autism and interaction with other children / sharing attention

[firsttimer08]

I was wondering if any of you could give me examples (from experience) of the kind of limited social interaction do children with autism generally have and what doe sharing attention mean?

DS is only 14 months, but we are seeing several red flags cropping up. He does not:

• share much attention and plays independently mostly. He does interact more with dh and sometimes brings his balloon or ball over to him to get him involved.
• He does not engage in any pretend play at the moment.
• tends to watch other children in groups playing, he generally does not get involved as much "with them". He will play independently with his instruments etc.
• language comprehension is very poor and does not really understand us very well.
• no words, only babbling.
• respond to his name when he is involved in play, so it can take 1-2 times to get him to look up.
• does not show much interest in his books or would rather look at them himself than with me. He used to really enjoy it before.

He does however:

• point when he wants something (started at about 13 months)
• point when he sees the bus or train or tube door opening (started at about 12 months). Don't think he turns around though to show it to us.
• looks at us fairly well and generally observes all adults and children a lot. Prefers adults to objects.
• he gets excited around other children but can indulge in physical play with them (like pulling them).
• he does try to kiss or cuddle other children and sometimes us (with me its more of a biting kiss !).
• can follow a point / whenever i point somewhere he will look up and look at it.
• loves to play peekaboo behind the curtain (without our initiation).

We are planning to get a private diagnosis for him, but just wish to find out more from other mnnetters.

Thanks !

oh yes i remember being told that I had to consider dd1 was deaf, even though I knew she wasnt! failed that stupid test 3 times and emptied box of toy and just put box on head
weird freak out at rainmakers!
at the the age of 3 nursery were concenred that she would stay at art table for upto 2 hours and she could thread a whole load of those tiny beads by the age of 3. When you look it was so clear, shame took so long!

14 months is very early to be picking apart his behaviour like this. The one thing you need to do is spend time enjoying and getting to know your baby do you spend much time with him or is he always at nusery or with a nanny? Sorry to be blunt but you are loosing precious time and seem to be focusing your energy on getting him a label when what he needs is your time and attention.

thanks wasuup3000 lis123 & benandoli. I guess you are right that instead of analysing his every move I should just enjoy him being a baby.

benandoli, I do spend time with him on the weekends, don't do any house chores, just focus on him during this time. However, unfortunately due to the way things are, I am the main earner in the family and need to keep my job for now. If of course we get a dx or ds needs more help we will need to re-evaluate. If I had the option I would not be working ....

I have only just started loking into dd2 and she is 2 1/2 and only because she has a older sister with asd.
14 month is very young and they are just developing play skills at this point, so no need to worry yet.
Enjoy this age, its a great age and worrying about it now wont change what happens later.

Some of us (including the OP I suspect) are the kind of people who can't just forget something once it's worrying us.

But on the flip side, you can certainly end up worrying about things that are completely age-appropriate (as I understand it, no 14 month-old in this big old world of ours really does reciprocal play with other kids - you'd expect it more at 3.6).

And it is true that there's a risk of not being able to enjoy the baby you actually have......which would be really bad for the baby - probably much worse than failing to spot symptoms

I feel the middle path is to focus on the understanding of language. That is what causes most frustration and misunderstandings in the early years, and you'll do absolutely no harm at all if child turns out to be a late developer. This is why I recommend the "It Takes Two to Talk" book so highly. It is optimistic, free of milestone charts and can be shown to other members of the family without scaring them. It does not mention ASD at all. My husband read and used it, but would not use an ASD-specific book (these tend to contain generalisations anyway).

You've got to figure out what will keep you a happy yet focussed mother

Im still on the notion of what will be will be and no amopunt of worry or stress will change that thats how i get though my days atm

thanks i already ordered the book you have recommended.

I know whatever will be will be, but I just cannot put it to rest. Also if we have some early idea, even if not a full positive diagnosis, we can probably start working on it from now with therapies etc.

I have not read all replies so apologies if I have repeated some advice already given. My DS1 has been verbally diagnosed with ASD in last month, at 2.8. Just wanted to say that 14 months is very very young and it sounds like he has loads of non ASD traits,i.e pointing,cuddles, excitement when seeing other children. I had suscipicions regarding my son from a similar age, but health professionals said he was too young. People started taking me seriously when he turned 2 and his speech wasn't developing normally. Every child on the spectrum is unique and has different combinations of traits. I would be very surprised if you get a diagnosis of any kind before 2. I know this might sound really patronising and sorry if it does but try and enjoy him at the moment, as well as keeping health professionls informed of your concerns. That is my one regret regarding my own child, I spent so long worrying about him that I sometimes feel I missed out on just enjoying him as a baby. Between 14 months and 2 the changes are staggering, whether the child has ASD or not. Your son sounds lovely and I know you are trying to do the right thing by him. Good Luck!