i just don't know anymore

[misdee]

someof you may remember the questions marks about dd2 and possible ASD stemming from when she was a toddler to when she was 5 and was told no, def not, it was al linked to her frustrations with her speech. (2 years of intensive salt)

well since then, dd2 was almost 'normal'. she has always been quirky, and i think she always will be.

but lately, and i'd say it was just before she turned 7 (that horrible age for girls IME), she has been sliding again. her speech has got more monotonous, except when reading loud when her tone and expression comes alive. she has no friends, and it doesnt bother her. it bothers me when other dd's tell me dd2 hasnt played with anyone at lunchtime. they have buddy groups, but she just doesnt seek out people.

she is having more toilet accidents again, and we're back to the 'wee wee dance' stage we hit a few years (involves lots of shuffling and bouncing and groaning before going to the loo). she is headbutting things. fortnuatly the soft furnishings and sofa, and not the hard stuff. has been hitting herself.

i jut dont know if this question mark will ever go away.

Not sure if I can be of any help, but dh and I resisted assessment of our ds1 for years, despite knowing in our hearts that he was 'quirky' and different.

He is 7 now and in year 3 and at the point he entered Juniors everything changed and he/we could no longer struggle on. He has gone from 1 class teacher in infants to 6 different teachers and is now expected to remember things for himself and organise his time and equipment on his own, he has also found it difficult to keep up with the social changes that his peer group are making at this age and was becoming increasingly isolated.

We went to the GP who was great and referred us to a paediatrician (who we saw within 6 weeks of seeing the GP). The paediatrician was lovely. The appointment was not at all difficult (although I didn's sleep for several nights beforehand worring about it). In fact it was completely stress free both for us and ds and really took the form of a long chat. At the end of it the paed said he felt there is enough there for a diagnosis of Aspergers, but felt that ds was very high functioning. He then referred us on to the local CAMHS ASD Assessment Team who he said we should see within 6 months. He is also arranging for ds to be assessed for ADHD and dyspraxia although he doesn't think its likely that he will be positive for ADHD.

I thought I would feel upset and emotional once a professional confirmed my fears, but to be honest, what I really felt was relief. Its has only been just over a week since the paed appointment, but I have already found it easier to be calmer and deal with his quirks in the knowledge that he really can't help it. (Although if you had seen me after the 9th time I asked him to put his gloves on this morning you might not believe that. )

I guess I'm trying to say the idea was much scarier than the reality. Had the paediatrician felt there wasn't enough of a problem to warrant further investigation we wouldn't have lost anything. In fact we would just have had our minds put at rest that although he is quirky its nothing to worry about.

We have had some chats with ds about why he was going to the hospital and explained that the Dr was going to talk to us about whether he felt he could help ds with some of the things he finds difficult. We also explained in very broad and simple terms what the words spectrum and Aspergers mean, as we knew he would hear them during the consultation. At no point has ds felt worried or stressed, in fact he was more than happy to get a morning of school and Mum and Dad to himself for a few hours.

So, in my experience after years of fretting and beating myself up, going for assessment has, so far, been a positive experience for us. To be honest, I wish we had done it a couple of years ago and been able to mitigate all the problems he's had during the transition from infants to junior school.

dh agrees with me, it might be worth seeing if she needs a dx just in case things crop up in years to come.

thank you all for letting me sound off in here. i feel like i'm a bit of a fraud as know how hard some of you have it. all dd2 problem is, is that she is a bit of a loner and talks funny.

i managed to cath the senco today, and have to see her tomorrow to arrange an appointment to chat about things.

still cant shake the feeling of betrayal though

If anything its the opposite of a betrayal, its doing what you feel in your heart is best even though its really, really hard. You are seeking help and support which ultimately will help her make her way in the world.

Please try to be kinder to yourself and remember, if at any time you aren't happy with the way things are going, or don't feel any of it is of benefit to your dd, be it with the SENCO or anyone else if you go for assessment, you can put the brakes on. You are in the driving seat so-to-speak.

At this point you are only having a chat about the possibility of helping your dd. You are just being a good mum, checking out whether or not she needs any additional support. Honestly, its not a betrayal its a show of love and support.

well we went to see the GP.

i had some other concersn about dd2, as she is pale, more tired, weeing more and looks to have lost weight recently. finger prick test was done, which proved my point that she doesnt feel pain, but welled up at seeing a little drop of her own blood. blood sugar was normal range, but have to take her to path lab for full blood work up in the next week.

I did say to teh GP i had some concerns about dd2 social skills. i mentioned she is often like she is in the surgery (very quiet, not looking at anyone directly, and a bit figety) or the direct opposite and whittering on for hours about her favourite subjects (pokemon and dogs). also said that she had the Griffiths test done when she was younger, and was ahead in some things but behind socially.

Gp has said to come back in two weeks when we have the blood results, and will decide on how to proceed with regards to AS concerns. so i dont think i got the total brush off, but atm the other concerns are def a more pressing matter.

she sounds like my ds whos aspergers hes 7 and great at school the quiet boy who sits at the back until some one talks about what he like(maths, and dinosaurs) and then no one can shut him up even the teacher. i would tell gp you want her sending dont let them fob you off, go with your heart!

i hav an appointment on weds to chat to the seco about concerns as well.

update here