I feel lost without a diagnosis on how to treat dd - Advice needed

[mummytopebs]

DD age 4.9 has always been very emotional, ritualistic and has obsessions, she also has sensory issues and learning difficulties. She has currently been referred ro cahms regarding her issues of pooing and anxiety, and we habe had 2 meetings with the psychologists and they have now set up 3 'play' sessions with her.

She has took a turn for the worse in the last few weeks she is having continual night terrors every night, she is constantly sucking her clothes, she is obsessed with god and has made an alter in her bedroom!!

Anyway yesterday was her school nativity and in the afternoon she kicked off. The teacher said she hit a child and wouldnt say sorry (very unlike her) so they wouldnt let her go and see the other classses nativity. Because she couldnt go she kicked the teacher had a massive screaming fit and then hid herself behind a board for 20 mins (thank god they left her there to calm herself down). Anyway the teacher said she thinks it was cos of the change of routine, she hates things being different. When i spoke to her about it she said its cos it was different yesterday. She said she didnt hit the child but had tried to put her hand up cos she hadnt put her hand up to answer a question.

Obviously i talked to her and told her she cant behave like this but just feel so guilty cos i know she cant help it. Then i feel like i am making excuses for her. Do you think i should ring cahms and ask if they have any kind of diagnosis, or am i just making excuses for her actions? I hate this not knowing

Anyone?

Your DD sounds a little like mine at the same age, just without the alter! Christmas is a really hard time, lots of exciting stuff, changes in routine, all with the best intentions but affecting behaviour. My DD has sensory problems & we are on the waiting list for CAMHS. As she has got older (now 7) she has got better with routine change but still needs to be warned beforehand if something is going to change. She hit a teaching assistant a couple of years ago & although it was awful at the time, both recovered Your not making excuses. She has valid reasons for behaving like she does. Not having a diagnosis is tough but you are due to see CAMHS so have done all you can so far.

you sound like yo are having a really tough time...
sometimes a dx can help in getting access to services, and in explaining behaviours, but you already know your child and her needs...

I think you're right to call up camhs, but they probably won't give a dx. Try asking them for practical help; bring the play appointment forward, arrange a mutli agency assessment, tell you who else might be able to help. arrange something to help with the sensory issues. Ask them what help they can offer your dd,

Until you dd is 5 you might be able to access sure-start, who have been set up to help pre-schoolers access services. there are sure start nurseries and children's centres here and everyone is very helpful. call them or go in and ask for an appointment with someone who deals with special needs.

there might be parent support groups in your area for parents with SN kids. you might be able to fin some good advice there, and the local council should publish a list of services and organisations who help children with disbilities & SN. even if it doesn't sound quite right for your dd, go and see them, and see if they can suggest something more suitable.

Also at school, yo could talk to the SENCo or inclusion manager. Does your dd have a statement? you might want to find out about that,, very helpful when full time school starts.

sorry this is long: my ds is 6 now and gets a lot of help, but at the begining you can feel like you're going round in circles, and I hate to say it, but it took me a couple of crying fits in the consultant's office before I started to get help... I don't think they always appreciate how bad it is if you sit there all calm and smiles.

good luck: you're at the worst time when you think you need help but don't know where to get it. prepare for a lot of research and phone calls, but it will be worth it in the end x

I am not sure I can give advice but I can sympathise. My son (10)does now have a dx of autism and learning disability but we were in that same 'undiagnosed boat' at rising 5. We had many similar incidents to that you described (except ds was almost nonverbal). He cannot see things from another childs point of view so is not aware that something that doesnt hurt him (eg grabbing a childs arm does not hurt his hand) might hurt another (the owner of the arm!). He was always in trouble and being punished for things he did not intend to happen - like hitting a child when he turned around because his spacial awarness is poor and he had not learned to check there is space to move! Naturally getting punished for something unintentional is confusing especially if you do not understand that others do not know your intentions. He still does not understand he has to safeguard others by thinking ahead. My son has sensory issues and literal thinking.
Any way I wonder if your lass did not intend to hurt the other child - perhaps it was meant kindly (so the other child did not get into trouble), and perhaps does not understand why her friend said she hit her ( when all she did was help her with her arm) and then to cap it all the teacher wants her to say sorry for hitting (when it should be the other child apologising for not telling a lie) -- you get my drift!!
Of course I do not know if your dd thinks the way my son does but I just thought it might help!

That helps a lot magso i feel that is probably exactly what happened as she said to me that she just tried to put her friend hand up because you have to do that to answer a question, and her friend had tried to answer without putting her hand up. I think that is why i felt guilty about telling her off cos she was confused why she had been told off then ounished by not being able to watch the nativity, that is when she kicked off completly.

It is an awful time cos i dont even know what cahms are thinking, surely they must think there is something otherwise they wouldnt set up sessions - would they?