Is it possible to teach a child with ASD social skills?

[Eveiebaby]

DD 3 1/2 has just received a diagnosis of ASD. Do not know where on the spectrum as Paed said with her being so young it was not possible to accurately test her IQ. I have had concerns about her language for a while now - echolalia, pronoun reversal, little original speech although I must admit I have seen real improvements with her language over the last few weeks although she is still obviously way behind her peers.

The penny has just dropped regarding her poor social skills with peers. She does not initiate any interaction with other kids her age and if they approach her she absolutely has not got a clue what to do. She likes being around other kids but cannot interact. It is so sad to watch and I worry so much about her future.

We are due to start a play social skills type of course in January which hopefully will help.

I know I should be more positive but is it possible to teach social skills. Her ability in that area seems so impaired that I cannot imagine how I can help her to learn social skills.
Can anyone share any experiences of how their little ones have come on with their social skills?

I have been told that girls are better at fitting in socially than boys, as they do pick up more. DD1 has asd, and she has 2 girls that are "friends", and certainly a lot of children like her but she doesnt really seem to really care or pay much attention.
Her social skills can be a little wobberly somedays but certain things stick with her. She is a real "rules" type and as long as you can fit it into a rule she manages it ok, so like saying pleases and thank yous and sorry. however some skills are harder to manage. Hope fully the skills training will help you, and maybe some social stroies would be good too
HTH

Thanks for that Lisad123 - may I ask how old your DD is? Speech Therapist also mentioned social stories but again I'm thinking will it work.

I think I just need to wake up and give myself a good slap. I know people with ASD have different ways of learning so I know I need to give anything that could help DD a try. It's just when your at the beginning of the tunnel it's hard to see light at the end

Feeling sorry for myself over now - I need to concentrate on helping DD

DD1 is nealy 7. We like you arent far down the road, and just starting. We brought a simple social skills book called "my socail stories book" by carol gray, lots of very basic stories about everyday things like going to GP, brushing teeth ect.
We missed the social skills workshops and just waiting for them to come around a again, so cant give much advice.
DD1 is in mainstream and sometimes its hard to tell there is anything wrong at all. Some days are ok, other are terrible. YOU know her best, you know what will work for you and her.
Good luck and yes you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself and thats ok because feelings are never wrong, their just what they are, feelings

I haven't got a little one, I've got a huge one who is in Y10.
Yes, it is possible to teach an ASD child social skills but it takes time and effort and it is unlikely ever to be a natural thing for them. It will always be learned and remembered behaviour and in times of excess stress and stimulation the veneer will crack.
We treat the NT human race as an extended David Attenborough documentary and do a lot of observation, discussion and explanation. One of the reasons he has a mobile is to phone me up if he comes across something he's not met before and needs an interpreter.
Social stories are good, reminding him to smile and say thank you, explaining without emotions or hurt feelings kept things clear.

my son is now 18. he was diagnosed at 7. he was so different back then, he is now at college, had a part time job and has a great social life.

if you had told me this 10 year ago i wouldnt have believed you.

please try and remember that ASD is a developmental condition. they DO learn, its just at a much slower pace than their NT peers. lots and lots and lots of practice!!
my son had a pretty rough time at school, but you simply wouldnt believe he was the same lad now he is at college.

try and get some info, its not all doom and gloom i promise you. you will start to get a better idea of where she is on the spectrum as she gets a little older.

good luck.

*waves at goblinchild - hellooooo!

Not been posting your bits anywhere else then?
G is managing Y10 very happily, all furniture, peers and staff intact so far.

excellent news!

mine turned 18 last week! he had a works night out on saturday - imagine - all computer programmers....did you ever watch The Big Bang Theory? if so youll know what i mean! it was a meal out and back to "steves to play on the Xbox" lol!

he came home sober. haha!

So, an elliptical peg in an elliptical hole then? Glad he's found a place to be happy in.
So OP, not really off topic. Vic and I have both enabled our sons to develop a knowledge of social skills and a modicum of awareness of how to behave appropriately in a known situation.
We may be more than a decade down the line, but it's looking good from this bit of the mountain.
Keep going everyone, heads down and plod.

Sorry, am gatecrashing a bit but just wanted to thank the vicar and goblin for posting because having an insight into the future is wonderful, especially when they are postive experiences. Lifts my heart to read they are doing so well,

OP, my DS is 4.5 and I have had my suspicions for just over a year now. This time last year I was dealing with meltdowns, tantrums, a lack of receptive and expressive speech and numerous other things. He would stand outside playschool, jump up and down, flap his arms and roar at kids he wanted to interact with. Nowadays he asks them if they want to play and then runs off chasing them. Its not the detailed play that you would expect kids to do but to me its wonderful to watch how far he has come. These days we are meltdown free (still loses the wheels off his trolley when we have to buy shoes though ), his speech has exploded since then even though he is still behind his peers and it is more of an effort for him. The progress he has made in a year is wonderful.

The future is a worrying thought but as the others haven said KEEP AT IT. They do learn, albeit slower, but learn they do. Would agree with the social stories and we also look at picture books with people in them and I make up stories for them for him to listen to and learn from.

Good luck with your little girl and keep coming here as there is lots of help and support.

We certainly do learn, but even as adults we're never 100% perfect. Can't see body language, can't see the eye contact signals, can't hear the tones of voice, can't switch focus between people in groups, often struggling to cope with the avalanche of sensory information that others can filter out and we can't.

But we can learn. Each of us at our own pace, according to the bits of brain wiring we have connected up the best.

As has been said, teaching us about people much like you would teach a child about wild animal behaviour works really well. Even now I'll sit and just watch people and think "Ooo, look! They're doing the Greeting Response Actions!" It's quite exciting, really.

What's equally important is that others in the world realise that we don't get it right all the time and help a bit if they can, I think.

snort at the David Attenborough analogies.

Eveiebaby, you'll find very specific advice on developing social skills in Hanen's "more than Words" and (for when she is fluent) "Talkability". And no doubt others can recommend other texts.

The more your understand her strengths and challenges, the more adept you'll get at spotting an opportunity, even a fleeting one, for her to experience a bit of social success. It can be quite fun - really!

DS2 plays best 1-to-1 at home (as, I must admit, do I) but plays well with peers at nursery now at 4.3. This time last year he would quickly move away if another child approached him. He sat on the teacher's lap throughout the 2008 nativity play whereas this morning he was telling me with excitement he's going to be a king!

Dd2 is 3.10 with ASD and has just started to share with her sister and play with her which is great.

Dd1 has Aspergers and has good social skills but struggles with personal space (gets to close to peoples faces), she will now take it in turns and work well in a small group of children.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. Was uplifting to hear how much your older ones (Goblin and Vicar) have adapted to life in the world.

Also, everyone with younger ones - thank you - is interesting to know how much toddlers seem to develop between 3 and 4 years old - has given me a lot of hope for 2010.

Thank you Amber for sharing as an adult

do you know....i think if id had an inkling of what was in store id have worried a whole lot less and fought the LEA a whole lot more.

ah well - isnt hindsight wonderful?

my son is fantastic. annoying occasionally! - but fantastic! i am no longer worrying about what his life will be like, he has a way better social life than i do and a part time job to fit exactly his particular requirements which he just went out and got himself...he just decided what he wanted, and went and got it. no limitations in his head at all. he is doing A levels, granted its taking him a year longer but so what? thats another year he has to mature before the prospect of university.

i breath a huge sigh of relief now a days and leave him to his own devices - he is more than capable!

Vicar - amazing - good on your son. Nursery have suggested applying for statement for DD which I so hope will happen but if not looks like I have a fight on my hands!(wink) thanks for advice

I am desperate for some advice on helping my 10 year old son improve his social skills. It´s breaking my heart seeing him get rejected and ridiculed by his peers and even by younger children. It has happened with his classmates and in every sporting activity he has participated in. He just seems to annoy the other kids in any given group and they gang up on him. It has been suggested that he may be ADD. My husband doesn´t see the problems and I can´t help but wonder if it´s all in my head. My son is very open and friendly and doesn´t have problems one on one but does in groups. Please tell me how to help him. We live in Spain and my son is fluent in both languages. But i do sometimes wonder if being bilingual could contribute to this.

I have 2 dd's with ASD, dd2 is very similar to your dd, she's now 4.9 and has very little social skills but is improving slowlly. I have found since she started school in september she has improved, she will now try and play with others (when she wants to), she needs a little prompting but she gets this from the older children at school. Dd1 is very soiable but is not always excepted by others because she can be bossy and likes things to go her way, we do role play activities at home which seems to help her in some situations.

LaBru- sorry to hear you are going through this, your ds sounds a little like my dd1, she seems to cope better with just one other child (when we invite a child to the house she is fine) but finds it hard being excepted into groups, i think a part of it is due to low confidence. Would the school help by getting him to work in a small group on a activity at school (say just 3-4 children), the activity could be something your son is good at and confident with?
Dont ever think 'its all in your head', he's your sone and you know him best, if you feel there is a problem then try and discus it with the school. Good luck.

Thanks for responding Marne. I was at a bit of a low ebb last night. I really need some practical help. What kind of role plays do you do? I´ve been trawling Amazon for books to help but am not sure which ones are good. My boy does sound a bit like your DD1 - he gets very sulky if he can´t convince everyone to play the games he wants to! Anyway, again thanks for responding. Just knowing you´re not alone helps immensely.

Hi LBM,

Re: practical advice on how to go about teaching social skills

The best "overview" book (with lots of info on different ways of teaching different skills) IMO isthis

Michelle Garcia Winner also has some good resources you can buy online here

There's also a book called something like Junior Scripts for Social Skills - it's a Superduper publication and has scripts for role plays. Can't get on their site to link, sorry.

LaBru, we do role play of social situations (such as play times, going to a friends house etc..), i play the other person (aanother child) and dd1 plays herself and we act out situations, i advice her how to deal with a situation (what to say, how to be polite). Sometimes we also write things down on paper with the outcomes of each behaviour (what happens if she joins in and what will happen if she sulks), i them ask her which is the best outcome (that she plays a game she may not like and has friends or she sulks and people laught at her). It doesn't always work as she is so strong willed but it has helped with some situations at school.

She has one good friend at school at the moment (a little boy) who seems to put up with her mood swings, she has lots of other friends but still often ends up on her own as she doesn't like the games groups play.

As she gets older you can teach her things like "People like you to look at them when you are talking to them, so that they can see your face. People like to see your face." (Why?) "They just do."

And "When you show someone something, it has to be an arm's length away from their face, or it's too close." (Why?) "It just does."

The Big Bang Theory has a scene where Sheldon cannot grasp why Leonard should have a birthday present. The other men stop Penny's frustration with him by saying "Sheldon, it's a non-debatable social obligation".

I nearly wet myself. It's so true.

Thanks very much for the advice everybody! Here in Spain (or maybe it´s just our town) there doesn´t seem to be much support available for ADD kids - it´s medication or nothing. So, I´ll start reading the books and trying to get him to do the role plays - he´s as stubborn as a mule sometimes though!