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SN children

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Original poster

Asperger's and snow, not such fun after all...

19 replies

FeelingLikeaBadMum · 07/01/2010 10:48

Hi everyone,
Just tried to take ds1, who's 7, out for lovely walk/play in the snow. Am now in tears, ds in his bedroom, I feel absolutely wretched. I just wanted him to see the snow, maybe have a bit of fun in it, memories for when he's older etc. Instead he screamed all the way round "i hate snow, i'm cold, I hate you," to the great interest of everyone we passed.
Then he reduced ds2, who's 4, to torrents of tears by bullying him relentlessly when they were trying to build a snowman together.
I just feel so, so sad - for him, and myself.
And like such a bad parent because yes, I did lose my rag - shouted at him, almost felt like I hated him. For two pins I could have belted him, I really could.
Even writing this I know that my problem was my expectations were totally unrealistic compared to the reality of what ds is like and what he wants/needs. But how do other parents cope?

OP posts:

Marne · 07/01/2010 11:02

I had to walk dd1 (AS) to school this morning with dd2 (ASD), luckily my neighbour helped me.
Dd1 is no keen on the snow, scared of falling over, doesn't like getting cold or wet.

Dd2 went mad on the way home as her fingers had gone numb, she spent half an hour screaming once we got home and i just had to hold her down in front of the heater until she warmed up. I'm now dreading walking back up to get dd1 as i know dd2 will get upset again (even though she loves the snow she doesn't like getting cold).

Dd1 came out once yesterday to play but refused to come out again and didn't want to walk to school today but she was not too bad.

Keep him in as much as you can, not every one likes snow, i leave dd1 in the house whilst i go out with dd2 (just out the front of our house).

linglette · 07/01/2010 11:09

Oh you poor thing.

Like you say, you've already figured out the answer in your own head. I bet you don't get caught out like that often - you don't sound like a bad mum at all.

I guess the only way forward is to remind yourself that there are problems that matter and problems that don't matter and that not liking snow goes firmly into the second category (along with all the other things that will just be normal and acceptable adult choices once he's a grown up)

I don't know how your confidence is right now, but if you have a wide social network and a thick skin you might find quite a few secret snow-haters among your acquaintances' children.

FanjoForTheMankySocks · 07/01/2010 11:10

It is hard, I took DD out to "play" in the snow, as everyone keeps saying "oh she will love the snow, she must be excited" etc etc, and she just stood there and wanted to draw in the snow with a stick (she is obsessed with drawing). These moments are hard. But I suppose we have to accept our kids for how they are (not easy).

mysonben · 07/01/2010 12:37

Don't feel bad about yourself. Our dc are so hard to manage and understand at times, i wish i had more patience myself with DS when he pushes me to the limit! But we're only human hey!

With DS it is the snow falling on his face that troubles him.
So as long as it doesn't snow when we're out he is ok.
I'll be glad when it clears up anyway!

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 07/01/2010 13:50

we had this last load of snow before christma, horrible time. But we then found some ski trousers and she was loads better just culdnt stand being wet and cold
HTH

sphil · 07/01/2010 13:57

DS2 refused to go out in it last year. But this year he eventually ventured into the garden with a little coaxing and today he actually asked to go out. We went along the road to the park but he then got upset because I wouldn't sit on the roundabout (covered in slush). So we came home.

amberlight · 07/01/2010 14:12

I love snow now , but there again I'm an adult and have had years to get used to it. My observations from an ASC point of view is that it's blindingly bright (would sunglasses help if a child will wear them?), it's very cold (think thermal gloves and soft thinnish layers rather than too many layers that stop us moving - that's really scary for some of us), and it's really difficult to balance in, which means I need 100% of my concentration on just staying upright. Plus people shout and scream when throwing snowballs and that's SO loud. And snow falls on your head from trees, which still frightens me.

Taking it really slowly, helping us balance, and using a favourite hobby as an explanation, might help some of us. Or it might not. Can't tell. Depends on the child.

snowedinkettlechip · 07/01/2010 14:42

amber, snow falling on my head from trees would frighten me too!

I think snow is a sensory overload for anyone, for the reasons amber has mentioned, and for those with sensory sensitivities it must really be hard.

Don't feel bad though, OP, we all have moments like that when our patience is really tested. Hopefully this snow will go away soon, I'm desperate to get ds1 back to school, it's been weeks now!!

Pixel · 07/01/2010 16:54

Ds won't 'play'(snowmen or snowballs etc) in the snow but he has had fun today with me pulling him along on a sledge (I'm knackered though, he's very heavy!). He wouldn't get on it yesterday, didn't trust it at all but today he tried it and laughed out loud all the way to the shops. He also went down a slope with me sitting on the back and enjoyed the thrill of that. Wouldn't do it on his own though.
Things that really seem to have helped him are tights or longjohns under his trousers and a brilliant pair of wellies with sheepskin lining that keep his feet really warm and have good grip. Also I got him some fleece-lined waterproof mittens (can't get gloves on him) and for the first time in living memory he has actually kept them on, after a wrestling match to get his hands in them of course!

CardyMow · 07/01/2010 18:45

DS2 always cries as soon as we step outside in the snow, so the school get told if it's snowy, he won't be in even if the school IS open. it's just too much for him. DD was the same when younger, this is the first time we have had snow that she has actually enjoyed, and she's 11.10. She actually spent 30 minutes in the snow, wearing : a pair of leggings, a pair of jeans, a thin pair of socks, a wooly pair of socks, welly boots, a short sleeved t-shirt, a long-sleeved t-shirt, a thin hoody, her coat, a dappy hat, sunglasses, a normal pair of gloves with a pair of fingerless gloves over the top. She actually lay down in the snow and made a snow angel. It was lovely to watch her. DS2 is just a nightmare for it though. maybe he'll be alright when he gets to 11??!!

PeachyWillNeverVoteBNP · 07/01/2010 22:54

We had the oppsoite scenario- ds1 doesn't really feel cold so we have had to repeatedly hoik him back in from the garden where he has been found in socks and no coat.

ouryve · 09/01/2010 22:30

DS1 loves the snow. He rolls in it and buries himself in it and really seems to enjoy all the extra effort needed to move in it. he also quite likes being cold. I have a job enough getting him to wear a sweater, some days.

It's ironic, because he hates rain and he hates wind and will scream and scream at me to stop them.

defineme · 09/01/2010 22:41

Ds1-7 is like this to an extent- hates his coat and sobs about cold hands because he refuses to wear gloves until he's already frozen. Scared of sledge and didn't see the point of the snowman. When stressed he often turns on his siblings and attempts to annoy them or get them in a throttle grip.

I do think these things can pass- he hated rain and stood screaming under trees on the school run when it rained, now he complains quietly if at all about it.

It helps me to hear of my friend's nt dc who sob about cold feet in wellies (as my nt dd does) and remember that my big brother was vile to me for a lot of my childhood.

We are doing a lot of indoor stuff on the computer and going swimming. I also let my dd build outside in the garden whilst I watch through the window and entertain ds1-she's prefer me to be out there too, but at least she's out there.

tipsycat · 10/01/2010 08:22

My DS (8) ASD, is loving the snow. No school all last week, so we went sledging. He loves it!!! Only problem, little or no awareness of danger, so doesn't look where he's going, bumps into people/trees/anything in his way. I'm making him wear his ski stuff so the cold isn't an issue (it wouldn't be for him anyway, I keep dragging him back into house when he goes into garden wearing only a t shirt!!)

My big problem is the meltdown when I insist that "sledging is finished".

For anyone in the North West, whose child is enjoying the snow, my DS has been having one to one skiing lessons at Chill Factor in Manchester. Disability Snowsport is a fantastic charity who organise the lessons. The instructors are all experienced and very caring. We're taking DS to Austria in February, didn't think he'd manage in the ski school group lessons, now he's an expert!! Although again, the lack of awareness of danger will be a problem.

chopstheduck · 10/01/2010 08:25

ds1 still hasn't been out since it started.

He doesn't want to go out there, and schools have been closed so he hasn't needed to. dd keeps trying to persuade him to help her build an igloo but he isn't having any of it!

donkeyderby · 10/01/2010 09:50

DS1 has basically been imprisoned in the house since Wednesday with no end in sight. Hates snow, won't wear gloves or a hat, has physical disabilities also so falls over.

We have managed to get him to the pub and newsagents at the end of the street briefly but otherwise, have been really having to work our socks off at parenting him in the most creative way we can. Luckily, there's two of us so we divide out the day into 'shifts' as DS1 often demands intense one-to-one attention. We both take a break and get out of the house. DS2 has been farmed out to friends here and there as DS1 attacks him, DD1 is old enough to fend for herself and lock herself away so she isn't attacked.

It's snowing again! Alcohol is helpful!

Pixel · 10/01/2010 19:26

Took ds out in the snow today and he was loving it, making footprints in the fresh stuff and trying to find deeper bits to wade about in. It's the first time I've seen him exploring and enjoying something like any 9 yo and it was lovely.

Wonder if it will last? We might even get him to set foot on the beach this year. We live on the coast so it would be nice!

Pixel · 10/01/2010 19:28

Actually he was behaving more like a 3 yo, but it was still nice and 'normal' iyswim.

chopstheduck · 11/01/2010 11:00

aww, pixel!

ds1 rather enjoyed it too, looked very wary this morning, but once we got to the school lots of odd noises and prancing about!

We've had some interesting escapades on the beach in the past. I have a camcorder film of him somewhere running back and forth to the sea then howling in rage when he got out and got sand on his feet again.

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