I need to talk about my 8 year olds behaviour but don't want to offend.

[FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas]

No one else thinks he has SN, or at least no one has ever said anything.

He is currently having what I am calling a melt down. Don't know if that is a medical term.

Tonight he was rude to me so when I said good night I shut his door. He wants it open. It has escalated with DH putting him in the shower to cool down - he didn't actually turn the water on.

Ds1 has said he is going as we are terrible parents and later did go downstairs to the front door.

I put him up on his bunk bed with great difficulty and he threw himself off.

He is currently crying and DH is upstairs, I assume keeping him in his room.

I know we are doing it all wrong and that isn't what this is about.

What is causing him to go like this, he says he is cross as we are horrible parents (DH took them out all day, lovely time, etc etc) but I am sure he genuinely feels we are.

He seems to get like this for something so small. Last time it was about Grandad being mean to him but no idea this time and are sick of asking him, maybe he is just a sod.

Apologies for posting in here, just need another perspective as we are falling apart here.

TIA.

I have asked someone with children on the autism/adhd spectrum if my son is and she has said no.

Adds book to list, thank you jabberwocky.

This morning I brushed him against his back and he turned round and yelled to me to not hit him again. We had words.

Later we had a few minutes together once dd and ds2 were in school and ds1 was talking to me normally and calmly. After a bit I asked him why he was talking to me all normally after this morning. He just said he didn't know.

Lovely that he was able to talk to you calmly dispite his over reaction earlier. I wonder if his over reaction to an accidental touch is because he is feeling very sensitive at present. I get this way too sometimes when there is too much happening!

My son ( 10 but with LD/ASD) finds apologies hard when he is overought, so I usually find it is better to calmly say my piece (state what is unacceptable) organise a way to avoid further insult/injury (send ds to his room/out of earshot) and plot for later rescue! Once he is calm he will usually apologise and come for a hug. I love that calm and say so. He needs to regain his self belief at this point so I will usually'rescue' him by giving him a job he enjoys or is able to do well to earn some praise. I know my son needs rescuing when in a downward spiral. He seems to get into so much trouble without meaning too he stops trying! Peachys love bombing is really useful - lovely phrase!!
At a quiet time once peace and harmony are restored and his confidence in your love is restored it might be worth exploring why ds reacted to your touch like that? (does he have sore back- is he being hit/bullied by school mates- did he think you were going to hit him ?

The brushing wasn't accidental. I wasn't going to put smack or hit as that sounded too strong but in hindsight I guess it would be classed as a smack .

Fab,, whilst aprents can be good they can't diagnose ASD.... heck I have now completed the diagnostics in ASD module of the MA and I cannot diagnose asd!. IOnly a PAed or a Psych can do that.

if you'rereally concerned about it, you need to google NAS triad of impairments. if your child fits that then there is a possibility. It'salso worth looking for ICD-10 assuming thats what your PCT uses as the diagnostic criteria

But a child who does not quite meet that an have something called PDD_NBOS (pervasive ddevelopmental disorder, not toehrwise specified- aka 'almost autism')

And if after reading all that youa re stillworried you must get a GP to refer you fora Paed check, becaase that is the only true answer (you might get sent to CAMHs instead depending on local policy) and also becuase wait lists can be long for assessments (ds3's clearASDtook 2 years to dx) so it's better in the system than out

Sorry Fab - didn't mean to upset you! And sorry I misunderstood ( and then had to rush off as was nearly late for play- so did not apologise sooner). (hands over tissue and cup of tea).
I only have one child so feel inadiquate talking to a mum of 3- but I know what you mean about few rewards to parenting sometimes - it can be such a struggle (worry) when dc is apparently turning into a stroppy teenager several years too early! ( My ds seems to be half teenager half terrible twos). I get to total despair sometimes when all the recommended ways of discipline seem to backfire! I think sometimes what we ( parent and dcs) really need is a break from the struggle. I find it sometimes helps to mentally list the good stuff (like how angelic ds looks when asleep- is that wishful thinking?)It also helps not to take difficult behaviour personally (we all have bad days but tend to sound off where it is safest ie at home) Hope I have not made things worse!

Thank you to all of you. I will have a long think over the holidays about what is the best thing to do. I actually think I am the problem as he just wants and needs more attention and we are all okay at the moment. he is the kitchen watching the candles he has lit while I make their tea.

magso You didn't upset me. It was just the shame that I did smack my son.

I think the child care books are all very well but the babies haven't read the books!

He has just sent me an email saying

When you have read this, come to me and we can have a cuddle.

OOOOooh fab

you know, at the end of the day ( I hate that phrase ) whether he has an sn etc- that can all be dealt with step by sdtep

allthat matters is getting things back on track now, sounds like they are

I hope so

Thank you

Fab, very interesting regarding the brushing. Children who have Sensory Processing Disorder (this is addressed in the book I mentioned) can be very agitated by light touch. It sounds odd but there it is.

Fab, very interesting regarding the brushing. Children who have Sensory Processing Disorder (this is addressed in the book I mentioned) can be very agitated by light touch. It sounds odd but there it is.