Any ideas about this? Long.

[Poshpaws]

DS2 (4.5, S&L delay and a bit 'different') started Reception in September. Has settled in well after a a few hiccups and conversational skills have taken a real leap.

However, his anxiety levels are very high. For example, Ds1 (8) likes to run a bit ahead of us one the way home from school. DS2 does not like this and starts a high pitched whine and sometimes crying, calling 'Come back, come back'. This is happening every time on the way home from school (not on the way to school or in the playground, incidently, where he has made friends and plays with them, not his brother). I now have to make DS1 walk next to me just to avoid the moaning.

Also, he went through a short phase of worrying that pushchairs or people behind us would run us over or walk into us . This has now (thankfully) passed.

I am not sure what this is about. He is not having 'meltdowns' which go on for many minutes or hours. On the odd occasion when I now let DS1 go ahead, he can stop fretting after a few minutes and a talking to, but I suppose it is the nature of the fretting. Sort of 0 - 60 in a second!.

Forgot to say that he also has to be the first one to open the porch door once we arrive home, otherwise the fretting and crying starts again.

School have mentioned that he gets 'very anxious'about things, such as writing not going well.

Should we investigate this further? DS2 was assessed about a year ago, and we were told not classic autism, but could not rule out Aspergers as was too young.

Any advice would be great.

Tx

hi poshpaws,

The whining - is he using an earlier strategy that he would have used before his language kicked in? Is it as if his little world has suddenly fallen apart? (DS2 does this). I'm wondering if he may be just tired and inarticulate and falling back on old patterns. The walk home from school in reception is notorious and I wouldn't read too much into it other than fatigue.

I'd be tempted though to make an appointment to see the teachers to find out a bit more about the anxiety at school. How concerned are they and do they feel it differs from the norm? Do they have any strategies that might help? If not, do they feel they would benefit from outside assistance? If the answer to the last question is yes, then you know where you stand......

Hi Lingle. How's your DS2? And DS1 and his friendship situation?

Have already met wth the teachers near the beginning of term and more recently. He has settled in really well now and they are less concerned about him than they were before. They feel that re the writing, once we get him a pencil grip and he has more control over the pencil, he will be less anxious. Have bought about 15 pencil grips and am waiting for them to arrive . Also, the same about doing up his coat, which he can find tricky. Once we teach how to do up the zip, it will be one less anxious situation.

Part of me thinks that he is just immature as far as his emotions go, but coupled with speech/language delay, another part of me is beginning to worry again.

No mention of outside help being involved.

OH Yesssss
I have lots of experience of these type of anxieties (too many to name) that ds has worked his way through over the years. He is now 12 and has dx of aspergers and dyspraxia
Current example (there are others!!): The boiler in the bathroom (that it might blow up at the end of a shower).
Some of the rituals that ds has performed have been linked to anxieties that he has had at the time. As soon as he worked though them (he laughs now about some of the ones he had when he was little )the rituals attached also disappear.

Poshpaws- you could be describing my dd1 a year ago , we had the same problem with people running ahead of her whilst walking home from school and she always had to be first to the door when we got home, it got so stressful that i started to pick her up in the car. A year on she is a lot better ,she still likes to be in front and first home but can cope if she's not (no screaming or crying). Dd1 has Aspergers but a lot of nt children like to be first, one of dd's friends still gets upset if not first.

DS2 is doing brilliantly thank you. Nursery manager described him to SALT as "a different child". He has friends! He is going to be a king in the nativity play! He understands "why?" questions!

Does tend to cry/withdraw on a hair-trigger still but it doesn't affect family life. Declining the dx process was the right decision for us, at least so far as the first 12 months since go.

DS1 seems to be coming through the friendship issues with many lessons learned, thank you for remembering. He seems to have an inner core of self-belief that I lacked as a child so I am taking credit for parenting him

Back to your DS. If the teachers feel the problems are fading/not getting worse then perhaps it's just a question of keeping an eye on it? Being a summer-born with a language delay is an objectively big deal - he must be surrounded by button-doing-up, pencil-holding articulate autumn borns - so it sounds as though he is doing absolutely marvellously.

Thanks for all the responses.

Troutpout, that is interesting that the rituals disappeared with the fading out of the anxiety issues.

Hoping it will be the same for DS2 as he is driving me nuts with it, especially when DS3 (defo NT) starts whining at the same time.

Marne, how old is your DD1? Please don't tell me I have to wait ages for this to pass...

Lingle, yes, he is coping very well at school. Loving the 'academic' side of things and making some friends, who seem to be mainly girls .

DS2 sounds like yours, in the fact that when he does get upset, it does seems to be on a 'hair-trigger'. Please let it be a phase!

Glad that both of yours are doing so well.

Dd1 is almost 6, the first 6 months at school (reception) was the worst, i don't think it helped that she was so tiered when i picked her up so it didn't take much to upset her on the way home (someone running in front of her), she still winges but no high pitched screaming like before. She loves school though and gets on really well (loves the structure and learning).