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SN children

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Original poster

Helping ASD kids cope with school holidays - tips please

14 replies

LargeLatte · 18/12/2009 18:22

ds1 (4yrs 6mo) not diagnosed but def somewhere on autistic spectrum. Have just worked out that appalling behaviour on return from school every day is, at least in part, due to his difficulty adjusting between structure of school day and just being at home free to make own choices.His default position is to intimadate ds2 (2yrs 9mo) for entertainment. Since giving him choice of play in your room / colour at the table for the 10mins it takes me to dish up dinner we have had less tears shed.

Have same problem at weekends and now its a whole 2 1/2 weeks of unscheduled madness in front of us. Was wondering if any other mums timetable the day. Do you stick to a routine even in the holidays or does that make life even harder. Think I'm just struggling to come to terms with the idea that my son can't just amuse himself at all - he needs help to get settled doing anything.

Does that all make sense - sorry bit of a splurge. Feeling bit sensitive today as we have had lots of his 'special' behaviours not bad behaviour just special.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 18/12/2009 18:34

Everyone is different, but I found keeping a clear structure to the day helped mine a lot. He was around 12 when he stopped wanting a school packed lunch at 1.20, holiday or not.
Same with bed time and other rules you normally have, try and be consistent.
Depends what he likes doing, so you could make up a visual timetable so that he can see what he's doing for the day, or the morning. That way when he's bored with colouring, he could move on to lego or a DVD or whatever.
Mine is 15 now, but still likes some structure and advance warning so he knows what the options are and there are no surprises.

claudialyman · 18/12/2009 18:58

clear structure and advance warning as goblinchild says definately help us. I found following the same routine every day after school helped a lot and having a routine we follow on every day off school helps too. DS now knows what to expect on days without school. There is some leeway in the routine (where we go on our outing etc) but its a definate stuggle to widen it. Having meals, certain activities and bedtimes at the same time as school days helps DS feel the world is not spinning madly out of control.

deaddei · 18/12/2009 22:23

Hi
I have a similar issue with dd (13)
She has severe OCD and I dread weekends- in fact I dread her coming home from school sometimes because she can go into huge meltdown over the smallest thing.
I am just not looking forward to the hols- she refuses to go to a show- you'd think I was inviting her to get her leg amputated. She plans to run 3 miles every day, does detailed lists every morning of her plans for the day- and will not deviate from them.
It means visiting people is a nightmare- I'm on edge all the time, and tonight has been a bad time.
She won't watch a film, settle down with a book- always has to be manically doing something. She loves school so much= and wishes she could be there even in the holidays.

amberlight · 19/12/2009 09:38

I'll go to shows if I know exactly what the building is like, what I will have to do from one minute to the next, where the loos are, whether I can cope with the loos, whether there's food and drink, what the food and drink is, where I'll sit, where I can escape to for a quiet moment if I need it, exactly how I'm getting there and back, whether I can cope with the transport there and back, who's going with me, what I need to say to them, what I don't need to say to them, what I definitely shouldn't say to them

In other words, every single detail has massive significance.

The more structured and predictable our days, the better. Not easy when there's a whole family to sort out, so it takes some negotiating skills that would thrill the United Nations I think. And many large cups of tea for the parents.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 19/12/2009 10:25

we talk though every day in the morning of it, unless big changes and then we try a few days before.
plan plan and just keep promting "dont forget we are going to sues today after lunch" ect ect
I dont do time, as if i say a time and we go past it DD1 gets herself in a state, so we do after breakfast, after lunch, after dh has woken up ect

Goblinchild · 19/12/2009 10:27

And that's why the phrase 'I'm going scouting' is well used in my home.
One of us goes on reconnaissance before the event. Sometimes it's the boy himself, so he can check things out in an unstressful environment before you add people.

5inthesleighbed · 19/12/2009 12:21

We tend to use visual timetables for ds2 to help him on a day to day basis during the holidays, as he hasn't got the structure of school and he can sometimes get a bit meltdownish.

deaddei · 19/12/2009 21:32

Today has been awful- I can't stand all the controlling behaviour she has, it is having such an effect. dS gone to bed crying, wishes she could be sent away.
And do you know what? That's exactly how I feel.

CardyMow · 20/12/2009 01:07

I find that valium (for the parents ) helps....and on a more serious note, I put up a visual calender of photos of any people we are going to visit, they have a week to view thingy, split into morning and afternoon that I made. I always have at least 2 weeks up for each, so they know that 'on this day we will be going to see xxx' 'on this day, we will have to go to tescos with mum' on this day Father Christmas will come' etc. Photos help.

Goblinchild · 20/12/2009 07:31

deaddei, could you leave her at home whilst you go out with ds for a while?
Is there any chance of separating her plans from the needs of the rest of you, so that she can live how she needs to without it including others at every step? Like having a lodger?
So she doesn't have to deal with relatives, family meals or outings, she can run on her tramlines without stress.

deaddei · 20/12/2009 10:51

Goblinchild- we do that as much as possible. This morning she has taken herself off on the bus to do some shopping, ds is going to a party and she has a friend round this afternoon.
Last night was a very low point, and I do feel better today.
I like the phrase like a lodger!
There are just times I wish she was NORMAL and we could be like other people.

VirginPeachyMotherOfSpod · 20/12/2009 10:58

Agree with keeping structure,we can get ds3 dressed in 45 minutes (don't ask- OT demands not to dress him but he has zero motivation) in term time,takes up to 3 hours in holidays- eek!

So we have totry and keep things static so he can sope, and also just not ask toomuch: Mum had him and ds4 when we took the older ones out yesterday as although he doesn't melt down like ds1, he will suffer more significant setbacks if we push.

With ds1 it's really mainly a ase of accept that it will be hellish for a fewdays of settling time, and learn to expect that. We talk for ages about what we will do every day so he knows what's coming, and make sure both DH and I are available as much as possible todeal with any fallout (of which there was loads yesterday)

HelensMelons · 20/12/2009 13:00

Yes, I had forgotten it is hellish for the first few days and then mine do settle down. DS2 loves the structure of school and really would prefer to be there than holidays. DS1 and DD3 (nt) are just being beasts. Today they are all being particularly horrible x

wigglybeezer · 20/12/2009 14:34

Ds1 being a bit of a pain today but that is partly because it is DS2's birthday today and DS1 hates it when he is not the centre of attention (ie. he is trying to insist that DS2 let him assemble some of his new lego stuff despite never letiing his brothers EVER touch his things GRRR...).

He was also very upset because our young cat has a suspected broken tail and may have to have the end of it amputated, DS1 has a phobia about injuries and scars and hates things being 'broken', he was very angry at me for booking a vets appointment, despite him usually being very caring about his pets .

Actually, christmas hols not usually too bad as they are not too long and DH is around quite a lot to help distract the DS's.

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