giving help

[JJ]

I've got a question. I want to help my sister -- most likely financially. Emotionally, too, of course, but being sisters I think we've got that worked out (esp having been through this type of thing before without the financial implications). Maybe, I guess, how do I know?... but she still likes me.

Anyway, a neurologist has suggested aquatherapy for her daughter and my sister doesn't know if insurance will pay for it (this is in the US). I'll pay for it and have told her so, but didn't quite know how to phrase it so that she'd actually take the money. I don't want her to worry about this and especially I don't want her daughter not to get the treatment because insurance wouldn't cover it.

Any suggestions? I hate this feeling. I'm so worried.

blergh.. just realized I cannot preview. Sorry for any obvious errors!

Is there any conceivable way you could contact the people who would do it and pay them directly, then just present your sister with a fait accompli? lmost like giving someone a voucher?
You sound like a great sister, btw.

Thanks. No, I couldn't find them.. I don't know who she'd go to and I can't find the name of her neurologist to ask. I've got to flex my googling skills... it's good to know that's a viable solution. Thank you. I can definitely fish around for hints.

JJ you sound like a wonderful sister. I agree with Tamum, that would be the simplest way. Failing that could you ring her/email her and say that you love her and her daughter very much, and it would mean a lot to you if you could finance her aquatherapy. Tell her it's something you have thought about and it would not put you under any financial strain , so you want her to accept this as a gift in the spirit it is offered. My sister has done things like this for me in the past, and I have never been offended. She knows how grateful we have been, and that we couldn't reciprocate on the same scale , but she was happy just knowing she had been of help. I'm sure your sister would be the same.

JJ we do this sort of thing within our family too and an offer of help is always accepted in the spirit in which it is offered. What comes around goes around, IME.

To find details of US doctors/people generally (particularly contact details) I find yahoo.com more useful than google. If you go phishing at yahoo you'll generally find that once you have the name, it will stump up the telephone number and any other contact details you may require of the person you wish to contact.

We've had quite a lot of financial help for ds1. For example for the BIBIC visit my Mum and Dad and SIL have chipped in - and I think MIL and FIL may do as well. We're always grateful and never offended. I always see it as a gift to the child- and its funding therapy it would otherwise be tricky to pay for.

I would do something like say "here's a cheque I want it to payfor/go towards aqautherpay" no discussion, it's just a gift.

We're always very grateful- it does make a difference!

Ah, excellent suggestion JimJams. Will do. But what if it's not enough? I've been trying to find out just how much it costs, but can't. SueW, my sister didn't give me the name, unfortunately. Lou33, thanks and I will and I hope..

Thanks again. You guys are all so sweet. I mean, I'm her sister. As my mom says, this is what money is for.

Love the check idea. I can do that. Mail someone money. I'll try and keep on top of the expenses.

Anyone know about the , I guess, late onset left hemiparesis? I'm sure I'm not spelling it right. It's probably just a stroke, right? Please?

How about googling aquatherapy and the area in which your sister lives (tell me if I am stating the obvious!) and seeing what comes up?

Even if it's not the class your sister ends up using you could email the people who run the class and ask how much it would be likely to cost to provide this on a daily/weekly basis for a year say.

Then just send a cheque. They have the choice to cash it or not, depending on whether they want/need it.

I'm sure if you are close to your sister, you know that they will only use the money for their daughter's benefit.

To be honest, if it were me in the position to be able to afford it, I wouldn't mind if they used the money for a much needed family holiday (or if it freed up income from the family for this purpose).

I have been in this position before and helped out family and have also been in the 'poor' position and needed help. It is wonderful to know that there are people around to help, even if you are separated by thousands of miles.

JJ- in the past when family have offered to help we have told them the cost and then they have just given however much they feel able to give. These are therapies we would have paid for anyway - the gifts have just helped out. I know you've said before that your sister is on welfare (dh a student?) so if you wanted to pay for the whole lot maybe just ask her up front how much it is and then send a cheque. I think if you're matter of fact it needn't be embarrassing iyswim.

Thanks again. I haven't heard back from her yet, but my guess is she's waiting until after the brain MRI to start anything. Now that I think about it, she'll probably wait until after her holiday (we're both bringing the kids to my parents' at the end of next week and staying for a month) to do anything.

SueW, I tried that and came up with a lot of old people's homes. I have emailed her and told her we'll pay for it.. I'm sure my parents have offered, also. Jimjams, she's not on welfare-- she's just poor and has a crappy health insurance policy. The birth to 3 program is available to everyone (who knows how much longer that will last though... tax cut anyone? argh) regardless of income. There are other programs they for which they qualify, but not welfare as my brother in law makes too much money (as a grad student! I'm not saying he makes a lot, I'm saying there's not a lot of gov't help for the poor in the US).

Anyway, the birth to three program is one of the good effective ones. Makes it ripe for cutting in the current political environment, it seems.