Mild ASD diagnosis at 13 - where do we go from here?

[MrsFlittersnoop]

How do we cope with this? He is not typical in many respects - no obsessive behaviour/conversation or stimming - V. bright academically - only probs are he can't read social situations at school and gets beaten up in the bogs on a regular basis. School Senco and SALT have provisionally disgnosed him as ASD. I spparently completely "face blind and can't rad expressionas or mnoitor body language. Lovely kid othersie - all mu adult friends think he is the bes knees - but he can;t relate to his peers./

We are waiting for NHS diagnosis and have arranged BIBIC assessement in Feb.

DS is V. paranoid about other kids approaching him. He only moved to this school 3 months ago and the school have been totally brilliant about helping him - giving him a time out card, encouraging him to go to library at lunchtime, letting him off games etc. DH is probably on the spectrum too (IT consultant, severley dyslexic, ADD) and has been very supportive.

I am dreading Xmas.

My Aged Mama has self- diagnosed as ASD after our conversaions about DS, (utterley weird and reclusive but benign old bat- , she is quite right! ) and we have also realised that my lovely gentle younger brother is almost certainly on the ASD spectrum (his DW is a Professor of IT and he is a SAHD who hates social interaction).

I have read everything going about ASD/ Aspergers. Tony Attwwod is my new Guru. I am a professional researcher, so I'm used to finding about about stuff very quickly.

DS doesn't fit a "conventional" ASD profile as as far as I can see, so all these books ike " Geeks Freaks and Aspergers" etc don't really fit with his situation. I don't mean to disrepect the book - but it doesn't seem to have any real relevance to our situation or my son IYSYIM.

DS's Dad is spending Xmas with us. DH, DS and I live with my 81 year old mother - we moved in 4 months ago - so are in a rather unconventional family situation. Ds's Dad is 60, and has just been made redundant after 30 years working for the same firm. So he is not in a Good Frame of Mind.

He is very resistant to any discussion about DS's ASD. Apparently, DS's problems are all my fault for being a crap parent. But Hell. The Apple don't fall far from the Tree.

So - here I am - attempting to be the perfect respectable 49 year old matron, about to micro-manage the perfect:

Extended Middle-aged Grown-up Blended Family Christmas.

Please can I just run away somewhere for the next few days?

A caravan on Canvey Island would be perfect.

Hi everyone, I've enjoyed reading your posts on this subject. My DS has just started secondary school with a diagnosis of Aspergers, but no statement. He is like some of your DCs as he gets on well academically in most subjects (except where group work is required), but is hopeless socially. He goes to a very mixed London comprehensive. The school give him loads of support - with group skills work in lunchtime club for ASD kids, encouragement to spend break times in library, special card to get to lunch without queuing with the other kids, LSA/form tutor has lunch with him and other similar kids most days, he changes for PE in the toilets away from other kids/psychos in the class. Downside is that occasionally he gets a thumping - he takes it in his stride as the kids who hit him have probably got social problems that outweigh his disability a million times over. I take heart from reading posts from those of you with kids doing GCSEs, going to college and hope that when he joins the world of adults he'll be appreciated as a fun friend, if a bit eccentric.
Happy New Year!
ps. just started him on Warhammer 40,000 - I love the smell of glue and making the little figures, hoping that he'll paint them, at least.

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Sorry...I just get very frustrated when people believe the LA lies that a bright child can't get a Statement. J is bright academically (though can't really dress or feed himself properly and has no sense of danger or how the world works). His reading age is almost double his actual age (8) and his computer skills are better than most of the adults in his school - he teaches them how to do stuff .

He has been Statemented ever since he went to school, initially part time 1:1 TA allocation but now full time + 5 hours (totalling 38 or something). He has OT and SALT help and also help from autism outreach and CAMHS.

The only legal criteria needed for a Statement, whatever LAs try to tell you the criteria are in your area, is that the school cannot meet the child's needs from their own resources. This is complicated by the fact that many places delegate a lot of SEN money to schools and so in some places, schools are expected to put 20-25 hours of TA time in from their own resources...but will often say that they can't afford to (sometimes true, sometimes not). But there is absolutely no need for a child to be x levels behind to get a Statement - unless their only need is cognition/ learning, their academic levels are only one part of the whole picture.

A child can be Statemented for cognition and learning; sensory and physical; social, emotional and behavioural and communication. ASD is usually a combination of the last two descriptors. Many children will be a combination - J has a few bullet points in each area in his Statement, but most are under behaviour. His levels are not behind; in fact, he is ahead in some. However, he could not function safely and happily in school without the provision of a full time TA and I don't envisage that changing any time soon.

It's true that, in some schools, in some areas, a child won't need a Statement as the school can put enough in place to meet their needs without it. However, if the school is not meeting their needs and can't (and a lot of external advice/ provision of a high level of 1:1 support would usually be something that a school wouldn't be expected to provide, says the SEN Code of Practice - a must-read for people who need to know about Statements/ help in school) then the child is entitled to a Statement. Some LAs try to say 'oh yes, if your child is on the 1st centile for reading or 4 levels behind, they can get a Statement' but this is completely illegal and SENCOs, HTs and parents fall for it.

IPSEA is a great website and teachernet has the SEN Code of Practice. Knowledge is power and wrong knowledge is the enemy of progress!

Sorry to get on soapbox but it angers me that children are allowed to struggle because people believe what penny-pinching beurocrats tell them.

Also wanted to say that, IME, threat of Tribunal (or actually going to Tribunal if you have proof that school is not meeting child's needs) ensures that LAs follow the law.

Accepting bullshit from LAs is not in parents' job descriptions!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Hi
I have an Asp son aged 9. I have three sons aged 7, 8 and 9. Does anyone's child go to a prep school or boarding? My son was at a prep until the end of Yr 4 but, as we wanted to save any funds for senior in case we needed for any of ours, we decided to put all 3 boys into our village school which is excellent - high standards, small etc. Our sons did brilliantly at prep school and my Asp son was in top sets for everything,from aged 7 the school days finished at 7pm and they had Sat school too - these long hours included tons of sport, pre, tea, organised eve activities. My son thrived and loved it as he was organised all day. Now we are at the village school - by their standards he is doing well because he is very bright and had every advantage of small classes etc - however, my son started off being bored and is now turned off education. He concetrates less well and I think it is because they do no sport. It is tricky because school have no problems with him - but from 3.30 each day when he comes home, other than being on a computer, he does not know what to do with himself and ends up spoling the games of his brothers by dominating or picking arguments with me as to why he can't be on a computer all evening. He needs me to direct him with homework. This is putting a strain on our family life as the other bros seem to get no attention. DH incidentally was very similar, he became disillusioned with school, went off the rails at 16 leaving school with nothing (and he is the brighest man I have ever met) and finally turned his life around for himlsef in his 30s and now is highly successful. I want to get the provision right for my son. I am thinking of returning just him to the private sector so that he will get sport and a very long organised school day. He did board weekly at aged 8 and loved it. He just loves routine. Anyone else's son in this position? I feel right now son is simply passing time, he is learning nothing compared to his ability. His VR and NVR scores are sky high and I think he is losing interest, having been such an enthusiastic learner before in an environment where they were ability streaed from aged 6. Anyone else's son a boarder?
Would be keen to hear anyone's views.

Anyone heard of a school called Bruern Abbey?

Hu furn, I have no experience of prep or boarding schools I'm afraid, but didn't want your post to go without a reply.

Most of the posters here spend a huge amount of time and resources struggling to get appropriate support within the state system, so they may not be able to give you much advice. I do have a friend who sends a teenage DD with Semantic Pragmatic Disorder to a private day school where she appears to be flourishing, but she has no academic difficulties and does not require additional help in the classroom.

To be honest, my gut feeling would be to send your son to a school that fits his needs as soon as possible. Many Aspie kids manage OK in mainstream school without much support during the primary years, but their "differences" become extremely apparent, both to other children and themselves, when they become teenagers and move on to secondary education in new schools where they are an unknown quantity. The best thing you can do for your DS is find him an environment which offers long-term "security", where he is happy and confident and forms long-term friendships whilst young enough for the other pupils to accept him just as he is.

If the school offers continuity beyond 13 so much the better. I have heard that many independent schools are reluctant to accept older pupils with a diagnosis of special needs - my friend had to endure some extraordinarily impertinent and insensitive comments from Headmistresses during school interviews.

I notice that Bruern Abbey specialises in children with Dyslexia and Dyspraxia who are failing to reach their full academic potential, but I saw no mention of ASD on their website. You say your son has no academic difficulties, so I'm not sure this school would actually be geared up to help him.

Have you considered a non-specialist boarding school which has a very strong pastoral ethos and would be willing to work with a diagnosis of Aspergers?

We visited Monkton Combe School last summer, and were considering sending DS as a day pupil (until he got into an excellent state school at the end of our street!). Monkton Combe was really lovely - lots of sports and they also take children with a wide range of abilities and needs. It is expensive, but they seem to offer a lot of bursaries. It may be too far away from you of course, but do check it out!