of echolalia although appropriate, eg he always says "all the colours of the rainbow" in a sing song voice when ever we mention colours of anything. He will look at the sky and say " look there's a rainbow" when there is no rainbow. He has huge tantrums that go on all day, with no end to them, lines up trains, and hates getting dressed. He has a diagnosis of asd.
There is no harm in getting a referral,but it is difficult to tell from what you have written. HTH. Hopefully someone more helpful will be along shortly.P.s ds4 is fine with dh, me and his brothers. He hides from anyone else, becomes mute, and stands still almost like a statue with no movement at all.

IKWYM about the headbanging tantrums, DD used to do that on the metal bar of the stairgate . It got so bad she actually gave herself concussion a few times. HV refused to accept it was in any way bad until she got given the hospital letter about the concussion! It may be worth digging out the HV number and 'outlining' your concerns. It never rains but it pours, EH?! I can see the paeds just going for 'watchful waiting' TBH though, at this young an age. Good luck.

to get things going with my ds i took him to gp with list of my worries my gp then referred me to developmental paediatrician who from there observed and referred onto multi disciplinery and SALT etc

it took alot of work though as kept falling down the papaer work pile and had to really be on there case to work back up again

it sounds like at the moment your doing all you can and just need to know where you stand and to how next you can start to help him could you go to a sn group at all and get advise etc from there

also if words are not getting through can you back it up visually with what is right and wrong even now at 4.9 i still have to use visual at times as the words are just words with no meaning

my friends son is a head banger and at times has such rotten bumps on him she was advised to keep his spaces as clear and safe as possible and to ignore as his got older his not doing it so much now his nearly 4 and the head banging has near on stopped although still not dx as yet

i also found with ds a lot of pre warning over and over again that he would be going somewhere or someone coming to us was needed to relieve any tantrums etc for days i would be saying the same thing over and over to him

now he is able to accept change with hardly any warning

i hope you are ok sorry im not so good with advise anymore tend to lurk instead of respond now days

Thanks both.

Watchfulwaiting would suit tbh, I think I suspect ASbut he is so young for that. When wesaw Paedfor ds3 last year she looked at him, said oh he has eye contact he is fine and that was that (we didnt ask, she just said it). DS3 has eye contact.

Pointing- erratic and rarely (but sometimes) triadic.

my son was 2 when i took him he was observed over a yr and dx just after his 3rd birthday

Thanks Bubbla.

DS3 was referred at 3.5 through nursery school, didn't get a dx until almost 6. They'revery keen on watching here LOL

OH and DD stopped the headbanging (at least on things that hurt her!) by around 3.5yo. It doesn't last forever. But is downright scary while they are doing it.

Thnk you LL. Yes it is scary,ds3 had a head injury prior to the ASD regression and we do think it was linked,even if Paed doesn'tseem to think so.

Ilet ds3walk over the schooltoday and we watched him toe walk,and he sobbed as I handed him over to the CM again. I think I will have to speak to the HV but am praying like anything- I know he willbe relatively minor even if, but even so- with ds2'sassumed ADD /Dyspraxia we'll have scored a 100% shit genes rating and I can't believe that .

i probably would be asking for a referral, but am still unsure myself whether to go for diagnosis.

at 100% shit gene rating....I'm darn sure we'd get the same result...even DS1, who is NT is coeliac....

Thanks Misdee,you speaksense I know,but I doalso think we have a bit of time.

LL glad someone gets my thinking / humour. Phew!

Yes. As you say, they are keen on watching round here - no harm in that!

given the length of waiting lists, and the delays inherent in the process, I'ld be at least starting to discuss referral with HV/GP. It maybe that without language delay it wouldn't get anyway at this stage, but worth thinking about it...